Xelloss sighed as he sat perched on the roof of one of the buildings in a busy marketplace, watching a tall blonde make her purchases. He had been watching Filia like this for three days now. After he had made his report to his Master, she had given him some vacation time. He needed it, too. He needed time to think about what had happened during the battle to save the world from "purification." He needed time to think about what Valgaav had said about the reason behind the fighting between the Demons and the Dragons. He needed time to think about... Filia.
Xelloss didn't know how he felt toward the Golden Dragon Maiden. At first, he had hated her as bitterly as she hated him. She was the only one who could annoy him, get him riled up. She called him "raw garbage." No one had ever called him "raw garbage" before! No one dared. He hated being called "Namagomi," especially when she was the one who called him that.
He admitted to himself that she had good reasons for despising him as she did. He did kill off most of her race, after all. But, that was a thousand years ago, before she was even born. He had been a young Mazoku at that time, testing his newly-given powers, his loyalty to his Master. It had never crossed his mind that, someday in the future, he would... not hate all of the Golden Dragons.
How did he feel toward Filia? He knew, for a fact, he didn't hate her anymore. Far from that. In fact, he almost lo....
Xelloss shook his head violently to clear that thought from his mind. Love, hah! Love was lost on him. He was a Mazoku. Mazoku couldn't love.
Could they?
It was then he remembered his former infatuation with the beautiful Lina Inverse. He had been fascinated by the power she could wield.
Mazoku are drawn to power as moths are to light. No matter how much the power burns, they crave it.
He had once craved Lina's power. He wanted to have her power all to himself. That, unfortunately, was contrary to L-sama's will. Her will ordered that that swordsman, Gourry, get Lina. Xelloss had no intention of going against L-sama's will. That would be suicide. Besides, Lina's power had been the real object of his infatuation, he realized. Not Lina herself.
Had his infatuation of Lina's power been love? Real love?
He highly doubted it.
But, all of his pondering had gotten him nowhere. He still didn't know how he felt about Filia.
He recalled saving her life during his battle against Valgaav. How she had helped him after he was injured. How she had... smiled... at him during the final Darkstar battle, after he had gently teased her. How... good... he felt remembering that smile. That had been one of the only times she had ever smiled at him. He found himself wishing she would smile at him, only him, more often.
What did that wishing mean? Did he want her to be kind to him?
He surprised himself by answering, "yes." He wanted Filia to be kind to him as she was to others. A kind word, a friendly act, a smile, anything! As long as it was directed at him, only him, from her.
The Trickster Priest quietly moaned. He was lonely. For the thousand or so years of his Mazoku existence, he had been utterly alone, save for his Master. But, his Master could hardly be counted as a companion. As a friend.
He wished for someone he could share some of his secrets with. Someone to talk to. Someone who cared, really cared, whether he lived or died. Someone he could drop his stupidly smiling facade around. Someone he could care for, maybe even -- dare he say it? -- love.
Someone who would truly love him in return.
And he wanted that someone to be... Filia.
But, she would never understand how he felt. He never dared tell her. She would really hate him then, reject him. No, better he keep his feelings buried deep inside, a secret from everyone.
Except himself.
He thought, maybe, watching Filia from afar would help ease the ferocity of these feelings he was experiencing for the first time in over a thousand years. On the contrary, seeing her every day just made him ache worse inside....
He longed to hold her, tell her everything he felt inside for her, never let her go. But, he couldn't. He was actually afraid. Afraid of... rejection on the part of his Golden Dragon.
His Golden Dragon.
Absently, he wondered if she was as lonely as he was.
He glanced at the street again. The sky was growing toward evening. Shops were starting to close up for the day. He watched as Filia made her way back to her mace and pottery shop that doubled as a home for herself, baby Val, the fox Jiras, and the creature Grabos. He bit his lip, almost painfully, as the ache inside his chest, where his heart used to be, increased in intensity. He couldn't stand not being near, really near, to her anymore. He had to find the courage to talk to her, that night.