How can I love you so? I am no stranger to love, and though my heart be scarred, I know its gentle caress when it flits through my soul. I need to see you happy, to see you smile and glow, all the better if it is my presence that has caused such joy.
Yet it is I who smile when I am in your presence. It is my spirit that is uplifted by your words. Songs of love in a thousand tongues I understand when I think of you, and even I can see the beauty you shape into me without knowing.
The very memory of what you have told me makes me long for memories. I seek you, and my day is incomplete without seeing you at least once.
There too, is the fear that you do not feel the same way as I do, that I mistake friendship for something else, that deeper emotion that I long for. But there are times you act and speak that make me wonder, and I question myself: Was there some hidden meaning to what you just said?
Double-entendre goes a long way.
Sometimes I feel that I could just run and run, toward you, toward the sunset, with sheer emotion driving me. With the biggest of smiles on my face I can dance, and would leap with joy if I found out that you returned my feelings.
How can you, if you don't know how I felt? I am afraid of making a fool of myself. I want to say, speak, reveal my heart. But I cannot. I am afraid.
The very thing that keeps me from loving are my own words. I cannot tell you what it is I feel. I don't know if I have the words. My eloquence is gone, stolen in a fit of madness, and you are the cause of this.
How can you not be the cause? In you, I see many traits that I admire, and desire in a lover. But you are my friend. A very good friend. A very close friend. But I am just your friend, and for now, it is no more, no less.
Already you know me better than even the few friends I have had. How could I have opened myself up to you like this? Wasn't I determined to stand alone, to defy the weakness I see others fall to? And yet I fall, and still fall. I fear the impact when I finally hit rock bottom.
I could save myself. I could end it, but I find myself unwilling to set myself free! Subtly you have bound me with chains made of silk and gold and dewdrops, and I, somewhere along the line, snapped the collar 'round my own neck.
When did this happen? When did I lose control? How can I have lost myself in the depths of your eyes, be entranced by the charm of your smiling image? Why do my fingers itch to touch your hair, to caress your cheek, to find out exactly how your skin does feel? I find excuses aplenty just to be next to you, to be with you, to simply bask in the aura you project.
When did you become my sun, around which my day revolves? When did you become my moon, which invades my dreams while I sleep? When did you become the star that inspires me to greater heights, in the hopes of reaching you, touching the very sky where you stand?
I rise to greatest hopes, and fall to deepest despair as I fluctuate in desire. I wish for my torment to end! At the same time, I long for it to go on forever, this sweet agony searing through my veins, sparking my nerves to a sensitivity I never knew I had. The very thought of your touch makes me aware...aware of the faintest breath of air upon my skin, the furthest song of the most distant sparrow, the most subtle of colors from the dwindling dawn.
Your voice saying my name is the sweetest melody ever composed.
I sit and gaze out to the sky, watching the storm clouds as they gather, heavy with their load of rain.
When they burst, as my heart will surely burst someday, I will stand under their fervent outpouring in the hopes that they will aid me in soothing the burns of the fires of passion you have stoked in me.
It is a slight respite. I know you will rekindle the flames when I see you next.
I welcome it and you. I shall find my center once more...and find you there in the calm within the storm of my soul.
Who is this, you ask me? Send me an email with your guess. Lina? Milgazia? Xelloss? Zelgadiss? Sylphiel? Written in time to the opening theme from Slam Dunk Kimi ga suki da to Sakebitai. The line I wrote about love songs is actually something that rings true in this case. ^.^;