She sleeps at last.
I put down the book of stories I was reading to her, and gaze upon her little moon face, feeling my throat tighten with that odd mix of joy and pain I feel.
She has your lips, a tiny little rosy bow, parted to form a tiny 'o'. Wispy bangs half-hide her eyes, her eyelashes touching her cheeks. A small fist lies near her head, half-curled, flexing open and closed once, twice, then going slack as she sinks deeper into her dream.
Carefully, carefully, so not to wake her, I bend and kiss her brow, touch the tiny button nose and smile, tears in my eyes.
She is so beautiful, our baby girl.
I draw the over-quilt over her little body, a thick, luxurious fur blanket that the Beastmaster herself sent from Wolf Pack Island. It is a rare shade, almost periwinkle, and I wonder yet again what creature previously owned it. I am grateful to her and Xelloss -- the nights in the Valley of Dragons could be chill, and the blanket kept my greatest treasure warm.
I move to leave, but I cannot, lingering and gently touching the back of my hand to her cheek. Her skin is like yours, my beloved... soft, and like a rose petal.
I walk out of her room, lighting Amelia's little glowlamp with a nod and dousing the room's glowfires with another gesture. I cannot help but pause and peek at the tousled head of red-gold wisps peeping out from under the thick fur.
You would chuckle at me, my dearest one, for my actions. Perhaps you would not, if you were here.
I shake my head. No, dearest Lina... I know you are with me, in spirit, and that you accompany me with each nightly ritual as we put our daughter to sleep.
I feel my heart clench and I close the door. Time has not dulled the pain of grief, and I know it makes me hollow inside, but I cannot help but mourn you still. I miss you... can you blame me for that? You were a part of me, the missing half of my soul that completed me. You showed me how to live again, not merely exist...
Now I must learn how to go on living without you.
Can I do it? Have I the strength?
I place my hand on the door, tracing the crude, but heartfelt carved wooden sign little Val made for Maiya on her third birthday. I trace the name, with it's crooked, uneven lettering, with a caricature that was meant to be a daisy adorning the corner, painstakingly chipped and painted with white and yellow.
I know I can. All the strength I need sleeps inside this room. She is the strength of our love...all the reason for me to wake up each morning, to see her smile at me... the smile you used to gift me with every day.
I softly make my way down the corridor, and am not surprised to find a light still burning in the study. The habit of three years makes me peek in. As always, I find Zelgadiss inside.
Usually, he keeps me company while I sit awake at night, on the nights where I cannot sleep, but this time, he too has sunk into slumber, his head pillowed in his arms and on the book of ancient sorcery he was reading. I cannot resist chuckling, because the secret to his insomnia -- a giant pot of coffee with possibly poisonous levels of caffeine -- sits ignored and cold on the side table. Zelgadiss must have been asleep a while, his soft snoring reaching my ears though they are muffled by his arm. I enter the room, walk up to him end bend down. Zelgadiss has been one of the people who I've come to rely on. I can see why you trusted him so much.
Scooping him up in my arms, I easily carry the sleeping Chimera out of the study. He's much heavier than you used to be, my dearest one. You were so light, and fleet of foot, filled with unconscious grace. Though our daughter is still a child, she seems to be developing as much as you did. She has your laugh, especially when she runs through the fields near our home, chasing after the chicken she adopted as her pet. I smile at the memory and Zelgadiss learned never to bring something live back home for dinner.
As I step out into the common room, Memphis comes out of her room, obviously newly awakened. Seeing Zel in my arms, she scowls darkly, and I foresee a long-winded lecture for Zelgadiss. I touch my finger to my lips to keep her silent, and she only rolls her eyes at me.
Throwing her hands up into the air in disgust and muttering in Elven about the stone-headedness of males and one male in particular, she accompanies me down the hall to Zelgadiss' room, opening the door for me. Xelloss' room is across from his, but it is unoccupied at the moment. I wonder where my enemy and friend is briefly, and wonder if I'll have to argue with him at whatever present he decides to bring back for Maiya. I know that the Beastmaster wants our child to have an affinity for animals, but I think a baby wyvern is a bit too much, don't you, Lina?
Memphis holds the blankets out of the way as I lay Zel down on the bed. I pull off his shoes and my niece in all but blood tucks him in. I don't miss the softening of her eyes and the gentle smile that curves her lips. I wonder if Zelgadiss knows what she feels. I doubt it, for Memphy is discreet with these particular feelings and mothers us... or shall I say bullies us all with equal ferocity. I know she will tell him in time, for Memphis is not one to hold back when she doesn't have to.
I remember our love, the dizzying joy of my courtship to you, dearest one. We were so happy, and I could not believe that such bliss could exist on the mortal plane... but it did, and was embodied in you and the love you surprisingly bore me in return. I never dreamed you could love me, but love me you did, and I love you still. The memory hasn't faded, and a dragon's memory is eternal.
We thought it would last forever...
Turning my face away as I tuck Zelgadiss' shoes under his bed to hide the glimmer of tears once more, I hear Memphis mutter "Silly, block-headed Chimera," half in affection, half in frustration. I rise from my knees, composed once again, and reach out to grasp her wrist. Mock-sternly, I herd her out of the room and firmly close the door. She looks up at me and protests. "I wasn't going to wake him and lecture him, Uncle!"
I raise my eyebrow at her skeptically then silently touch my finger to my lips again. She starts to fume and opens her mouth to yelp when I brush past her, fleeing down the corridor before she sees the smirk that decorates my face. I grin as I hear her growl a very pissed-off "Oji-sa-ma...!!!" and imagine smoke coming out of her pointy Elven ears.
Teasing her is so much fun.
Naturally, she vents by lecturing me instead, once we've returned to the common room. "Milgazia-Ojisama! You should be in bed already! Why are you up so late? You know Maiya wakes up at sunrise and you promised to take her down to the lake tomorrow and-"
"And that is why I am headed off to bed, dear niece." I interrupt. I watch her open and close her mouth like a landed fish and reach out to ruffle her long blonde hair. "You should go back to sleep as well. You also promised to make a berry pie for her to take along, didn't you? Heed your own advice, Memphy." I see her golden eyes flash with annoyance, and head toward our bedroom. I don't need to turn to see her go back to her own rooms, and hear the slam of the door a moment later.
I wonder why she's so annoyed. I only told her the truth, didn't I, Lina?
I slip out of my day clothes and don my sleeping robe and gaze at the empty bed. I don't feel like sleeping, but I should, so I lie down, curling up in your side of the bed as I've always done. Just as I pull the blankets over me, I hear the door open.
"Daddy?"
I sit up. Maiya stands there, tiny and yawning, Xeri her stuffed toy wolf cub in her arm.
"Can I sleep here tonight?" she asks plaintively, rubbing at her eyes.
"Of course you can, little one." I scoot over and hold out the blanket for her to slip under. She closes the door and toddles over and climbs into the bed. She burrows into your pillow and reaches out to grasp my thumb, hugging Xeri close to her chest. I tuck the blankets around her neck and lie down next to our daughter, dismissing the glowfire lighting our room.
I watch her as she slowly closes her large ruby eyes, and smile.
She has your eyes, my precious Lina.
With a father's contented smile, I wrap her up in my arms and tuck her head against my shoulder, as I used to hold you. Her drowsy whisper of "Daddy," is the last thing I hear before I too, sleep.
Goodnight, my love. Be with me in my dreams...and hers.