"What did we ever do to deserve this??!?" yelped Lina, as she raced along the dusty corridor, closely followed by several hundred shambling zombies.
"Disturbed their lunch?" offered a panting Gourry.
Up ahead, Zelgadis shouted, "This way! There's a doorway here!" He was standing at a fork in the tunnels; because of his speed, he'd been able to scout ahead while the others were more occupied with simply getting away from the relentless zombies. Amelia, Gourry, and Lina turned in the direction Zelgadis had indicated, and kept running.
When they'd first run into the zombies, it hadn't taken very long for the four friends to discover that most magical spells had little or no effect on them; neither did swords, since the zombies just picked up their severed limbs or heads and stuck them back on. Outrunning them had presented itself as being the best possible solution, and so the four friends had been doing their best for the past few minutes.
Zelgadis had managed somehow to open the massive stone door while the others were running, and they all piled into the dusty chamber beyond as fast as they could. It was a strain to get the door shut again, but the moaning and groaning of hundreds of the hungry undead was incentive enough. Everyone piled against the ornately carved stone door and shoved as hard as they could; it swung shut slowly, and crashed into place just as the first of the zombies arrived. In safety at last, the four friends sat by the door, trying to catch their collective breaths once more.
The room in which they found themselves was large, rectangular, and incredibly dusty. Lina's little light spell beautifully illuminated the sheer inches of dust that were piled in every corner and on every tabletop. More dust was caught in cracks in the sandy stone walls, as well as decorating the tops of thousands of books shoved haphazardly into bookshelves that literally lined the walls. Dust could even be found covering what must once have been a rather beautiful, rather large knotted carpet.
Dust wasn't the only thing revealed by Lina's small light spell. A robed individual - too old and wrinkled to tell whether it was male or female - was hunched in a plush chair in the middle of the room, reading one of the multitudes of leather-bound books by the light of a small lamp. Slowly, it looked up, its ancient face covered by a thousand wrinkles. It looked the four intruders up and down, and remarked in a deep, gravelly voice, "I take it you're here for the wishes."
The person put down his book and shoved himself into a standing position. "You do realize that you could have come in the back way," he said dryly, indicating another stone door set into the opposite wall of the room. "Fewer tunnels, no mud, no monsters... Funny how all you wish-seekers seem to overlook it..." Two gnarled hands attempted to brush the dust off his old robes. "Excuse me for not introducing myself. I am Ertigon Bathadigo, caretaker of this particular place for the past... oh, it's been well over three hundred years by now."
Zelgadis made as if to speak, but the old caretaker cut in, saying, "Before you ask, the shrine is in there. Where you get the wishes," he added, quite unnecessarily. He was pointing to a rather plain stone doorway, beyond which could be seen a vague sort of silvery glow. "But before you dash in there, there are some things which you kids should know. Some very important things."
"I knew it!" exclaimed Lina. "There's a catch, isn't there?" Muttering, she continued, "There's always a catch. I knew the free wishes were too good to be true..."
"Oh, the wishes are free," said Ertigon, "the stories are correct about that much. No, the catch is that you only get one wish each."
"Just one?" snapped Lina. "That's pathetic!"
"Them's the rules," said Ertigon. "Live with 'em."
"One wish?" said Zelgadis quietly. "That's all I really need, isn't it?" He started walking towards the doorway.
Dashing forward with surprising speed for a man of his obvious age, Ertigon blocked the doorway and shouted, "Wait!" Startled, Zelgadis paused, regarding the ancient caretaker with confusion. "I'm not finished yet. The catch is, you get only one wish, and there are no refunds. If you don't like what you end up with, you're stuck. And a lot of wishes go horribly wrong. Believe me, in the past hundreds of years, I've seen an awful lot of wishes gone wrong."
"There's no way my wish can go wrong," said Zelgadis crossly.
"Just humour me, okay?" snapped Ertigon. "You might think you've got all the bases covered, but that's what every young whippersnapper who shows up here thinks. And nine times out of ten, it all ends in tragedy. I've seen so many sad stories over the years, it'd be impossible to tell 'em all. But I'll give it my best shot." The old man took a deep rasping breath and began.
"For example, there was that great warrior - what was his name? Derrick the Astonishing, or something silly like that - he came barging in here, demanding to be made the biggest, strongest man who ever lived. In my opinion, he already had more muscles than brains... He got his wish; puffed up like a balloon; got muscles on top of muscles, it was really interesting to watch. Anyway, afterwards, he tried to leave, to get back to the outside world, and he found he didn't fit through the doors anymore. Starved to death in here a couple of months later.
"And then there was that weedy little guy, who was apparently deeply in love with a beautiful maiden who'd never even noticed his existence. His wish was for her to fall deeply in love with him; from all accounts, she did, quite spectacularly too. But she loved him so much that she couldn't bear the thought of being apart from him for one second, so she killed herself in despair before he even got back home.
"And how could I forget that dear old lady, who wanted nothing more than to get her poor son back from the dead... She got him back, but as a zombie, a really ugly one, with its flesh dripping off everywhere... but I don't really need to go into detail with that one, now do I?"
