Song is When You're Looking Like That by Westlife.
I changed some of the lines to the song, so that it would suit the fic a little better. This fic is from Gourry's viewpoint. Hehe, I bet everyone didn't think I could write one on him, huh?
She's a 4 foot 10 in catsuit
and bambi eyes
Everybody who's staring wouldn't
believe that this girl was mine
I'm walking you down the aisle, the girl of my dreams (okay, not exactly at first), the girl I love with all my heart and soul. I've watched over you for nearly a decade, and you've always been at my side. You're at my side now, your hand on my arm, heartbreakingly beautiful in your snowy wedding dress, your joy radiant on your face. Everyone watches us as we slowly inch up the rose-petal-dusted red carpet leading up to the altar. I never dreamed that this would happen, and yet, now it is.
My smile is proud, filled with gentle happiness for this day. It reveals nothing of the heart that is breaking inside my chest. I've always known I'm not that smart to begin with, but what I'm doing now is the stupidest thing I've ever done.
My name is Gourry Gabriev, and the vision who walks next to me is Lina Inverse, Sorceress Supreme. I'm her guardian, her protector...the man who loves her.
I'm also the guy who's giving her away on her wedding day.
I should have known I was wrong
When I left her for a life in pity
But they say you never miss
the water until it's gone
I know your thoughts aren't on me or on this day at all. They're all focused on the man dressed in white at the end of the aisle, the man who's waiting for you, the man -- lucky bastard -- who you love. I was so stupid to treat you the way I did, never really thinking that what I say about your figure hurt you, that you ever felt insecure about your shortcomings. It was dumb of me to focus on what you didn't have, instead of seeing what a treasure you really were. I was too content and I never thought anything of it when you and he would walk off in the night, stargazing and talking till dawn. Did you two do more than that? Did he hold you, did you hold him, did you whisper tender words of love to each other, kiss each other...did your shadow and his become one in the night?
Maybe you did. Maybe you didn't. I'll never know now. I only know that I was too late...
Guess I failed to love you
And you're taking it out tonight
His eyes are on you, and no one else. I can see the love in his gaze, and I cannot even hate him for it. He loves you so much, at least as much as I do... and he deserves your love. He never treated you the way I did. He treated you the way you deserved to be treated and more. No matter how much it hurts to admit it, you have every reason to be in love with him, more reason than you should be in love with me.
I turn to you and kiss your forehead. I want to kiss you elsewhere and show you my feelings, to let you know my heart, but I just can't destroy this day for you. I love you, and I love you enough to let you go. I know I've lost you, I admit it...I just don't have to like it.
You touch my cheek, eyes filled with tenderness, and almost, my resolve breaks. Your lips form your heartfelt thanks for my taking care of you for so long, and you whisper that you love me. Even I know that you don't love me the way I wish you did, the way I don't deserve to be, and I feel both hurt and happy that you do.
I place your hand, so tiny, so fragile, so strong, in his much larger one. He and I lock gazes, and in his eyes is a promise that he will protect you as well as I did. I know he can do much better than I. I nod in approval and he nods too, before he turns his attention back to you. He's forgotten about me already, and I can't blame him.
As I walk over to my spot in the front row of pews, to our friends, I hope that you don't forget me.
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that
I can't believe what I just gave away
Now I can't take it back
I don't wanna get lost
I don't wanna live my life without you
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that
I slap my happy face on and swear an oath to myself to keep it there all day. It's killing me inside, watching you together. It rips me apart to hear the priestess say "Do you..." and hearing you say your "I do." It should be you and me saying that! It should be you and me promising to be there for each other for the rest of our lives.
The priestess asks for the rings and Val trots up to at Filia's coaching. With a grin that shows off his little fangs, he tries to eat the rings, and there's a scramble to stop him. He starts crying, of course, he wants his 'rock candy' and Sylphiel, who's your bridesmaid, gets a lollypop from her pocket and gives it to Filia's cute little kid. Everyone laughs at what just happened, and after a few moments the wedding goes on.
That should have been a memory for us to share! It should be me slipping the ring onto your finger! It should be me removing your veil...
But it isn't. I'm not the one whose kiss you gladly accept. I'm not the one who's holding you in his arms, not the one you're hugging back.
