"Get the hell away from me you fucking fruitcake!" Zelgadiss growled, driving his fist into Xellos' face, even though he knew the mazoku enjoyed it. He couldn't help it though, Xellos made his skin crawl, every time the mazoku came near him, he felt like moving away.
The dreams weren't helping things much either.
"Now, now, Zelgadiss-san, don't hit me unless you mean it." Xellos said in a teasing tone, Zelgadiss shuddered.
"Why the hell are you hanging around with me anyway?" he responded in disgust, "Go bug the others."
"But I like being with you Zelgadiss-san. I'd like to BE with you even more."
Flare Arrow
"Temper, temper, Zelgadiss-san." Xellos scolded after dodging the spell. "You shouldn't waste your energy, there are many far better uses for it."
Clenching his teeth, Zelgadiss turned his back on the smiling mazoku and began walking away. Not for the first time, he regretted ever choosing to leave the others and travel on his own for a while. The entire point of that decision had been to get away from Xellos, he should have known that the effort would be futile.
"Beautiful day isn't it Zelgadiss-san? The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it's spring. Getting any ideas?"
Zelgadiss continued to ignore him. The jokes had actually gotten worse once they had left the others behind. Xellos had stopped trying to disguise his intentions as anything but sexual. This had been one of the most exhausting trips of Zelgadiss' life, and they had only been traveling for four days.
"Why so quiet Zelgadiss-san?"
A deep sigh as Zelgadiss continued to walk.
"Deep in thought?" the mazoku continued unperturbed. "About anyone we know? Is it about me? Something dirty I hope."
"Go away!"
"Aw, Zelgadiss-san, if you keep saying things like that I'm going to start thinking that you don't like me."
"I don't like you! I hate you! I want you to go away and leave me alone, don't come back!"
"You're cute when you're angry you know."
"Shut up." he hissed at him darkly and began walking away again. To his surprise, the mazoku actually listened to him, in part, falling into step and satisfying himself by humming brightly.
The relative silence didn't solve Zelgadiss' problem, but it did help him to calm down. His rage began to subside a little, leaving him wondering yet again why Xellos was able to make him so angry, so quickly. He knew he wouldn't be able to get rid of the mazoku, the next best thing was finding some way of dealing with him.
"Cheer up Zelgadiss-san." Xellos cried out suddenly, throwing his arms around the chimera.
A sudden, intense shudder ran through Zelgadiss' body and he shoved Xellos roughly away. "Don't touch me." he growled, rage and panic racing through him.
Xellos landed roughly on the ground, his staff flying from his hand, and he looked at Zelgadiss with shock.
"Don't touch me." he repeated, trying to control the violent shaking of his body. When that failed, he turned and began walking away again.
Xellos sat on the ground, watching the chimera's retreating back, and wondered what the hell had just happened. He was used to Zelgadiss hitting him, of course. He enjoyed it when he managed to provoke a reaction, any reaction, from him. Of course, getting the chimera to hit him had grown increasingly easier once they had begun traveling alone.
This reaction had been different however. Zelgadiss had been scared. Beyond scared, terrified.
As a mazoku, Xellos could feel certain emotions in those around him. Normally he could feed on them as well, but Zelgadiss was one of those rare people who were different. The chimera's fear and rage brought Xellos no sustenance, his pain gave the mazoku no pleasure. It was probably what had first drawn Xellos' attention to him.
Now he was presented with the puzzle of the chimera's intense fright. Surely he had seen Xellos perform deeds far more deserving of that reaction than an overly enthusiastic hug. And yet, he had watched those with only a flicker of concern, so why would he freak now?
Xellos stood up carefully, retrieved his staff and caught up to Zelgadiss, though he maintained a discreet distance this time. Nothing had changed, the chimera was still shaking and panic seemed to roll off him in waves. Xellos was actually concerned now, this wasn't normal behaviour, not for anyone, and certainly not for Zelgadiss.
When Zelgadiss stopped by a river to get a drink of water, Xellos approached him cautiously. "Zelgadiss-san? Are you all right?"
