...there have been so many changes in both my heart and soul. Sometimes I'm not sure who I am anymore. And I'm certain I don't know who he is. He's more complex than I ever thought. He actually cried after that last horrible attempt, and I felt terrible. It was me who was the victim, and I felt bad for my attacker! I confuse myself. But he was crying, he felt guilt for what he had almost done. I cried with him. I forgave him. That's more progress in one night than we've made in two years.
I wonder if he cried that first time, too. I wonder if he could help himself. He seems to be struggling with something now, and I can't quite put my finger on it. I think he's having problems being Mazoku. That sounds absurd, doesn't it? He's been a Mazoku for his whole life, so why would there be any problems? Why would that trouble him in any way?
I think it might be me. I've been secretly researching the history of Mazoku in Juuou-sama's library, looking for explanations. Most of the stuff I found I've already known from living with Xelloss. Everything else seemed pretty useless. It was what I didn't find that clued me in to this. There are no records of a Mazoku having ever pursued a long-term relationship with a human. In fact, there are no records of Mazoku having long-term relationships with each other! It seems they only seek each other out for one purpose: physical pleasure. It seems they know no love. Or at least they are not supposed to. It is in their blood to use and abuse other creatures.
Sometimes I wonder if this doesn't hold true for Xelloss. Sometimes I wonder if he fights the Mazoku in him. Sometimes I wonder if he loses that fight. And I wonder if that's why he does things to me.
He won't touch me now, I know. Not after that talk we had. It's almost as if he's afraid he might hurt me again. This is better, but not good. After all, I do want him so.
From there Razilee remembered all the happy events that her mother wrote about. Picnics, and lots of quality time with both her parents. They actually got along, and didn't make each other feel so bad. Razilee hadn't really understood it all at the time, for she'd been too young and not privy to their private conversations.
The diary continued to tell about various new developments in their relationship, about understanding and companionship, with a few brief mentions of lovemaking. She was surprised to read that her mother had wanted another baby, her quest to have a family renewed. Had everything worked out okay, Razilee might have ended up with a younger brother or sister. Shortly afterwards, they had all gone to Seiryuun to visit Prince Philionel. This Razilee remembered clearly.
She had really hit it off well with her grandfather, despite the awkward introductions. If she remembered correctly, he was still alive, but not ruling. Someone named Gracia had ascended to the throne in his place. She sighed. The Beastmaster had forbade her from leaving the island, so she was never able to go back and visit Grandfather. The violet-haired girl wondered if she might ever see him again. She continued reading.
...and now my baby girl is missing! We left her alone for a few minutes, and she disappeared from the palace! Xelloss and I went back to Wolfpack Island briefly to converse with his master. She says Razilee's been kidnapped by Dynast Grausherra, the Mazoku lord at the North Pole!
Kidnapped? the violet-haired girl wondered.
We will be on our way to retrieve her in a few hours, traveling with Lina-san and Gourry-san. I can only hope that Lina-san won't try to kill Xelloss along the way. I know she's very angry with him. She already tried to kill him before; I can see it in her eyes.
L-sama, I hope I can find my baby. I hope she's all right.
I don't care what it takes to get to her. I'll even die if I have to.
Sincerely Yours,
Amelia
That was the last entry in the diary. The rest of the pages were blank, the book having never been picked up again. Razilee's heart lurched, knowing that her mother had met her death shortly thereafter. She had died on a journey. "But a journey to the North Pole?" she wondered aloud, confused. Juuou-sama had told her that they were on their way to "find themselves" when they had been murdered. Her eyes traveled back up the page to read that part again.
...been kidnapped by Dynast Grausherra...
Dynast? Wasn't that the man Juuou-sama had kept around the castle while her parents were at Grandfather's palace? Yes, that man had brought her back to Wolfpack Island. He hadn't kidnapped her! But... Razilee's mouth dropped open in shocking realization. Juuou-sama had told her parents that she'd been kidnapped. Juuou-sama had sent them off to save her, while she was actually warm and safe at home! "What the hell," she murmured.
