Tenderness. She remembered the warm, kind, and loving eyes. Dark eyes. Passionate eyes filled with mystery and untold secrets. She remembered sympathy. Warmth, like summer. The stranger. Friendliness, gentleness in his face. Love. The sweet, enticing scent. Violet. Raging desire. Chills down the spine. Indefinable feelings. A dance. An embrace. Losing. And then...
Filia moaned out loud and arched her back in her sleep. She was lost, swimming in feelings and yet somehow completely found. Somehow completely completed. The sea was dark and rich with an almost overpowering purple hue, and in it she contentedly floated. Dark eyes. Slit eyes, looking down at her. Eyes. Mazoku eyes. Filia's own eyes snapped open in horror. She sat up quickly, her body drenched in sweat and her hair sticking to her forehead in clumps.
Not again. She had been dreaming about him again. Filia shivered. She used to dream about him a lot, used to remember the joining with a fondness and a sad regret. Now that she knew who he really was, she would never feel like that again. Now the memory's resurfacing was true horror for her. Xel was Xelloss, and nothing was going to change that.
Then she had to go and dream about him again. The dragon maiden buried her face in her hands and began to cry. This dream had been different from the others. In this dream, she knew he was Xelloss Metallium. And yet she still went willingly to his bed.
After a few moments she composed herself and prepared for the day, donning her priestess robes and determined not to fall apart if the Mazoku showed up again. Unfortunately for her, he was at the breakfast table downstairs, nonchalantly consuming a pile of French toast. His pile was infinitesimal compared to that of Lina and Gourry, who were already up to get an early start on eating. She supposed Amelia and Zelgadis were still in bed.
"G'mornshg, Fmiling," Lina mumbled over her stack of French toast.
Filia sweatdropped and approached the table. "Good morning, Lina-san. Good morning, Gourry-san," she said, purposely ignoring Xelloss.
"Good morning, Filia-san," the Mazoku answered pointedly.
She ignored him again. "I trust you both slept well?"
"Mmfgm."
"I...see."
"Did you sleep well, Filia-san?" the Trickster asked her from across the table. She tried to ignore him, but her other companions weren't much for conversation.
"As well as one could expect," she finally answered, not looking at him.
"Really. Care to expand on that?"
"....." She was saved from answering the question by the appearance of her other two companions, who were suspiciously coming down to breakfast together. "Good morning, Amelia-san, Zelgadis-san." Hopefully they would be able to distract her from him.
Zelgadis walked over to the table and rudely kicked over Xelloss's chair before sitting down himself. He muttered something about fruitcakes and motioned for the waitress to bring him some coffee. Filia felt a swell of anger rise up in her chest. She immediately crushed it, certain that she was forgetting it was *Xelloss* who had been kicked over. No one important. Especially not to her. Ha, she couldn't care less what happened to him.
...right?
Right. He was the Trickster. He had tricked her, and probably countless others, into thinking that she loved him. He had taken from her the most priceless gift she could offer a man, and was probably laughing to himself about it right them. Wasn't he? Wasn't he??
Filia could feel herself losing it. No, no, she wasn't going to fall apart! She was strong, she was in control, she could keep face. No. The tears were coming. Tears of anger, of betrayal and dashed hopes. Why couldn't he just be dead? The dragon maiden would never be able to take another mate, but at least she would not have to suffer so. "Excuse me," Filia said, pushing her chair back and standing up. "I am suddenly not feeling well." And she ran.
Filia rocked back and forth on her bed, hugging her pillow tightly to her chest. She was humming a popular ballad in an attempt to comfort herself as the tears ran down her face. Soon they would come up to check on her, she knew. She had to get control. She had to be in control.
"Filia."
That voice. Ceipheed, no, not him.
"Filia."
The tears flowed like a river now, and she hoped he could not see her face. Her humming continued, and she proceeded to ignore his presence. Perhaps he would go away.
"Fi-chan, don't ignore me that way."
"Don't you dare call me that!" Filia whirled around, her eyes wet and angry. "That is not for you to say!"
His eyes were open, more alien than ever. "Why not?"
"It just isn't! Leave me alone! I never want to see you again!"