Ertigon sighed. "I was once just like you kids; eager for a chance at glory, and convinced that a wish was the way to do it. Me and a bunch of my good friends made our way down here; I remember as if it were yesterday... We cast lots, to see who would go first; I lost. That was probably the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. One of my friends wished for the legendary Treasure of Rukh - tons of gold and jewels, lost years before in a tragic shipwreck. He was magically transported away, and we were all happy for him, until we remembered that the Treasure was most likely at the bottom of the stormy sea - and now, so was he. Then, another friend wished to become a powerful magician. He was having so much fun using his newfound powers, until he char-broiled himself by accident... He had all the powers of a great wizard, but very little of the control that comes with years of practicing the magical arts, and learning which spells really shouldn't be directed inwardly...
"Wish after wish went wrong, until I was the only one left. Horrified, I decided to wait here, and figure out how to craft a wish that would get me what I wanted, with no unpleasant surprises. Year after year, just about when I was ready to get my wish granted, another bunch of kids would come along and get themselves wished to death, or something close. No matter how much I warned them, they always went on to make exactly the same mistakes as others had made before.
"I never did make that wish of mine; instead, I decided to put my experience to good use. I wished to become this shrine's eternal guardian, so I could tell everyone who comes here wishing for glory about the serious risks involved. Over the years, I've managed to save a few lives, nothing more."
Ertigon's wizened face scrunched up in an indescribable expression. "Actually, I just realized... In all my years as caretaker, I've only seen one man go off, perfectly happy with his wish. He was hungry, so he wished for a nice mutton-lettuce-and-tomato sandwich. It was apparently very tasty. Strange man; I wonder what became of him..."
"A sandwich?" said Lina incredulously. "Sounds like something Gourry would wish for..."
Zelgadis regarded the ancient shrine caretaker calmly. "I've heard enough. Nothing you can tell me can change my mind. I'm ready to make my wish."
"That's what they all say... But there's really nothing I can do to stop you, more's the pity," said Ertigon sadly, moving out of Zelgadis's way.
The stone-skinned chimaera strode determinedly through the stone doorway, and into the humongous cavern beyond. As Lina and the others all piled in after him, she muttered, "What makes him think he gets to go first?" However, she let him take his place in front of the massive, glowing silver statue that dominated the room. "After all, it means so much to him," she quietly rationalized. Also, Ertigon Bathadigo's stories of wishes gone wrong had made her decide to think a little longer before making her own wish.
No sooner had Zelgadis stopped in front of the statue, when its silvery glow intensified, becoming almost too bright to look at. The statue portrayed a fat little person, apparently asleep, sitting cross-legged on an ornate throne. In complete silence, the statue opened its eyes, twin quicksilver pools of blinding light. It said in a whispery voice that somehow seemed louder than thunder, "WHAT IS YOUR WISH?"
Standing in front of the mysterious wish-giving statue, bathed by its light, Zelgadis realized just how close he was to having his dream come true. Anticipation made him more nervous than he'd ever been before; he noticed how badly his hands were shaking. His mouth suddenly dry, Zelgadis said, "I wish... I wish to be changed back to my true form. I wish to be a human man again."
One second passed, then another, then another...
"Hmm," croaked Ertigon. "It's never taken this long before." Amelia shot him a poisonous glare.
As the seconds passed, no one could tear their eyes away from Zelgadis. He stood, trembling, under the mystical silver statue's unblinking gaze. Second after second passed, and absolutely nothing happened. Zelgadis's expression became more and more dejected. Seconds became minutes; he swallowed hard, and tried to blink away tears. Shaking hands balled into fists at the cruel injustice of it all; he was just about to dash off in despair when the statue spoke again.
"DO YOU WISH TO BE RETURNED TO YOUR TRUE FORM?"
Buoyed by sudden hope, but a little confused, Zelgadis answered, "Yes!"
"THEN, SO BE IT."
The moment the statue spoke those final words, Zelgadis was surrounded by a maelstrom of light. He became the eye at the centre of a blazing hurricane of magical force. Everyone could feel the sheer magnitude of the power being used; Lina was amazed to discover that the very air crackled with magic.
It only took a few seconds. The magic died away, and Zelgadis collapsed facedown on the cavern's floor. The silver glow around the statue died down to its previous intensity, and the quicksilver eyes closed. The statue was asleep once more.
Immediately, Lina, Amelia, and Gourry dashed towards their unconscious friend. "Look," said Amelia, kneeling down beside him. "His skin - it's normal... He's going to be so happy..."
"Let's get him rolled over," said Lina, getting a solid grip on one of Zelgadis's shoulders. "It must be awfully uncomfortable, lying on his face like that." She was happy for him, and quite curious to see what he looked like without the stone skin. Gourry helped her turn Zelgadis over, but the moment they got a good look at their friend...
Lina's eyes bugged out. Amelia let out a muffled shriek. Only Gourry could bring himself to speak; he stared with unbelieving eyes at what his friend had become, and gasped, "A... a woman...?"
Ertigon coughed to get everyone's attention. "I hate to say this, I really do," he said, smiling grimly, "but... I told you so." There was no hint of humour in his dark eyes.
With a voice full of sadness, Ertigon said, "Remember - no refunds." He turned and slowly shuffled back to his book-filled room.