navy = document to be MSTed
Disclaimer:
Zelgadis, Rezo, Xeros and Lina all belong to TV Tokyo, Software Sculptors, and their original creators (I'm sorry! I can't remember their names, and I don't know how to read kanji!). I am using these characters without permission, and not for money. Thank you in advance for not sueing me.
The idea of MST3K belongs to Best Brains.
ChaDi, Cha, Di, Silent Steel, and the Beast of Chaos are all copyrighted to me. Passion is copyrighted and created by Passion (berry@sugar-river.net), Shokka is copyrighted to Shokka (degen@con2.com) and Skeksis is copyrighted to Skeksis/Klepto (khelkhet@shaard.trekmush.org)
Beast Wars and all the relevant terms and names belong to Hasbro
The fanfic Mysterious Findings belongs to Spittor, and he's welcome to it.
Cue less than normal opening music ... except this time it's weirder than usual
Anonymous singers:
In the not so distant future
About 2000 B.C.
There was a writer named Silent Steel
one of many, you see
Deranged singers:
In the not so distant past
Older than one million A.D.
Two ships crashed on earth
As different as can be
Anonymous singers:
She was done with her job for the day
Getting her next chapter underway
Making a villain vanish without a trace
When her brother got bored and shot her into space!
(Bro, I am going to kill you!)
Deranged singers:
Maximal versus Preadacon in the wrong time
And alien landlords for the slagging place
Wanna slag a pred? You had to get in line,
Until some bots got snatched and shot into space!
(What the slag are we doing here?!?)
The Anonymous hide behind part of the scenery, while the Deranged singers drop to the floor and drool.
Beast of Chaos:
I'll send her horrid Fanfics
Some of the worst I can find (falala)
She'll have to sit and read them all
It just might fix her mind (falala)
(It's horribly twisted, ya know)
_&$^^$&_:
I'll send them horrid fanfics
The worst on the web (falala)
Just to monitor their sanity
And see what knocks them dead
( ... You do not know me.)
Anonymous & Deranged singers:
Now keep in mind she can't control
They'll never be able to control
when the fanfics begin or end
when the darn things begin or end
Because she used those special parts
because controls were not included
To keep from being blown up by her friends!
So the pain never ends
- Slayers Roll Call! -
- Beast Wars Roll Call! -
Xeros! (I got the camera!)
Skeksis! (Ah, such lovely pain ... )
Zelgadis! (Give that back, you purple fruitcake!)
Garthim! (Will you hunt, or shall you be my prey?)
Rezo! (What am I doing here?)
Waspy! (Wazzpinator greatest Predacon!)
Lina! (Grrrr ...)
Silverbolt! (Where is m'lady?)
ChaDi! (Why have a transformer in with Slayers?)
Shokka! (Be wary of your secrets ...)
FIIIRRREEBAAALLL!!!
Paaaassiooon! (Hmm ... shall I have rabbit or Waspy
for lunch?)
If you're wondering how she eats and breathes
Since the field of combat is the mind
And other science facts (falala)
They have all the comforts necessary (falala)
Keep in mind it's just a fic
But remember it's just a fic
And you really should relax
And of aliens you should be wary
For Maniac Slayers Theatre 2.34k!
In Predacon Destruction Theatre 1 Million!
fade out music, and Anonymous singers split to go practice their lounge act in Taiwan. The Deranged singers get taken back to Arkham Asylum in bright shiney new coats with extra-long sleeves.
(Sattellite of Missing Sanity)
The view opens up on the bridge of the sattellite, showing Rezo, Zel, Lina, and Silent Steel playing poker on the top of the giant tub of yarn. Xeros is fiddling with the controls of the comm.
Lina: looking at Xeros in disgust Just quit fiddling with it. Whoever sent the message will probably start sending it again when they want to.
Rezo: On another tangent, where's the newcomer?
Silent Steel: You mean ChaDi? I told her to go get some sleep.
Xeros: Since when does a robot need to sleep?
ChaDi: from the door to the sleeping quarters Since said robot was bonded with an organic form in order for survival on a hostile planet. yawns
Rezo: Awake enough to talk, Miss ... ?
ChaDi: Just call me ChaDi. Yeah, barely awake enough. Just what is going on here?
[Commercial: Stuck in a body you don't want? Wondering what it would be like to be your favorite animal? Just send away for the Jusenkyo Springs Product Mail-Order Cataloug, you'll find the curse of your wishes!]
(Sattellite of Die-Cast)
This sattellite does not look all that different from the one of Missing Sanity, albeit without the giant tub of yarn in the main area. Instead of the giant tub, there is a large R chamber in one corner. Three shadowed figures stand there, only faintly illuminated from the light of the comm.
Shadow#1: Go ahead and send off the signal again, there's nothing else to do while we wait for the sadistic one to finish hooking up the power lines she destroyed.
Shadow#2: Watch what you say about my twin, Passion!
Shadow#3: Ladies, please! Please, do not fight! We are all in this trouble together!
Shadow#2: Just the thing I would expect a Maximal to say.
Passion: Shut up, and just send the message, Maximal.
(Sattellite of Missing Sanity)
ChaDi: ... so because of your darn brother, I'm stuck up here instead of this Amy?
Lina: Yup.