Zelgadiss started, spinning around to glare at him, "I'm fine, go away."
"You're not fine." Xellos pressed, "You're terrified."
"Enjoying it are you?"
Xellos considered his answer and then shrugged, if he wanted to get the chimera talking, the truth was probably his best bet, "No, actually, I'm not." he answered, sitting cross-legged a foot above the ground.
"What?"
"I can't feed off your feelings."
"What?"
"Such an extensive vocabulary. It happens sometimes."
"Oh." He looked confused.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Look," Xellos said, feeling somewhat exasperating, this was almost more trouble than it was worth. "I'm sure you'd much rather tell one of the others, but they're not here and I am. You might as well get it off your chest since it's that bad. Maybe it will help." He expected the chimera to growl at him again, but instead Zelgadiss hung his head and whispered,
"I don't know."
"I beg your pardon?"
"I'm terrified, I can't stop shaking, and I don't have a clue why."
Xellos frowned, this was not the answer he expected, he had no idea what to do.
After a few moments he noticed a rabbit hopping into the clearing, "Look Zelgadiss-san," he said cheerfully, setting his staff aside and scooting forward, "Dinner." He chased after the rabbit, never quite catching it, and making deliberate blunders. After a while, he let it escape and then turned to find Zelgadiss chuckling, his mood much more relaxed, and he was no longer trembling.
"So much for dinner," the chimera said wryly.
"Technically that's not my problem," Xellos said, walking over to pick up his staff, "You're the only one who needs to eat, remember."
Without a word, Zelgadiss held up a bag containing food provisions for about a week.
"Well you could have told me that," Xellos pouted, watching as Zelgadiss almost smiled. That was nice, he could play the fool forever if it would keep Zelgadiss happy, but he had a feeling this mood was only temporary. He hoped they would be able to find out what had bothered him so badly, and soon.
It was the same dream he'd been having for months, only he didn't wake up as soon this time.
He was lying on his back on an inn bed, looking up at Xellos, who was lying beside him, looking down with a smile. It wasn't his normal teasing smile, but a tender one, his eyes were open and shining with love.
In the dream, Zelgadiss didn't hate him. In fact, he thought he might just love him, that was why they were lying there together.
Xellos leaned down, moving closer as he kissed Zelgadiss, arms sliding on either side as he pressed his body down against the chimera's. Zelgadiss could feel his heart pounding as he closed his eyes against the pleasant kiss, he wanted this very much.
And then, everything changed. The weight on top of him became heavier, almost as if it were a deliberate attempt to crush him into the bed. His wrists were grabbed and forced behind him, his circulation being cut off by an iron grip. The kiss, so gentle before became harsh, bruising his lips before they were bitten.
He opened his eyes, but the room was completely dark, he couldn't see his partner at all. He tried desperately to ask why he was doing this, but the words were choked off by terror. The figure above him growled and pulled at his pants, ripping the fabric and leaving him bare below the waist.
This was normally where he woke up, when a rough hand closed painfully around his penis. Tonight, however, he felt the harsh tug, felt his skin tear under the pressure, and he was finally able to find his voice,
"Stop, please, you're hurting me!"
The voice that responded was not the taunting tones of the mazoku as he had expected. Instead, it was a rough, growling voice he had long since forgotten, "Are you begging me boy?"
"No," he said in a horrified whisper.
"Zelgadiss-san?"
"No."
"Beggin'll do ya no good boy."
"Zelgadiss-san."
"Besides, you have to get used to it."
"No, please, no."
"Zelgadiss-san!"
Zelgadiss sat up suddenly, his breath coming in gasps, not really sure where he was, his body shaking.
"Zelgadiss-san, are you all right?"
He turned to find Xellos beside him, eyes open and filled with concern. Still not thinking clearly, he threw his arms around the mazoku and held on tight, trying to calm down. "I thought it was you," he said, feeling Xellos' arms close around him, "All this time I thought, but it wasn't, it wasn't."
"It's all right Zelgadiss-san," Xellos said, his voice soothing, "It was a dream, it's all right now."