Amelia's crying next to me. Her fiancé's drying her tears and teasing her about when they get married. I wipe away a few of my own tears, but I'm not crying for the same reason she is. Zelgadiss, standing as best man, can't suppress a wide grin of his own. He makes a comment to the couple, and Lina makes a face at him.
She's all dressed up for glamour and
rock and roll
Wanna squeeze her real tight
Get out of this place
If only I could take control
The reception banquet is the largest I've seen. I heard that the restaurant where Lina's sister works took care of the catering. The food is some of the best tasting I've ever eaten, but I don't feel hungry. I eat anyway, so nobody will think there's something wrong with me. I realize it's because I don't have Lina to fight with over the food that eating just doesn't seem as fun as it used to be.
Zelgadiss leans over to me. "Lina looks so happy. I have to admit I was a bit surprised when I got the invitation to this wedding. Who would have thought, huh?"
I just nod, grin and say what's expected of me. "Yeah, who would have thought that the Dra-matta would have snagged herself a Dragon Lord like Milgazia?"
Amelia bobs her head up and down in agreement. "Yeah. I never thought that they had a thing going...but then, you couldn't have told from the way Milgazia looks all the time..."
Xelloss, who is there even though the groom and he don't get along, laughs. "Be glad you haven't seen him joke!"
Memphis, Milgazia's niece, scolds him. "Hey, let's not tease Milgazia-ojisama today! It's his wedding day!"
Filia, who's feeding Val some vegetables to go with his steak, nods agreement. "Even a namagomi like you should have some respect for this day!"
Xelloss retorts, as he always does. "Oh, I respect this day, and Lina and Milgazia too. It's you I don't respect."
Sylphiel hurries to stop them from fighting, and I sigh to myself. Nothing has changed, and yet everything has.
Someone opens up the paper globe hanging above the table, and two white doves fly out together, swooping around the room and landing in the chandeliers high above. It causes enough hubbub to make Filia and Xelloss stop fighting.
But she's out of my reach forever
And just a week ago she lied
next to me
It's so ironic how I had to lose
Just to see
That I failed to love you
And you're taking it out tonight
You're dancing now, you and Milgazia. It's like you two shut out the world and the rest of us don't exist. I guess we don't, right now anyway. You two look happy, and I don't remember seeing Milgazia smile as much as he has been today. He has plenty of reasons to smile. He's got you, and he looks like he has the world in the palm of his hand. I know he's got my world, and mine just fell apart.
What happened? Wasn't it just last week that we were hunting Mazoku? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were hunting down bandits and you were blasting them with your fireballs, and Memphy and Milgazia were travelling with us so Memphy could learn better control... It can't have been two months! It doesn't feel that way! It can't have been so long since we last lay around the campfire, me sleeping next to you, Memphy sprawled on the other side of camp and Milgazia sleeping against a tree, so Memphy wouldn't kick him in his sleep...
Then again, did you and he ever sleep at all? How could I have missed the signs? What clue didn't I see that he was able to steal you away from under my nose? I guess I never had you at all. Maybe I did, but I don't have a chance to undo my mistake any more. You're married, and you'll spend the rest of your life with him.
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that
I can't believe what I just gave away
Now I can't take it back
I don't wanna get lost
I don't wanna live my life without you
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that
It's my turn to dance with you, and it's a dance I'll always remember. Milgazia barely gets the chance to put your hand back in mine when Luna yanks him off to dance with her, dragging him along to the laughter of the people around us. I don't hear them, because for a little while, I can pretend that this is a dream and when I wake up we'll be back on the road. I can pretend that when I open my eyes you'll be back in your yellow shirt and red pants and your black cloak, not this wedding gown that the elves wove especially for you, not wearing white silk gloves but your old blue leather ones.
You're smiling up at me, laughing and saying that Luna might just spin Mil dizzy. 'Mil'. Not Milgazia-san, the way you used to call him when we went to fight Dynast. I missed that, your making his name shorter. I guess I didn't think anything of it. I tell you that Milgazia's tougher than that, he's a golden dragon after all. You look over to where Luna's leading him into a rondo. I see your gaze soften, your eyes dance with laughter as Milgazia gets robbed of his dignity as he tries to skip along in time to the music. Everyone's laughing and you're laughing with them.
"Yeah..."
