He won't listen to me. He won't believe me when I say I wasn't the one who did it. I didn't make him into a chimera. However, he insists that he remembers it that way. He claims I betrayed him. I did betray him, but not the way he thinks. I shouldn't have walked away. I shouldn't have even offered my own grandson for the sake of my cure. I could have stopped Xelloss, but I didn't. Oh, L-Sama, I still can hear him crying out for me to help him. But, like the cold hearted bastard I am, I walked away. The screams, his screams, I can still hear them in my sleep. I can hear my grandson's screams and Xelloss' laughter still at night. I was such a greedy bastard. What possessed me to let it happen. Now, Zelgadiss hates me and I think Xelloss is the one who did it. He was the one who changed him and altered his memory. I don't know how he did it. Zelgadiss won't let me near him, so I can't scan his mind. If, I could, I could find the walls blocking his true memories and I might find a clue to a cure to condition. But, he won't let me near him. He doesn't want me to touch him. He doesn't trust me. I don't blame him.
Zelgadiss closed the journal with trembling hands. He'd searched a long time for a cure and had found one of Rezo's old lab, but it had been found previously and ran sacked. He'd only found this journal, Rezo's journal.
The journal talked of things he remembered. He remembered Rezo denying that he had changed him. But, Zelgadiss wouldn't listen to him. He had been so sure that the blind priest was lying.
However, here was the denial again, in writing. In a book, Rezo had probably never expected to be read. Why would he lie in it? And what about the rest? Xelloss had been there? What had he done to him, other than change him? Zelgadiss felt rage build within him. Could Xelloss be responsible for him being a chimera? Could he have known a cure all this time?
Zelgadiss had to know. He stood up and left the room. He immediately left the village, knowing exactly what he was looking for. He traveled alone. He'd not traveled with Lina or the others for a year now. He wouldn't admit that he missed the company still, after all this time. However, he wasn't always alone, unfortunately.
"Zel-chan, you seem to be on your way to something important. Do you have another cure to find?" came the soft male voice.
Zelgadiss remembered what the journal had said. There was a possibility that this damn mazuku had caused his problems. Which meant he couldn't let the mazuku know what he was doing.
"No, I'm not. GO AWAY!"
"Ahh, Zel-chan, you don't have to be so rude. You'd think your heart was made out of...."
"GO AWAY. I DON'T WANT YOU FOLLOWING ME, YOU SCUMMY, FILTHY MAZUKU."
Xelloss took a step back in shock. Zelgadiss was very angry, more so than usual. He could sense the rage coming off him in waves. Xelloss opened his eyes to stare at the retreating chimera.
"I'd better find out what's up." He took a step to follow, but felt the summons of his master and sighed. "I guess I'll have to find out later what you are up to." and vanished.
Zelgadiss found what he was looking for. It was a small temple. A temple that specialized in astral magic. He walked in and was greeted by one of the priests.
"Hello, may I help you, sir"
"Can you scan a person's mind to find any hidden memories."
"Yes, sir. We can do that."
"That's what I need you to do. I have reason to believe that I've had some memories hidden from me."
"Very well, come in a make yourself comfortable."
Zelgadiss laid down on the couch offered him and waited for the priest to sit down beside him.
"Now, I'm going to put you and myself into a trance, when I..."
"No offense, but I know astral magic," Zelgadiss replied curtly, "I just can't do it on myself."
The priest sighed, "Very well, let's begin."
Zelgadiss closed his eyes and immediately found himself in a room full of boxes, boxes that were unlocked and easy to open. He realized that this room was a representation of his mind, the boxes were his memories. Suddenly, the priest appeared beside him.
"Ahh, this is a familiar setup. A lot of peoples' minds work this way, creating a very similar representation."
"Let's just get on with it." Zelgadiss growled, "We are looking for any locked or otherwise hard to open box or boxes. Those would symbolize any memories that have been blocked."