Zelgadiss rested his head against Xellos' chest, closing his eyes as he began to calm down. After a few moments, he realized what he was doing and pulled back in shock.
"I- I'm sorry." he stammered, but Xellos merely smiled at him seductively.
"No need to apologize Zelgadiss-san, you can hug me anytime you want."
Zelgadiss could feel himself blushing, even as he growled at the laughing mazoku's retreating back. What the hell had he been doing anyway? Hugging Xellos? It was because of the dream, the start of it as much as the end. The look in Xellos' eyes before they kissed, how good it felt, and how much he had cared. But it was all just a dream, wasn't it? He hated Xellos, didn't he?
He had to admit that the mazoku had been good company for that evening. After Zelgadiss had freaked out, Xellos had gone out of his way to make him calm down. He had actually found himself enjoying the mazoku's company. Shit he was confused.
"Do you need to talk about it Zelgadiss-san?"
"What?"
Xellos sighed, "Couldn't you find another way to ask that, you're so predictable sometimes." Zelgadiss glared at him and he shrugged, "Anyway, you seem very serious, and you were frightened, do you want to talk about it?"
"Why do you care?" he snapped, feeling uncomfortable with the question. He didn't really expect to get an answer, he was wrong.
"Because I do. Is that so hard for you to accept?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"All you've done since I've met you is torment me and stand in the way of my finding a cure."
"Excuse me, but I helped you all get right to the Claire Bible itself, it's not my fault that there were more important matters to figure out once we got there."
"And tormenting me?"
"It's how I show my affection of course." he replied with a smile. Zelgadiss frowned, he didn't buy any of this for a second. Well... maybe just for a second. He might as well tell him some of it, maybe it actually would help.
"There's not much to tell," he said, picking up a stick and poking it into the fire. "The dream starts, I'm fine, then it changes and I'm being hurt, that's it. I've been having it for a while now."
"And you thought it was me hurting you?"
"It always seemed like it."
"And now?"
"It wasn't."
"Who was it?"
...are you begging me boy?...
"It doesn't matter."
"Zelgadiss-san - "
"Good night Xellos." It hadn't helped to talk about it, that was only making it worse. He lay down again and pulled the blanket over himself, facing away from Xellos. He had no intention of going to sleep, but he was not going to answer anymore questions tonight either. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about it.
"Tired Zelgadiss-san?" Xellos asked cheerfully, smiling to hide his concern.
"No." The chimera was incredibly grumpy.
"You haven't slept much in the past few days, are you sure you aren't just a little bit tired?"
"No, I'm not." Yes, he was. His eyes were bloodshot and he was walking slowly. He'd woken from nightmares for the past few days. Regretfully he'd only turned to Xellos for comfort that first night, still, the mazoku liked knowing that Zelgadiss dreamed of him. If only the end of the dream were more pleasant, he might be having an easier time of seducing him.
He just wished he knew what happened after the dream changed. "Come on Zelgadiss-san, we can rest for a while, you need it."
"Such concern Xellos-san?" a new, arrogant sounding voice filled the air. Xellos winced inwardly, still smiling on the outside. A part of him had been waiting for this, the timing was particularly awful though. "You never learn do you? You're a mazoku, accept it."
"I have." Xellos said, ignoring Zelgadiss' confused look. "I'm surprised to hear you calling me that, however, you never seemed inclined to accept me as such before."
"Well, you have made quite the name for yourself, haven't you? Quite the feared little bastard, aren't you?"
"Really, I don't think my reputation is quite that drastic."
"No, but it's more than mine now, isn't it? You saw to that."
"Come now Fiorie-san, we go through almost the exact same conversation every time you visit, do get on with it."
"I just want to make sure you remember why I do this Xellos-san."
"You can be sure that I never forget."
"Good. Then I shall return to visit with your friend later."
Silence.
"Who was that?" Zelgadiss asked, "And don't tell me it's a secret."
Xellos smiled, "Very well, but it is a long story, we should find a place to stop."
"Fine."
Xellos smiled wider as Zelgadiss agreed. It would appear that he'd gotten the chimera to rest after all, it was just unfortunate that the cause was Fiorie. Still, Zelgadiss was very different from the others, maybe this would all work out okay this time. L-sama, he could only hope that was the case, if it wasn't - No, he wouldn't think of that now.