"You look so happy, Lina." I mean it. I've never seen you happier. You smile up at me, and I know that if you could, you'd shout it to the world.
"I am...it's like a dream... I never thought I'd find someone to love me, and I never thought it would be Milgazia." You shake your head and smile as you remember something. "We just grew so close...so comfortable. For once, I could talk to someone, and someone wasn't afraid of me, or put off by my reputation or power. It's from him I found out that I was changed ...by the power I've been wielding, and when I found that out, I knew I could never be with a normal human guy ever again."
"What do you mean, Lina?" I spin you around, starting the dance all over again. "What do you mean...changed?" You hesitate, as though you told me a secret that you didn't mean to reveal to anyone, but you continue after a moment, your expression serious. "I told him the story...about how I summoned the Lord of Nightmares into my body when we fought Phibrizo. He thought it might have had some kind of effect on me and I let him run a few tests on me."
I feel a cold hand grip my heart and I glance over to where Luna's twirling around the dance floor with Milgazia, almost bumping into Xelloss and Sylphiel. "What kind of tests?"
"Magic tests, Gourry. Mages live longer than most humans because of the power they wield. The stronger the wizard, the longer they live, because of the power their bodies hold." A slightly bittersweet expression crosses your face. "I found out that if I'm not immortal...I'll live a very, very, very long time. I'll outlive everyone I know now...maybe even my sister. That's why..."
I just nod, I'm too shocked to speak. Immortal? Lina? Never aging, never dying? I look down, when I realize that you're still talking to me.
"...he promised that I would always have a friend, all throughout time." You smile, happy again. "I guess it's a good thing we fell in love with each other. We were both so alone, even with other people around that I guess we just understood each other better." You stop and look up at me, a rueful expression on your face. "I guess I won't have to ask you to keep this a secret for a while... you're going to forget anyway, aren't you, even if you understood half of what I said."
I smile my goofiest smile at you. "Oh, I understand...haha... So you're going to live forever. Aren't you lucky?" It hurts, it hurts so much... but...
"Huh? What do you mean, Gourry?" You look confused.
"Well... you've always been special, Lina. You've always been someone who's more than just ordinary people. Now you're going to live forever, with the man -- er, I mean, Dragon you love, and the best part is, Milagazia loves you back! The best part is, you're both going to keep each other company all the time, so you'll never get bored." I grin and wink at you, and I say it, though it tastes like someone fed me a whole fireplace full of ashes. "I guess you two were made for each other."
You blink and I watch as that sinks in. Your smile grows happy again. "Yeah... you're right, Gourry... Maybe you're right." Then you laugh up at me. "It's Milgazia, not Milagazia!"
I laugh with you. "Whoops."
Suddenly you hug me and pull me down for a kiss on the cheek. "I'm glad to know that some things won't ever change...and you're one of them, Gourry." You hug me tight around the neck, and I don't want to let you go. "I hope...no, I know you'll be happy someday, as happy as I am with Mil."
"You think so?" I say as you let me go. I have to let you go too.
"I know so!" You wink at me and it's Zel's turn to dance with you.
I don't wanna forget you
I don't even wanna try
How am I supposed to walk on by
When you're looking like that
I walk off the dance floor, knowing that I never had a chance in the first place. I told the truth when I said you and Milgazia were made for each other. Having a mortal husband would only hurt you in the end, and I don't want that.
I watch as Milgazia takes Memphis out to dance, and Xelloss gets Luna. They spin by me, and I watch you and Zel on the other side of the hall. It's funny, since he was the one I watched out for. Him and Xelloss. They're smarter than I am, know more than I do, so I thought they were the ones who were the most threat to me and you.
Boy, was I wrong.
How am I supposed to leave you
I can't believe what I just gave away
'Cause I can't take it back, I'm lost
I don't wanna live my life without you
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that
"Well now, Gourry-san...doesn't Lina look glowingly happy on her wedding day?"
I jump. Standing behind me is Xelloss, dressed in his purplish-black tuxedo, holding a wine glass filled with the finest Zefirian wine. Most of his hair has been tied back for the evening, part of it framing his face. A rose as red as blood adorns his lapel, and he stands there looking like a lord in his finery.
I smile, the smile that the world expects me to wear. "I've never seen her happier, you know."