They began walking through the dreamscape, walking through monotonous scenery of white boxes.
"I think I found it," came the voice of the priest. Zelgadiss had not realized that he'd wondered off. He walked over looking at the box. It was not made out of wood like the others. It was made out thick black brick walls.
"Interesting, this wall is not only holding a hidden memory, the walls themselves are memories themselves. Possibly, falsely constructed memories," the priest commented.
Zelgadiss stared at the walls. All he could think of is that they may hold a secret to the curse of his life.
"Smash it open," he ordered.
"Break it open!?" the priest stammered, "These are obviously very strong memories. You can't just release them onto your mind. You could go crazy!"
"Smash them! I would myself, but I can't do it myself. So, just do it"
"You aren't listening. This could cripple your mind..."
"and it may not. I have dealt with many things in my life and I'm willing to risk this as well. I have to know what was done to me. I need to know who betrayed me, who changed me, and why. So, you either smash this f$%#ing wall or I will come out of my trance and kill you where you sit. I will not go on living, not knowing. I may need to deal with something I should have dealt with a long time ago."
The priest stared at him and swallowed, "Very well." He then mentally focused and conjured up a mental sledge hammer. He lifted the hammer to swing and took one more look at Zelgadiss. Zelgadiss nodded, telling him to continue. The priest took a deep breathe and swung.
CRAAACK
Zelgadiss screamed and fell to his knees, holding his head. The priest stopped to look at him.
"DON'T STOP. SMASH IT! DO IT! JUST DO IT!"
The priest swung one more time and the wall cracked again. The crack spread and the wall crumbled, revealing a black wooden box, covered in dust. The lid cracked open and the priest found himself thrown out of the dreamscape and back into his own body from the force of the released memory.
He blinked his eyes, trying to focus on his surroundings. First thing he noticed was the screams. He focused on the screams to find the youth still in the trance and screaming and arching his back as if in pain.
"STOP. PLEASE STOP! GRANDFATHER, DON'T GO. HELP ME! PLEASE HELP ME. DON'T LEAVE!" He twisted around on the bed. Tears streaming down his cheeks, as he screamed, hands outstretched as if trying to push something off him. "PLEASE, STOP I DON'T WA....." He was interrupted by another scream as he clutched at his chest and at some invisible object, as if trying to pull it out. "NOOOOOOOO!" He suddenly bolted upright, tears and sweat running down his face. His eyes focused on the priest.
"That bastard," he sobbed, curling into a fetal position, "the bastard did this to me. He hurt me, then he changed me."
The priest stepped forward reaching a hand out to comfort the youth.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" as he bolted from to the other side of the couch, out of reach.
The priest raised his hands, "I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help?"
Zelgadiss stood there a moment, trying to stifle the painful tears, then his mind settled on one thought.
"Do you know white magic? Can you heal a wound?"
"Well, yes I can. But..."
"O.K., first I need you scan the interior of my chest and look for a foreign object," he hesitantly laid down on the couch again.
"Ooookaaay," looking skeptical, the priest placed his hands over his chest, noticing the youth stiffen from the closeness. He closed his eyes and concentrated. He searched carefully, noting the normal human organs, that were encased in this rock exterior. Suddenly, he stopped. That wasn't normal. There was an object, possibly a rock of some kind. How did it get in there? He snorted. What was he thinking, why ask such a question of a man with rock skin.
"I found something, it seems to be a small rock. What are you going to do about it?"
Zelgadiss stifled a sob. This was a confirmation of the memory. A confirmation that it had really happened. He closed his eyes trying to compose himself.
"YOU are going to cut it out," and calmly handed him the enchanted dagger he carried with him.
"You want me to do what!"
"I can do it myself, but it would be easier and safer if you do it. Please!" Zelgadiss answered, tears running down his cheeks. "I've got to have it out."
The priest sighed, "Don't you want to wait for me to get a painkiller."