So then Juuou-sama had sent her Mommy and Daddy off to certain death. She had lied. She had lied to her, and lied to her parents! She had betrayed them! She had killed them!!
You see, Juuou-sama, my son has been doing some rather unsavory things.
"Unsavory?" Zelas looked curiously at the old mother wolf. She was very tired from her last journey. She had been dealing with her dear "sister" Dolphin, who was having some problems and breaking quite a few rules. The task had basically exhausted her, and she really didn't feel like dealing with the family problems of her wolves. "What do you mean?"
I mean he has taken a mate.
"So? That's usual for a wolf of his age. In fact, I expected Daertal to take one much sooner than this. I suppose he's a late bloomer, eh Siraye?"
The mother wolf's cold eyes stared at her, an angry fire deep within them. You do not understand. The mate he has chosen -
"Oh, so you don't approve of her." The Beastmaster laughed comprehendingly. "That's common. He probably didn't ask you first, right? Typical. So, what is it that's the problem? Not of good breeding? Rebellious?"
No, that is not -
"Or perhaps she just didn't take well to you," Zelas mused, leaning back in her throne. "She must be a very impertinent wolf." The blond woman raised a glass of ruby wine to her lips.
That's just it! She is not a wolf!
Zelas spit out her wine in surprise, spraying it all over the floor in front of her. "What?!" she managed to exclaim, coughing.
Daertal has not taken a wolf for a mate, Siraye answered.
The Beastmaster's eyebrows shot up. "Um. That is really...odd. Exactly what kind of animal has he taken a liking to? I never thought he'd be the kind to commit bestialities. So what is this female? Some kind of dog?"
She is a Mazoku.
The blond master of beasts stared in shock for several seconds, realization dawning harshly upon her. "Really," she finally said.
The mother wolf paced back and forth in front of her throne, carefully avoiding the wet splashes of wine and spittle. The fur on her neck was raised and she was visibly agitated. I believe you know which Mazoku I am speaking of. It is that purple girl, Razilee.
Zelas's mouth worked slowly a few times as though she couldn't find her words, shock numbing her body. "H-how...did you find this out?"
I dragged the information out of my son, she informed her in a most businesslike manner. MU< He told me that he chose her as his mate out of love, but I do not believe him. That girl has tricked him somehow, made him do wrong. She has made him commit this blasphemous act. Daertal, the idiot he is, tells me that she has the ability to change into any shape she wishes. Is this true?
"Yes," Zelas answered, distracted. "I taught her to shapeshift myself..."
It is unnaturalM, Siraye insisted, her eyes narrowing. It is wrong. I told my son to leave her, but he refuses! What are you going to do about it?
The Beastmaster's mouth was open, her eyes wide and surprised. She never expected this. She knew Razilee and Daertal were close, but not like that! They were supposed to be just friends! "So that's what she's been doing all those times I couldn't find her..." There was no way she could allow this to go on. Too many factors were risked in that. Firstly, Razilee couldn't be allowed to love. She would only get hurt and die, and then Zelas would hurt more than she already did. Secondly, this was entirely unorthodox. Daertal would be an outcast in his own clan. And thirdly...
Juuou-sama?
Zelas blinked. "Hmm?"
I said, what are you going to do about this? There was a definite annoyance in the mother's tone.
"She is not going to do anything," a voice spoke from deep within the shadows of the room. Both females turned to see Razilee standing by the door, clutching a dusty book to her bosom. Her hair was mussed and her face red, as though she had been crying, but her eyes were steely and emotionless.
"Razilee, what..." Zelas began, but was interrupted by the girl's decisive voice.
"I know everything, Juuou-sama," she sneered, holding up the book. "This is my mother's diary, which I found hidden in the library. It tells me everything. Everything about her life, everything about my father's life. Everything that you did to them, you bitch. You have a lot of explaining to do."
"Razilee - "
"Don't you 'Razilee' me! I know what you did! I know the whole story!" She choked back a fresh crop of tears, looking to Daertal's mother. "And you will not do anything, either. I am staying with your son, and no one is going to stop me!"