Tasuki: HOW MANY DAMN TIMES DO I NEED TO TELL YOU?!?! I AM NOT GAY!!!
Lina: WELL YOU CAN SURE CONVINCE ME, SISSY BOY!! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE SO YOU CAN DANCE AROUND MORE?!?!
Tasuki brandished his tessen.
Tasuki: THAT'S IT!! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!!
Lina brandished her fists.
Lina: BRING IT ON!!
Then Amelia and Chichiri fell on top of the pyromaniacs.
Amelia: OOF!!
Chichiri: DA!!
Lina: AHH!!
Tasuki: F***!!
Kouji shook his head ruefully while he surveyed the tangle of limbs.
Tasuki: Chichiri!! Why the hell are you always doing this to me? Can't you ever land elsewhere?!
Chichiri smiled sheepishly and rubbed his sore bottom.
Chichiri: Sorry about that, Tasuki, but I don't do it on purpose, no da. It just happens this way, na no da.
Screaming her joy, Amelia jumped on Lina and hugged her to death.
Amelia: Oh, Miss Lina! You're safe! I thought we'd be separated forever and ever!
Lina: Cringe. Glad to see you too, Amelia. Now could you get off of me? I can't breath.
Amelia: Oh, silly me!
She got off Lina but continued to look at the sorceress genius with shiny eyes. Lina just ignored her.
Lina: Amelia, where is Gourry and Zelgadis?
Amelia: I was hoping they were with you. They're not here?
Lina: No. After I got sucked into that weird book, I found this bandit and his gang raiding a village.
Tasuki: We were not raiding that village, you idiot!! Is that why you attacked my men?!
Lina: Snort. Don't lie, you scumbag. It was plain to my eyes you were sacking those poor villagers of their lives and valuables! And I was gonna grab some of that loot too before you came along, you jerk...
Tasuki: The Mt. Leikaku Bandits are honourable! We only target rich bastards who deserve to be fleeced! We don't even keep all of the loot!
Lina: Then what were you doing attacking the villagers?
Tasuki: Grr. How many f***ing times do I have to tell ya? We were not attacking the village!! A man came to our stronghold asking for help because his village was being attacked!! We were helping the f***ing villagers!!
Chichiri: I can support this, Miss Inverse. The Mt. Leikaku Bandits are known to the Emperor of this country and Hotohori sama would never accept bad behaviour.
Lina eyed the strange blue haired monk.
Lina: Who are you?
Amelia: This is Chichiri, Miss Lina! He found me after I landed in this strange world! He is so very kind and definitely a defender of justice.
Chichiri: Nice to meet ya, no da!
Lina shook hands with Chichiri but couldn't help shuddering a bit. The constant happy smile glued to Chichiri's face reminded her too much of Xellos.
Lina: So what is exactly going on here? Where are we?
Chichiri spent a good hour or so explaining to Lina about the Universe of the Four Gods and everything that entails it. I could go into the details but that would take too long and I'm a lazy writer. Besides, Lina is a smart girl and she caught on to the important details pretty quick, and we ALL know what the important details are...
Lina: Wow! This Miko business is so sweet! I wish I was a Miko and have 7 gorgeous men at my beck and call! And all the stuff I'd wish for!
Tasuki: If you were the Miko, I'd kill myself.
Lina: Evil grin. Do you have a death wish, fairy boy? Because I can arrange it very easily.
Tasuki: Baring fangs. Oh, like a weak little girl like you can defeat me.
A loud cough interrupted the two hotheads.
Kouji: Well, it looks like you people have a lot of work on your hands. You gotta find the rest of your friends, figure out how to get back to your world and why this Xellos has the Shijintenchisho. Not too mention who this mysterious old lady is and why she gave the book to him in the first place. It might be another evil God like Tenkou who's trying to sucker in Mikos for all we know. That would leave both our worlds in peril and we gotta stop it if it's something like that. It's a grave situation and I suggest you people scramble and get going.
Everyone looked at Kouji in amazement. Amelia hadn't even noticed he was there.
Chichiri: Da...that had never occurred to me...this could be serious, no da! Let's hurry everyone! We have to go back to the palace to make a plan, no da!
Tasuki: Then stop yakking and start transporting!!
Chichiri threw his kesa on to the floor. Amelia and Tasuki jumped in and disappeared.
Lina: You mean your cloak is going to transport us there? How convenient! I'll pay you 100 silver pieces for it!
Chichiri: My kesa isn't for sale, no da. Would you stop dallying and jump in, na no da?
Lina: 200 silver pieces!
Chichiri: DA!!! WHY IS EVERYONE FROM YOUR WORLD SO ANNOYING, NO DA?!?!
Gourry was in a lovely dream.
A huge table heavily laden with food was shimmering before his eyes. He delved in like a man who'd been starved for months.
