Lina gave Zelgadis a withering glare.
He matched her glare with his own.
Amelia and Gourry cringed back in fear lest they get caught in a passing Fireball or a Flare Arrow. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife.
"For the last time, we are going to a restaurant, NOT a bath house. You got that, Stone Boy?"
"And for the last time, I am going to a bath house instead of watching the three of you stuff your faces like barbarians."
"Maybe if you stuffed your face too instead of just drinking coffee, you won't be so adamantly against going to a restaurant."
Zelgadis snorted indelicately. "Stuff my face like you? Impossible! Do I have a sign on my head that say Bottomless Pit?"
Lina growled and clenched her fists. "That's it! I can take jokes about my breasts, my height, and even my temper! But no one disses my appetite!!"
Zelgadis' eyes wandered to Lina's torso as he raised a sarcastic eyebrow.
"What breasts?"
Lina exploded with her world famous temper. After much yelling and fang bearing, she calmed down enough to drag Gourry and Amelia down the town street to the restaurant. She stopped only once to give one more glare to Zelgadis.
"Go and have your precious bath! See if I care!!" yelled Lina.
"We'll meet you later, okay Zelgadis?" yelled Gourry.
"I'll miss you Mr. Zelgadis!!" yelled Amelia.
Zelgadis' face was an expressionless mask as she towed the poor Swordsman and Princess behind her. When she turned the corner and disappeared, his face relaxed and he sighed with relief. He knew he had been more cruel than necessary but he wanted to take a bath alone. To relax, meditate, and calm his turbulent mind. Disaster after disaster, enemy after enemy, has been flung in their way and Zelgadis needed some time for himself. The best way to ditch Lina and the crew was insult her and let her sulk it off with food.
He pulled up his mask a bit higher and walked the winding paths to the small bath house. Towns always made him feel self conscience so he tried to keep a low profile. He hoped that the bath house was unoccupied so he can bath without embarrassment.
After getting lost a bit he found what he was looking for. He entered the public bath house and paid the necessary fees for a long soak.
He carried his bucket full of bath utensils and settled himself at the corner. Luckily, the room was empty.
Zelgadis slid into the piping hot water with a satisfied groan. The steaming liquid felt wonderful against his stone skin. When he was in the bath, feeling the water lap against his body, he could almost forget his skin was stone and just relax.
A big smile settled on his face that soon turned into a wry grin. "Damn...I hope Lina doesn't give me too much grief later."
With that thought, he slid further into the water and closed his eyes. After awhile, he started to nod off to sleep.
"Hello, Zelgadis! Fancy meeting you here!"
Zelgadis sputtered water as he stood up straight in the bath. He blinked the water from his eyes as he stared at Xellos incredulously. He was fully clothed and floating just above the bath water.
"What the hell are you doing here?!?!"
"Why to take a bath of course!"
Then Xellos' eyes wandered down below Zelgadis' belt line.
"Oh my. You're much bigger than I thought."
Zelgadis blushed crimson and quickly sat back down into the water.
"Don't be embarrassed, Zelgadis. We all have our moments of thermal expansion."
Zelgadis clenched his teeth in anger. "I DO NOT HAVE AN ERECTION, OKAY?!?! SO BACK OFF!!"
Xellos giggled and floated closer to Zelgadis. "Oh, I see...so that's your natural size. I'm so impressed Zelgadis! I never credited you to have such impressive proportions! I'm sure Amelia is very happy."
Zelgadis swung a wild punch aiming for Xellos' head. The Priest just giggled, dematerialized and appeared beside Zelgadis.
"Ohh...did I touch a nerve? So Amelia isn't satisfied after all?!"
Zelgadis started to power up a Dug Haut but stopped mid way. He didn't want to destroy the bath house since he certainly didn't have the money to pay for the damages. Besides, it would be exactly what Xellos wanted, a violent reaction.
Zelgadis powered down the spell. I'd be damned before I give that bastard what he wants. I won't give him the satisfaction of successfully annoying me... I'd rather be married to Amelia.
So with a few deep breaths, Zelgadis settled back into the water and blatantly ignored Xellos.
The Mazoku Priest stared at the Chimera for a few minutes, and waited for a violent reaction. A Fireball, a Flare Arrow, a Ra Tilt, anything. But none came his way.
Xellos smiled slyly. So you refuse to be angered, Zel chan? Well, let's see who cracks first...
Xellos put on a pouty face and fanned himself with his hand. "It sure is hot in here. I don't like bath houses very much but with such a lively companion like you, it's sure isn't boring! And all this time I thought you were just a bag of uninteresting stone!"
Not a twitch.