"No," Zelgadiss begged, " I can't wait anymore. Just cut in quickly, reach in, pull it out, and quickly heal the wound."
The priest grimaced, "Very well."
He place the dagger tip on Zelgadiss' chest, right above where the object was.
"DO IT!"
The priest pushed and the blade slipped through Zelgadiss' chest. Zel bit his lip to stifle the scream and dug his fingers into the sofa to hold himself down. The priest quickly cut down, widening the hole to permit his hand to go in. He looked at the wound for a moment, grimacing at what he was to do. He then pushed his hand into the wound and carefully felt around for the object. He could hear Zelgadiss hiss in pain and his body tense to keep himself from moving. He tried to hurry up, brushing his fingers lightly along the interior of the wound. Then, he felt it. A cold hard object, colder than the rest of the flesh around it.
He slowly pulled it out and looked at it. It looked like a normal stone, now encased in blood. Zelgadiss' eyes focused on it and he reached up to remove it from his hands.
"Please, heal the wound."
The priest shocked that he'd allowed himself to be distracted by the stone, quickly turned to heal the wound. Zelgadiss continued to hold the stone, looking at it, running his fingers over it, getting blood on his hands. The priest watched the wound heal. First, the interior flesh melded back together and then the skin started to form. However, it was not blue rock skin that formed, but pink human skin. He watched in stunned amazement as the skin slowly spread across his chest and over the rest of his body. He watched it move up his neck and up to his face, the facial features softening. His hair turned a fawn colored brown and relaxed falling in gentle wisps across his face and down his neck.
Zelgadiss stared at his human fingers that now held the stone. He picked himself up and looked at the priest. He smiled faintly. He felt weird; bitter. He couldn't help think that he should be happy, but this also confirmed the memory.
His grandfather had betrayed him in a much different way. In a way, this betrayal was worse. And Xelloss. What he had done. How he'd hurt him and then blocked out the memory.
Zelgadiss wrapped his arms around himself and cried. Damn him. Damn that mazuku!
Zelgadiss looked up at the astonished priest. "I'm sorry for the problems I caused. Do I owe you anything?"
"No, we are here to serve the people. We do not ask for payment."
Zelgadiss nodded his head in acknowledgment. "Well, then here is a donation. You can take donations, right?"
"Thank you."
Zelgadiss stood up. "I'll be leaving now. Thank you for your patience." He stepped out the door, pulling the hood over his head.
The priest cocked his head, "Do you really need the hood anymore?"
Zelgadiss stared back at the priest, "Yes, yes I do."
Then he turned and walked away.
Zelgadiss stood by the river, staring at the new reflection. He had lost so much and it was that damn mazuku's fault. He felt new tears run down his cheek.
"Ah Zel-chan, I hope you ar feeling better. You were in a very disagreeable mood, the last time I saw you," came the familiar tenor voice.
Zelgadiss lifted his mask over his face and turned to the general/priest. He glared at Xelloss, feeling the hatred rise. Xelloss stared back. Did the priest look worried? Could he sense his hatred?
"I just found out some information." He watched as Xelloss stared him, a question written on his face. "I found out about this." He put out his hand, still covered in blood and holding the stone. He watched Xelloss gasp and his eyes widen, as he removed his mask and hood revealing his human face.
Xelloss mind whirled. How could this have happened. He'd waited patiently, his heart aching all this time to reclaim his beauty, to win his heart, and just before he could, his love had to discover the truth.
"You did it to me. You made me a chimera," the hatred building inside. "Why? Why did you do this to me?"
"I'm sorry."
"What?!"
"I said, I'm sorry." Pain was written all over the mazuku's face. "I kept planning to change you back, but I never got the chance. Please, I'm sorry."
"Sorry?! You think that will make it better. You think that will erase the fact that you raped me." He watched as Xelloss winced at the last remark. "You raped me in more than one way. You raped me sexually, physically, and mentally, and you expect "I'm sorry" to make it all better."