They found a suitable area by a creek and Zelgadiss sank down wearily. It took a few moments, but then he looked up at Xellos and said, "All right, who's voice was that and what were you two talking about?"
Xellos sighed, "That voice was Fiorie, one of Zellas-sama's other generals, and my former master."
"You're kidding."
"No, actually, I'm not." Xellos stopped smiling and looked into the water, this was too important now to pretend any different. And this was Zelgadiss, where would they stand if he couldn't even tell him this honestly? He began talking again, "When I was very young, I was sold to Fiorie by my parents."
"Sold? What did he pay them?"
"There were given a mission in the service of Zellas-sama. They succeeded and were rewarded."
"A mission? They sold you in order to work for someone?"
"It is an honour to serve Zellas-sama. Their success at that mission brought them her attention, and had them enter her service on other occasions, it was well worth the sacrifice of an unwanted child."
Zelgadiss accepted that comment without comment, Xellos was grateful, he didn't feel like discussing that much about himself yet. "I served Fiorie for many years, and it was through that service that I attracted the attention of Zellas-sama, and then my master changed. Unfortunately, as we are both in her service, we are under direct orders not to kill one another."
"Not a kind master then."
"No, not by any stretch of the imagination, it was in his service that I learned to enjoy pain. Still, he could have been worse."
"And he doesn't like you much either?"
"There are many ways to get revenge on someone without killing them Zelgadiss-san."
"So his fall from favour was your fault."
"Quite. Which brings us to his form of revenge, which is the basis for his visit today."
"What is his revenge?"
"He kills anyone I care about."
"You actually care enough that it's effective?"
"Why do you find that so hard to believe?"
"You're a mazoku."
"Now you sound like Fiorie. That really doesn't matter as much as is commonly believed. Just because we like chaos doesn't mean we aren't given hearts."
"No?"
"It's a nice simple theory isn't it? All mazoku must be evil, they feed on 'dark' emotions. That isn't our choice, it's just the way we were created. And as for damage being done my 'good' emotions, well, if that were really true then Amelia-san and her father would be able to wipe out even mazoku in existence, I never would have survived being with them even for a few moments."
Zelgadiss chuckled at the joke and Xellos smiled. "Besides, so called 'good' and 'bad' emotions often exist simultaneously, you would be surprised as what can sustain us."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, let me us Amelia-san as an example again. Would you imagine that her emotions would be able to sustain me at all?" He could see Zelgadiss ponder the question, and then the chimera shrugged,
"No, I don't really see how she could."
"And yet, she does, quite nicely actually."
"All right, how?"
"Her love of justice is combined with an equally strong hatred of villainy. They are so much a part of one another that she doesn't consciously think of it in those terms, she sees one side but not the other. I however, see them both."
"I get it. But why do mazoku deny that they posses those feelings?"
"For the same reasons that other races do. And for our own peace of mind I suppose."
"It's easier to let a world dissolve into chaos if you don't care for anything on it."
"Exactly."
"Okay, so Fiorie shows up and kills all the people who are important to you."
"After telling me that he is going to do so. That way I will know that they died because I was unable to stop him."
"Ouch. So," there was a brief pause, "He's going to kill me because he thinks I'm important to you."
"No, he's going to kill you because you ARE important to me."
"Oh yeah, another monster that wants to kill me. At least that part of my life is consistent."
Xellos turned to look at Zelgadiss in amusement, and found the chimera leaning against a rock, his head back, eyes closed. The mazoku smiled as his companion's breathing slowed into a light sleeping pattern. "Don't let the stress get to you Zel-chan, it's done good to worry about things so much."
"You want me to stop? Don't beg me boy, that won't work."
"Please, don't do this anymore!" Zelgadiss sat up with a gasp and looked around disoriented. "Xellos?" There was no response, maybe the mazoku had finally left him alone. That should have made him happy, but it didn't. He decided not to think about the implications of that.