"Neither have I, though I'll never understand what it is she saw in that old lizard. He's dour, he's got no sense of humor, he frowns all the time... ah well... sour grapes, right, Gourry-kun?" Xelloss eyes me, his eyes open and his smiling lips touching the rim of the wine glass. A chill creeps through me as his smile widens. "Your pain and sorrow have provided me with a wonderful feast, and I have to thank you for it, Gourry."
"Why you..." I'd deck him if I could. Hitting him would be useless, and he'd probably like it too...
"I'll have to say... it's rather admirable of you to keep your cool and wear your mask to ensure that the woman you love has a lovely wedding day. Don't see too many fools like yourself, acting all noble and suffering in silence so everyone else can have a good time." Xelloss sips the wine and looks at me seriously. "You must love her very much."
"What would you know about love, Mazoku?" I can't help but growl at him, for making fun of my pain. "
You just feed on the pain of others, just like you're doing to me."
"I know everything about love, Gourry, more than you know. Like you, I'd do anything for the one I love more than anyone else in the world. Just because I am Mazoku doesn't mean I don't have emotions, after all. Mazoku admire power, respect and love it." I follow his eyes to where Milgazia and Lina are dancing the last dance of the night. "You love her enough to give her away. I love her enough that I didn't kill him ...and not once disrupt this wedding, whose consequences might be dire for us Mazoku." He looks at my surprised expression with disgust. "Don't you think I know what those two will be up to for certain tonight? I'm sure of the results too. Oh, you mean you didn't think about that? I knew you were stupid, but not naïve..." Shaking his head, he goes away, leaving me alone again.
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that
I can't believe what I just gave away
Now I can't take it back
I don't wanna get lost
I don't wanna live my life without you
How am I supposed to leave you now
When you're looking like that
I watch them, hearing applause as their dance ends. I guess I had forgotten about their having kids...and what they'd have to do if they were going to have them. I felt jealous... but I remind myself that I didn't deserve her, never deserved her, and that he did.
That doesn't stop me from wanting her, from wishing nonstop that things had been different. I didn't care that Xelloss was feeding off me –let him get his fill. I hope he gets indigestion.
Lina laughs and throws her bouquet into the air. I heard the cheers and shouts of the girls who tried to catch it. I didn't watch to see who got it, but I do watch Lina clap her hands in delight and turn to Milgazia, laughing and talking. He laughs and calls for a chair. Lina sits in it and he raises the skirts of her gown to show us her pale, milky white legs... I swallow my anger and jealousy, and stop myself from rushing out there and hitting him. He was her husband now, and this was part of tradition! How many times did I pull up her skirts to make sure it was her? I remembered the other time she wore a wedding dress, for Hallas Raizu. I couldn't believe it was her, nor could I believe that she looked that good.
She looked even better now... blushing slightly as Milgazia pulls off her frilly blue garter and with a laugh, pulls on it and lets it go, sending it flying into the air. Lina yelps and swats him with her hand, and he laughs again, catching her hands and kissing them. That stops her and she hugs him again.
Something lands on my head -- I guess it was a feather from one of the doves they let go, and reach up to get it. It's soft and silky in my hand.
Sylphiel comes up to me, holding the bride's bouquet, looking happily at me. I congratulate her and smile. She shyly points at my hand, and I see I'm holding Lina's garter...
Someone puts a chair down for her to sit on, and she shows me her legs. They're longer than Lina's, a little paler, I suppose... I slip the garter on Sylphiel's thigh and notice she's using the lavender perfume Lina got for her a few years back. I get up, help her up and look for Milgazia and Lina, but they've disappeared already, using the distraction with the garter to escape to their nuptial chambers. Sighing, I turn back to Sylphiel and bow like I'm supposed to, and ask her to dance with me. She takes my hand and I lead her out. Other couples also dance with us on the dance floor. We start to dance and I sigh, looking up at Sylphiel's bright green eyes. She blushes and smiles at me. I smile back, but my heart's not really in it. I argue with myself and tell myself that Sylphiel deserves at least a good dance and make myself forget, even for a little while, just for her sake.
I guess I just don't know a good thing when I see it.
Gourry/Lina pair lovers, don't kill me. I'm fairly sure that everyone knows I don't like canon couples, but you do, so let's leave it at that. I don't bother you about your biases, don't bother me about mine.