"I know, I shouldn't have done it. I didn't realize I would fall in love with you."
"What?! Fall in love with me?! You only regret it, because you think you have fallen in love with me, you bastard."
"No, that's not what I mean... I do feel sorry for what I did, but I do love you. Please, forgive me." Xelloss looked at him, tears brimming in his eyes, hands outstretched as if begging him to reach out and hug him, forgive him.
"WHAT?! YOU THINK THIS WILL FIX IT ALL. YOU THINK THIS WILL FIX THE WOUND THAT YOU RIPPED OPEN IN MY SOUL. I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU, NEVER." Zelgadiss screamed in rage, tears soaking his cheeks, turning around to walk away.
"PLEASE, DON'T GO!" Tears were now coming unstopped from Xelloss' eyes. Pain was etched in every crease of his face, as he stepped forward as if trying to follow and stop Zelgadiss from leaving.
Zelgadiss turned around, sarcasm dripping from every word. "Well, I think I've heard this before. Didn't I scream that when my grandfather abandoned me to you? Well, now it's your turn to scream," Zelgadiss growled, his face twisting in anger.
"Please, I'm sorry," Xelloss begged, "What can I do that would let you forgive me."
"You could die," Zelgadiss growled, watching the priest take a pained step back. "I want to see you dead. I WANT TO SEE YOUR LIFELESS BODY LAYING ON THE GROUND, YOUR LIFE'S BLOOD SPILLING ON THE GROUND. I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU. YOU'LL NEVER LIVE TO SEE ME FORGIVE YOU. YOU AREN'T WORTH FORGIVING."
Zelgadiss then stormed off, leaving Xelloss, with a tear stained face, to fall to his hands and knees and sob.
Zelgadiss didn't know what to do now. He's searched so long for a cure, that now that he had it, he didn't know what to do. He had tested his magic. It still seemed to work. It wasn't as powerful as before, but it still worked. He guessed years of practice had made up for the lack of inborn talent.
He decided to roam a little while. He needed to find something to do with his life.
He hadn't seen Xelloss, but he had sensed his presence. He ignored the presence, knowing that acknowledging it would just encourage the priest. However, he still couldn't ignore the pain inside, the pain he knew that mazuku had caused.
He walked quietly for a while, noting the presence of the mazuku was closer and quickly spun, throwing his dagger. Xelloss phased aside. The dagger planted itself into a tree, where Xelloss solemnly plucked it out and tossed it gently to Zelgadiss, who caught it and held it out in an offensive stance.
"GO AWAY!"
"No, I can't go away. Whether you forgive me or not, I still love you. I need to watch you, protect you."
"PROTECT ME! YOU'VE CAUSED MORE DAMAGE THAN ALL THE BANDITS I'VE MET ALONG THE WAY. GO AWAY!"
"No, I won't!"
"STOP TORTURING ME. GO AWAY!"
"I have no wish to torture you. I just need to watch you. I admit it's a completely selfish thing."
"LIKE WHAT YOU DID LONG AGO."
Xelloss winced, "No, not that selfish. I promise, I'll never be that selfish again. Please forgive me."
"NO, I TOLD YOU I'D NEVER FORGIVE YOU......" Zelgadiss charged Xelloss, dagger drawn. He knew in the back of his mind that Xelloss would just phase out of the way, but he didn't care. However, Xelloss didn't move and the blade hit him, straight in the center of the chest. Xelloss gasped, wobbled, and fell forward onto his knee, Zelgadiss instinctively catching him.
"Xelloss, why didn't you move?" Zelgadiss asked, wide eyed.
"You said, that to gain your forgiveness, I had to die." He looked up at Zelgadiss, who was still holding him by the shoulders, tears rolling down his face, "I'll do anything to get your forgiveness. Please forgive me."