He was silent for a few seconds, processing this. "I'd hoped our meeting would be a happier one," he said quietly. "I guess I was wrong."
Filia's voice was muffled from the pillow. "Yes, you were. Now go away."
"Why?"
She lifted her face again, surprise only fueling her anger. "Why?? Do you even need to ask?? You tricked me! You deceived me! You tainted me, and now you've come back to flaunt it in my face!"
"...what?"
"You're a namagomi, hentai Mazoku, and I hate you!" Filia burst into fresh tears and buried her face back into the pillow to hide it. She would not cry in front of him. She would not show weakness!
Xelloss didn't say anything for several moments. She heard his footsteps pacing back and forth across the floorboards. "It took me a while to find you after they sent you away, Filia," he said finally, his back turned to her. "I didn't think they'd put you in the holy services. It was the last place I thought of looking." He paused. "And then the barriers denied me access into the holy city. I knew I wouldn't be able to see you again, my Filia."
The dragon maiden's heart leapt. He had come looking for her, he had wanted to see her! But dark thoughts clouded this new light, once again diminishing the hope inside her. It didn't matter. He was evil. He was a Mazoku, and it had been wrong for them to ever share a relationship in the first place. He was evil. He could never have been sincere. Was he lying now? "I don't care," she suddenly cried out. "It doesn't matter anymore."
He stiffened at once, the change in posture immediate. "That's a lie."
"It's not."
"It is."
A sudden thought struck her. "How do you know? Are you reading my thoughts?" she asked, panicked.
"Is this all they've taught you in your training? To lie to yourself?"
"You are reading my thoughts!" Filia cried. "Filthy, rotten, cheating Mazoku!"
Xelloss turned around. "That's the problem, isn't it," he said suddenly. "I'm a Mazoku. You don't like that, do you."
"Of course not!" she cried. "Mazoku are evil, rotten, conniving monsters!"
"You didn't think that way before," he pointed out.
"I didn't know what a Mazoku was. And I didn't know you were a Mazoku! You tricked me!"
"You never asked."
Filia sniffled, feeling tears well up in her eyes again. "Leave me alone! I don't want to talk to you anymore!"
Suddenly he was by her side, his arms around her and his face pressed close. "Filia, Filia..." he murmured. "This isn't you talking."
"Get away from me!" She frantically pushed him, frightened. "Stop it! Listen to me!" There was a brief scuffle, ending with Xelloss pinning Filia to the bed, one hand holding her arms above her head and the other clamped over her mouth.
"You listen to me," he said firmly. "I don't care what they've told you in those priestess schools. I don't care what they told you about me. They don't know me. You know me better than they do, Fi-chan. You always have." His eyes stared at her, seeming to drill right into her soul.
She bit him, causing him to draw his hand away. "You're wrong. I don't know you at all."
"And yet you still gave yourself to me, all those years ago," he mused. "Now there's an interesting thought."
"You're not who I thought you were."
"Are you certain?"
Filia squirmed, disconcerted by his closeness. She could feel the effects of the bond they'd made, her body responding to the heat of his body against her. Control. Control. "You can't be."
"You don't know that?" he told her, becoming aware of the effect he was having on her. "Filia, you know who I am. Are you going to listen to people who have never met me before, or yourself?"
She shivered uncontrollably, feeling that old desire rushing into her. "I...don't know." Violet eyes. Eyes of love and gentle passion.
"You took me as your mate once before," he murmured, nuzzling her neck. "Will you have me again?"
"I can't - " her voice broke off in a startled gasp. "Xelloss! Someone might hear...they might come looking...!"
"Let them."
"I took an oath!" she protested. "An oath of virtue!"
This didn't slow him at all. "That oath was broken before it was taken, Fi."
"Yes, well...they didn't know that," she answered lamely.
Xelloss's resulting laugh was muffled. "We've lost too many years, Filia. We can't hold back now."
Too many years. Filia's eyelids fluttered and she relaxed gradually, slipping into that dark sea again for the first time in a long time. Too long. But she was still unsure. "I am...?"
"My mate," he growled softly. "And I am yours."