Xellos stopped fanning himself. Okay, so sarcasm doesn't bother him...
With a smirk, Xellos pulled out an ice cream cone from nowhere. He delicately protruded his tongue and took careful licks while gazing at Zelgadis intently. The Chimera looked up from his scrubbing and frowned. His eyes moved from the ice cream cone to Xellos and back, with each succession his frown becoming darker. Xellos just smiled wider and continued to lick the melting cone seductively.
Zelgadis' upper lip twitched.
Lick.
Twitch.
Lick.
Twitch.
Lick.
Twitch.
LICK. LICK. LICK.
TWITCH. TWITCH. TWITCH.
Zelgadis lifted his bucket and splashed hot water into Xellos' face, resulting in a disintegrated ice cream and a forlorn Xellos.
"Quit it."
With that parting shot, Zelgadis continued his scrubbing.
Xellos pouted like a child and discarded the cone. "Aww...you're no fun, Zel chan!"
"Too bad. Now get the hell out of here so I can enjoy my bath."
"I can't do that! That would be less fun!"
Zelgadis didn't bother wasting his energy for a retort.
This is harder than I anticipated. It usually only takes a little teasing before Zelgadis blows up at me...I wonder why he's so controlled today...
Then Xellos had an inspiration.
"Oh Zelgadis...want to know a secret? I have a real juicy one you'd love to know about..."
"I don't want any of your secrets."
Xellos giggled and waggled his finger. "Oh, but you gotta know this one! Remember when Amelia asked me if I wear boxers or briefs? Well, my answer wasn't entirely true."
Zelgadis rinsed the soapy suds off his body. "Whatever."
Steam escaped from Xellos' ears as his frustration rose. But then a cheerful grin was once again plastered to his face.
"The truth is, I wear boxers! I'll show them to you!"
With a flourish, Xellos swept the clothes off his body, revealing his boxer shorts.
It was decorated with tiny Chibi Zelgadises all over it.
Oh the horror.
A twist of his wrist and a mike appeared in Xellos' hand. He started prancing around in front of Zelgadis, singing:
"I'm too sexy for these shorts! Too sexy for these shorts! TOO SEXY, YEAH!!"
Zelgadis choked on his bile as he watched the Trickster Priest dance in front of him.
Xellos continued to shake his booties, making gyrating motions that set off a fountain of blood from Zelgadis' nose. The giggling Mazoku was enjoying every moment.
"So whatcha think, Zel chan? Do you like them? I had them custom made for me a few months ago. Now I can brag to all my friends I finally got you in my pants and it won't be a lie!!"
The water around Zelgadis steamed and evaporated due to the battle aura radiating from his body.
"Xellos..."
"Yes?"
"YOU ARE SO DEAD, YOU BASTARD!!!!! RA TILT!!!!"
KABOOM!!!!
Lina chewed on a chicken leg as she surveyed the damage.
The bath house was in a few million pieces, scattered here and there. Actually, the whole town was in shambles. Most people passing by would think it was Lina's handy Dragon Slave that was the cause but just this time, Lina was innocent.
"So let me get this straight. Xellos started prancing around like a fairy boy in front of you, wearing nothing but boxer shorts with little Chibi Zelgadises on it? And this was a good enough reason to use the most destructive Shamanistic spell on him? Geez...talk about overkill, Zel."
A vein popped on Zelgadis' forehead.
"I know it was very irrational of me but I couldn't help it. You had to be there, Lina. It had to be one of the most embarrassing and humiliating moment for me. If being a statue wasn't bad enough, I don't need some fruity Mazoku to mock me as well!!"
The previously mentioned mocker materialized behind Zelgadis.
"Well, it's not by fault you can't take a joke, Zel chan!"
Zelgadis whirled around and started to choke Xellos.
"YOU BASTARD!!"
"Ack...guh...maybe...you...should...stop...choking ...me...and...look...behind...you."
Gourry tapped Zelgadis on his shoulder. "Um...Zelgadis...I'd listen to him if I were you..."
He turned around and came face to face with the town mob. They were soot stained and bearing weapons.
"You monsters!! How dare you destroy our peaceful little town! You'll pay for all of this, you hear!?"
GULP.
Zelgadis dropped Xellos like a hot potato and started to run. Lina, Gourry, and Amelia were right behind him.
Xellos floated along beside Zelgadis, happy as a clam.
"What a predicament we have here, Zel chan! Isn't being chased by murderous mobs so much fun?"
"AHHH!!! I HATE YOU, YOU DAMN MAZOKU SCUM!!!"
Xellos giggled. "I knew the sarcasm will get him sooner or later!"