"No, my blade is enchanted, but it still couldn't kill you," Zelgadiss stated, looking down at the handle embedded in Xelloss' chest. His eyes widened as he realized something. "This isn't my blade." He looked up at Xelloss in shock. "You switched the blades."
Xelloss smiled weakly, "I replaced it with a blade that could kill me." He suddenly gasped and crumpled sideways off his knees. Zelgadiss now had him cradled in his arms. "Please, forgive me," Xelloss pleaded again, crying.
"No," Zelgadiss stood, letting Xelloss drop to the ground. He stood there looking at Xelloss in disbelief. "This is just a game. Once I forgive you, you'll be back up and gloating at me."
"No, Zelgadiss," Xelloss sobbed, coughing up blood, "it's not a game. Pleeeaaase, forgive me. I need you to forgive me."
"NO!"
"PLEASE, I LOVE YOU. I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. PLEASE FORGIVE ME."
"NO!"
Xelloss closed his eyes, growing weaker. "Please, forgive me."
"No!" feeling tears run down his cheek. Why was he crying? This was a joke. Xelloss wasn't dying. Besides, even if he was, that's what he'd wanted. To see Xelloss dead. Wasn't it?
"Please forgive me"
"NO!" he screamed.
"Please...forgi..." Xelloss gasped, then relaxed and stopped breathing.
Zelgadiss stared at Xelloss' now still body. He got down on his knees and shook him. "Xelloss, this isn't funny." No response. Zelgadiss was growing more frantic. He straddled Xelloss and slapped him. "Damn it, this isn't funny. Wake up!" Zelgadiss stared in shock into Xelloss' now vacant eyes.
"WAKE UP", slapping Xelloss face frantically.
"LEAVE HIM ALONE. HE'S DEAD," bellowed a female voice.
Zelgadiss turned to see a dark skinned, blond woman. She stared at Zelgadiss, hatred filling her eyes.
"Because of you, I've lost my favorite servant."
"You can raise him, resurrect him, right?" Zelgadiss asked, almost begged.
"I can, but he promised me not to. That's the only reason your not dead. He made me promise not to kill you after you killed him."
"What do you mean, he didn't want you to raise him?"
"It would have been an empty gesture to die for you and then be brought back. Besides, he said he couldn't live with you hating him. He didn't want to come back unless you had forgiven him and obviously you haven't. So, I'm here for his body."
Xellas reached down to pick up the body. But, Zelgadiss clung to him. "No, you have to bring him back."
"I can't. Now, you had better let go. You are a mere human now. I could kill you without thinking twice."
"No," continuing to cling to Xelloss, "bring him back."
"Do you forgive him? He said he'd just kill himself again, if you hadn't forgiven him, and make it therefore, a waste of my time to bring him back."
Zelgadiss stammered, "I can't...."
"Fine, then give him to me."
"NO!"
"DO YOU FORGIVE HIM!"
"Yes," Zelgadiss sobbed, "I forgive him. I want him back. I don't know why I want the bastard back, but I do. Please, bring him back."
Xellas smiled, "Very well, I'll still need his body. So, let it go. I'll take him back to our plane of existence and bring him back." She paused, smiling at Zelgadiss, and reached out to cup his chin, "I told him it was dangerous to fall in love, but...," she pulled him closer to get a closer look at his face, "....I can see why he fell in love with you. You are beautiful."
She lifted Xelloss' body and prepared to leave.
"Wait." Xellas stopped to look down at Zelgadiss. "When you bring him back, tell him not to come looking for me. Yes....,I forgive him, but... but I still need to come to terms with it. I need time alone. Please. I'll contact you when I'm ready."
"I'll tell him." She then phased away.
Xelloss was getting worried. It had been months since he had been resurrected and he'd nothing from Zelgadiss. He was terrified that Zelgadiss hadn't forgiven him.
"Xelloss, I need you to come here." bellowed his master.
"Yes, master?"
"I've gotten a new mazuku, he will be taking your role as General. I need you to train him."