He wondered if Xellos had actually been telling him the truth earlier. If he was, then he had a lot more to worry about now than some bad dreams, A general of the Beast Master, someone as powerful as Xellos, was hunting him down? That was just great. He really would have preferred to have Lina there for help right about now.
"Looking glum Zelgadiss-san, contemplating your eminent demise?" Xellos materialized in front of him, smiling like normal, "Don't worry so much, you're very hard to kill."
"Thanks for the encouragement."
"You looked like you could use some." His smile vanished, "Did you have the same dream again?"
"Not exactly, my subconscious has apparently decided to skip the scenes where I'm fine and go straight to the parts where I'm being hurt."
"So I'm not in your dreams anymore Zelgadiss-san? I'm crushed."
"Fruitcake." he growled, and Xellos smiled at him before looking concerned once again.
"You are missing too much sleep Zelgadiss-san."
"It's better than staying asleep and begin stuck in that dream, trust me."
"But - "
"Now that is an interesting comment." The voice from before rang though the trees around them, and then a tall man with long black hair and amber mazoku eyes appeared behind Xellos.
"Fiorie," Xellos said darkly, turning to face the other mazoku, "Jumping into the fray early this time aren't you?"
"I'm not one to let an opportunity go to waste."
"I'm going to stop you." Xellos' words were cold, as were his eyes. Zelgadiss recognized the look, this was the mazoku at his worst. Yet, for the first time, he wasn't the slightest bit worried by it.
"Go ahead and try," Fiorie countered and they began to move, faster than even Zelgadiss could see. He was able to follow their general locations, but nothing more than that.
Don't get hurt fruitcake, he though, trying to keep track of Xellos, but no longer certain which of the blurred shapes was him. I won't forgive you if you get hurt.
The battle lasted for an eternity, and then one of the figures vanished, and the other crumpled to the ground.
"Xellos," Zelgadiss ran forward and picked up the fallen mazoku, who was exhausted and bruised, but did not appear badly injured.
"I'm all right Zelgadiss-san," he said weakly, "Just tired."
"You're pushing yourself too hard, you should fight an enemy that strong alone."
"You almost sound worried Zelgadiss-san."
The chimera froze, it was true, he was worried. About Xellos? When he knew that Fiorie wasn't going to kill him?
"Strange since you hate me."
"I don't hate you." he said before he could stop himself, and realized that the words were true, though he didn't know when that had changed. "I don't hate you, so don't do anything stupid, all right?"
Xellos smiled then, a real smile, it was the first time he had seen the mazoku do so outside of his dreams. "Okay Zelgadiss-san, I won't."
Zelgadiss smiled back at him. This felt right, like the dream before it changed. Was that the way her really felt about Xellos?
...yaoi fucker...
A shudder passed through him, he felt Xellos stir in his arms.
"Are you all right Zelgadiss-san?"
...hurts? get used to it...
"I'm all right Xellos, just a sudden chill, that's all." He smiled again as the mazoku sat up, knowing that the lie hadn't worked, but wanting to convince them both that it was true. "I'm really all right."
"Zelgadiss-san..."
"Please Xellos, don't ask me about it."
The mazoku stared at him for a long time, then finally sighed, "All right, but you are going to have to deal with this at some point Zelgadiss-san, or it will break you."
"I know," the chimera said, looking away sadly, "I know."
"I have to go for a while, will you be all right?"
"Where are you going?"
"I've just been in an exhausting battle, are you sure you want to know?"
Zelgadiss took in Xellos' smile and paled, "No, its probably best for my peace of mind if I don't know, I've become such a nice guy lately."
"I know, and you had such potential too." Xellos sighed heavily, then winked at the chimera and vanished. Zelgadiss laughed, then sat down and started a fire.
It was strange, not hating Xellos, actually liking him. A lot. In fact, if he wanted to, they could be -
...god damn pansy boy...
Another shudder passed through him. This was not good, it wasn't just limited to dreams anymore. Dammit, why couldn't this have stayed forgotten, he had worked so hard not to thik of it, why did it have to come back? Alone in the clearing, he knelt by the fire and began to cry.