Gourry was lost. No, that wasn't just his mental state but also his physical condition. Gourry just plain didn't know where he was. All he knew was that Lina had told him that she, Zel, Amelia Xelloss and Naga would meet him on the beach. Gourry had nodded and they had parted ways.
So here he was, on the beach, with no Lina in sight. Gourry stood, thinking hard, wondering if this was the right beach. He looked around. Nope, no other beaches in sight. Hmm. Not for the first time, he pondered why Lina wanted to come here in the first place as it didn't seem like her kind of scene. But Gourry supposed that Lina could go wherever she wanted. Sure, he'd been a little surprised when he saw the sign reading "All beach-goers must remove all articles of clothing," but he'd decided that if Lina was down there on that beach, he'd have to be there too. So off went the trunks.
And now, here he stood, buck-naked and wondering where Lina could be.
Not far away...
"Where's Gourry?" Lina said, removing her really swell Ray-Bans. "He shoulda been here by now."
"Maybe he got lost?" Amelia ventured. Zelgadis nodded from his position under a big-ass sun umbrella.
"Knowing Gourry, he's probably stuck in the changeroom or something, trying to find a way out," Zel said with weary disdain.
Xelloss wagged the no-no finger at him. "Now, now, Zel-kun," he said. "Gourry may be a bit slow, but he's not THAT stupid. I'm sure he's stuck in something a tad more complex, like a revolving door."
"Where IS he?" Lina grumbled. Just then Naga came running up from the water, laughing her ear-bleeding cackle and bouncing and joggling spectacularly.
"I feel like I'm on an episode of Baywatch," Xelloss murmured. He was ignored by the general populous.
"Ahhhh!" Naga exclaimed. "That feels great! You should all try it!" She blinked and looked around as several young men in the background got nosebleeds from watching her bounce. "Isn't Gourry here yet?"
"Does it look like it?" Lina snapped, secretly wishing SHE was giving guys nosebleeds. After thinking for a second or two, Naga shook her head.
"Are you sure you told him to come to THIS beach?" Naga asked.
"Of COUSE I am! What other beaches are around here anyway?" Lina screeched as she strangled Naga.
"Well GACK! There is that urk nude beach up the road," Naga choked out.
Everyone fell silent. A pin dropped.
"NUDE BEACH?!" Xelloss yelled. His mouth hung open in utter horror and his eyes bulged out (which made Amelia cringe away from him a little). "You mean to tell me," the trickster continued. "There's a NUDE beach around here... and I wasn't informed?"
Zelgadis fell over. Lina jumped to her feet, but she didn't bounce and jiggle like Naga did. "Oh no! That idiot probably IS over there! C'mon, we have to go get him!"
A few minutes later...
"Wonderful. Gourry just HAD to pick the one nude beach in the world with military enforcement to get lost on," Zel muttered bitterly.
Soldiers patrolled the borders of the beach, ensuring no clothing was in sight. At least, they looked like soldiers: it was hard to tell with their uniforms missing.
"oh god," Lina muttered dismally.
Xelloss shrugged. "When in Rome..." he cheerfully declared and peeled his Speedo® off.
Amelia blinked.
"AHHHH!!!" Lina screamed. "You WEIRDO! Cover your shame!" Xelloss obligingly covered his genitalia with his hands. Lina promptly began to beat him over the head. (NOT the one he was covering, you pervert)
"What kind of sick and twisted freak ARE you?" Lina demanded to know in between punches.
"The naked kind?" Xelloss ventured. Lina smashed his face in in rebuttal.
"Lina?"
The red-headed sorceress stopped upon hearing her name and turned to behold Gourry emerging from a thin line of bushes. Nekkid.
"AHHHH!!!" Lina screamed. Amelia blinked. Naga cackled.
"How'd you find us?" Zel asked.
"I heard Lina shrieking so I ran over," Gourry explained with a smile. He walked over to Lina, who was now in shock, and gave her a friendly hug.
Amelia fell over.
"Glad I found you, Lina!" Gourry said, oblivious to Lina's catatonic state. "Can we go swimming now?"
Xelloss giggled. "Do the Hokey-Pokey!" he exclaimed. "You put your right hand in, you pull your right hand out..."
Gourry joined in and soon a crowd of naked beach-people and soldiers did too, and music started playing out of nowhere and beer appeared as if by magic.
Kill me," Zel muttered.