Gourry: This is so good! Too bad Lina isn't here because she'd love this!
Tomo watched this silently, cloaked in his invisibility. He closed his Shin and faded off as Gourry continued to eat to his heart's content. Gourry was too stupid to realize that it was all an illusion, created by the Shin, Tomo's clam of illusion.
Tomo: Sigh. I've tortured him for most of the day and the poor sap needs a break. Besides, I like to play with my prey slowly.
He grinned evilly and got ready to let out a cackle.
Tomo: Ka -
Knock! Knock!
Tomo: Grumble. Who the hell could that be?
He opened the door to a Fed Ex delivery man.
Fedm : Hello, Mr. Tomo? I have a package for you from Mr. Nakago. Please sign here.
Tomo signed on the dotted line and took the package. He closed the door and stared at the box.
Tomo: What could this be? A gift from my darling, Nakkie poo?
He ripped open the box and found a velvet pouch nestled among a mass of paper. Hands shaking, Tomo opened the pouch and pulled out a note. It said:
To my sweet Tomo. Today is the 5th anniversary of the day we met. Enjoy my gifts, my little paint pallet .
P.S.: Try not to antagonize Soi, eh? I can't stand her bitching anymore.
Tomo: WAI!! HE REMEMBERED OUR ANNIVERSARY!!!!
The ecstatically happy Tomo pulled out his gifts from the pouch.
Tomo: WAI!! HE GAVE ME A WHIP!!!! AND MATCHING HANDCUFFS!!!!
His eyes glistening from joyful tears, he clasped the gifts to his chest.
Tomo: This the happiest moment of my life! Only if Nakago sama was here with me! But he isn't...he's busy plotting against those blasted Suzaku Seishi...and I really wanted to try out this whip...
He deflated into a depressed little ball. Then he suddenly cheered up when he remembered Gourry in his illusion.
Tomo: I know!! I'll try it out on that blond idiot first! KAKAKAKA!!!!!
He took out his Shin and deleted the illusion that Gourry was enjoying.
Gourry: Hey! What happened to my food?!
The poor swordsman cried as the sumptuous feast was replaced with the dungeon. Then he saw Tomo approach him with a feline smile on his face. He was so horrified by the Seiryuu Seishi, he didn't see the whip in his hand until it was too late...
Tomo: Well, my pretty, I just received a wonderful new toy from my Nakago sama and you have the honour of being the first recipient of its caresses...
Gourry: BUT I DON'T WANT THIS HONOUR!!!!
Tomo: You have no choice!! KAKAKAKAKA!!!!!!
Gourry: LINA!!! SAVE ME!!!!!
Xellos got up from the lukewarm bath to refill it with hot water.
Xellos: Hmm...maybe I should stop reading this in the bath...I'm getting all wrinkled...
Zellas: XELLOS!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!
Xellos: Ack!
He fell back into the bath water ungracefully. Sputtering water, he got up and tried to cover his nakedness. The image of an angry Zellas Metallium floated in front of him.
Zellas: Don't bother, Xellos. It's not like I haven't seen everything already.
Xellos: Blush. But that was a long time ago, Mistress Zellas.
Zellas: Leer. And I see that you're still in fantastic shape.
Xellos: Sweatdrop. So what brings you here, Mistress?
Zellas' hentai grin was quickly replaced with a frown when she remembered why she came looking for Xellos. A naked Xellos had that effect on people.
Zellas: Annoyed. I ordered you to keep a eye on Lina Inverse. Instead, you send her to this other world while you lazy around in a bubble bath. What is the meaning of this?
Xellos: Taiitsu-kun.
Zellas: Ugh!! That old hag again?! What the hell is she doing asking you to do this? Didn't you screw up the last time you tried to help her?
Xellos: But that wasn't my fault, Mistress! It was a honest mistake!
Zellas: Whatever. So what does she want with Lina and her friends?
Xellos: That's -
Zellas: You say that to me and you'll be chained to my bed so fast, you won't know what hit you.
Xellos swallowed the rest of his words.
Xellos: Well, Taiitsu-kun needs certain tasks to be done and they are the only ones who can do it. I was to assist them in their quest but I was having so much fun reading their sad predicament, I lost track of time. ^_^
The image of Zellas fizzed on and off due to her displeasure.
Zellas: I want Lina Inverse back in our world as soon as possible. You hear me, Xellos?
Xellos: Perfectly.
Zellas: THEN GO AND HELP THEM THIS INSTANT!!!! AND BRING BACK LINA INVERSE IN ONE PIECE!!!!
She opened a portal between the two worlds and hurled the naked Xellos through.
Xellos: BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON!!!!!!
Zellas: TOO BAD!!!!!!
And so, Xellos joined the merry gang in the Shijintenchisho. The story just got a little more fruity. ^_^
Chapter 8 | Fanfiction