"Yes, master."
Suddenly, his master smiled and turned, "Ah, here he is."
Xelloss turned around and gaped. This had to be the most ugliest creature he'd ever seen.
"Master," he whispered, " where did you get this guy?"
"He was a human. I felt he could do the job."
Xelloss' eyes widened. "That was human." He took another look, then looked at his master. "Are you sure it was human?"
Xellas glared at Xelloss, who immediately decided it was best to take his master at her word.
"Come on," gesturing to the thing, "let's start you're training."
Xelloss couldn't believe it. That thing had to be not only the ugliest thing he'd ever seen, but the stupidest. He had never felt so tired in his life after trying to train this guy.
He drug himself into his room, putting down his staff and removing his cape. He then sat at the edge of his bed. Damn, he was tired. He fell back on his bed with a thump.
"ouch," came a muffled voice.
Xelloss jumped up in shock and spun around.
"Can't you be more careful, I'm not made out of stone anymore."
Xelloss stared in disbelief as a head with soft brown hair poked out from under the blanket to look at him.
"Long day?" Zelgadiss asked impishly.
A low growl start to rumble throughout the room. Zelgadiss sat there for a moment trying to pinpoint where the sound was coming from, until he was pounced by a delighted priest. Suddenly, his clothes were going everywhere.
"STOP!"
Xelloss made a flying leap backwards.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do anything wrong. Did I hurt you?" the priest stammered.
Zelgadiss smiled evilly and got up turning his now bare back to Xelloss. "You didn't ask?"
Xelloss blinked, stunned for moment, then smiled impishly, and asked, "Can I make long, passionate love to you?" finishing with a long flourishing bow.
Zel looked over his shoulder and smiled wickedly. "You have to try harder than that."
Xelloss suddenly put on his best puppy dog face, with big starry eyes and pouting lips and got on the bed on all fours, head down on the bed. "Please, can I have my way with you, please," blinking his eyes and slowly moving forward on all fours, till his cheek was up against the side of Zelgadiss' but cheek.
Xelloss sighed to himself. He was still so soft.
"Harder, Xelloss"
"But, I'm already," Xelloss pouted.
"Xelloss, you are a naughty boy."
Xelloss pulled himself in front of Zelgadiss so he was looking into his beautiful blue slitted eyes.
"Pleeeaaase"
Xellas chuckled to herself. Xelloss should have found her little gift to him. She hadn't been able to give Zelgadiss a more powerful role. It had already been taken, although from what Xelloss told her about her new general, that office might be vacant soon. But, at the time she could only make Zelgadiss a lower mazuku, specifically for Xelloss.
She smiled. Maybe she should check on them.
She calmly strode past Xelloss' room, turning up her good hearing. She smiled at what she heard. The grunt and moans of two lovers, oblivious to the world.
She heard a low chuckle, "Xelloss, you really are a pervert."
"What other kind of lover is there?"
A pause, "I don't know?"
Xellas smiled, pleased, until she felt the low rumble reverberate through the mazukun plane. She felt her smile widen. She knew what that was. She could hear the lovers pause in their room.
"Xelloss, what was that?"
"That was a piece of our master, Shabrinigdo, being reborn. Something all we Mazuku should be happy about." Xellas could hear him start to kiss Zelgadiss again.
"Are you sure," between kisses, "I have a bad feeling about it."
"My love, you are still used to being mortal, and that's your old mortal fear talking."
"Ooookaaaay, if you say so."
Xellas heard them go back to their lovemaking. However, she continued to think. Once a mortal became a mazuku, they lost all their fear of their ruby eyed lord. Why was Zelgadiss getting a bad feeling about it? She didn't feel anything, so it had to do specifically with Zelgadiss. And what effected Zelgadiss, effected Xelloss.
She sighed. She hoped Zelgadiss was wrong about his feeling. She then left leaving the lovers their privacy.