ChaDi: This stinks like a week-old corpse.
Xeros: Hey! Incoming message!
Silent Steel: Open the line, ya brainless fruitcake!
Xeros snapped on the comm, the screen revealing the interior of the Sattellite of Die-Cast.
(SoD-C)
The three shadows in the main room stare at the image on their comm in disbelief.
(SoMS)
Xeros: Hey ... could you turn up your lights? It's rather hard to see you.
(SoD-C)
All: ....
Shadow#3: ... ChaDi, is that you?
A triumphant yell comes from somewhere within the sattellite, and the lights all snap on, revealing the threesome in harsh light.
(SoMS)
ChaDi blinks, staring at the comm screen.
ChaDi: Silverbolt? Just what in the name of Primus are you doing there?
(SoD-C)
Bright lights flash, sirens wail. You know it, all impending signs that a fanfic is about to descend on the helpless inhabitants. The other three inhabitants of the sattellite join the first three in the main room.
(SoMS)
All: GET IN THE THEATRE!!
Lina: Or something bad might happen!
(SoD-C)
Everyone files into the theatre, more than a little confused. Silverbolt hits the button on the way in.
(Theatre Doors)
Door 1 (A large toilet seat. Ya flip the handle and the lid raises, letting you by)
Door 2 (It's a life-sized replica of Rattrap. Passion bites the head off and tears the rest to shreds.)
Door 3 (The floor falls away, and they are dumped in front of the next door)
Door 4 (It's gaurded by a large centaur. After listening to Passion complain for a while about losing the head from the Rattrap replica, the centaur waves you on just to get rid of you)
Door 5 (Alien symbols glow on the door. A few random whacks, and they pass by)
Door 6 (A beam of light shoots up from the floor, you step into it, and are teleported to the next door)
Door 7 (A giant pair of steel-bound titanium doors. After knocking futilely for a while, they all just use the cat door in the bottom left)
(Theatre)
The theatre is on the cold side, and rather barren except for a large screen and four seats in front of it. The six prisoners of the sattellite fight briefly for the seats, leaving two to sit on the floor or hover in the air.
Shadow#4: Wazzpinator no like this! circles rapidly in the air
Passion: Stop that, or I will eat you.
Shadow#5: Garthim, do you have any idea what we're supposed to do for this?
Silverbolt: I believe we are to review whatever shows up on the screen.
Shadow#6: Then why the heck did they send you with us? You're a Maximal, for the Inferno's sake!
Passion: Oh, just shut up, Shokka.
Shokka: Make me.
Shadow#2: Hush, I think it's starting.
Mysterious Findings
By Spittor
Shadow#5: hacks a loogie at the screen
Shokka: That was gross, Skeksis.
Skeksis: I know. grins evilly
This episode take place shortly after Cheetor gets caught in that explosian after getting caught in the beam were the Transmetal 2 driver used to be in the episode "Feral Scream Part One".
Shadow#2: Does this tell us anything?
Others: No.
There is a stasis pod that crashed in the side of the mountain that Megatron made Transmetal 2 Dinobot. The stasis pod was offline untill the explosian
Shokka: Explosion.
Shadow#2: Didn't this guy use a spellcheck program?
Skeksis: Obviously not, Garthim my twin.
turned it on, but also damaged it. The stasis pod's computer's DNA scanners go up and than the beam finds a goat and starts to copy it's DNA. But right in the middle of it, a piece of metal hits the DNA scanner and it cannot finish.
Passion: Oops! Dropped some of my lunch!
Garthim: You really need to do something about your male-eating tendencies.
Passion: I haven't tried to eat Waspy or the flying dog yet, have I?
Skeksis: True.
The computer says "Malfuncion.
Silverbolt: Malfunction.
DNA scan not complete, alternate mode only 75% complete".
The stasis pod starts to hatch like an egg and a shadowy figure pops out.
Passion: I think I'll call him 'dinner'.
This shadowy figure hears voices and runs away.
Garthim: sarcastic Oh, just riveting action scenes in this.
Others: snicker
This creature gives it self a name, Ramulus.
Passion: I like dinner better.
Waspinator: Wazzpinator think better him than Wazzpinator.
Passion: You're breakfast.
Waspinator: ... zzz ... Waspinator will hide now.
He is later discovered by Megatron. Megatron starts to perswade
Silverbolt: Persuade.
him to join the Preadacons. Ramulus dosn't trust him so he knocks him off a cliff.
Predacons: BOOOO!!! I WANTED TO DO THAT!!
Silverbolt: You really don't have much of a concept of loyalty, do you?
Inferno comes around from a skinny mountain and sees this and shoots
Ramulus in the back.
He says "Anyone who threations the rolalty must BUURRNNNNN!" Silverbolt
was flying over and said "Hey, leave him! ! alone!"
Skeksis: Beware of the random exclamation point!
Silverbolt: One does have to wonder just what sort of mental state the author was in when this was written.
Waspinator: Huh?
Garthim: Translation: What was this turkey smoking?
Passion: Then why didn't he say that in the first place?!
Inferno flew away sence
Silverbolt: Since.
Silverbolt called for reinforcements. The rest of the Maximals came and carried Ramulus back to the base because he was offline.
Passion: No duh! Inferno's flamethrower hurts!
Skeksis: purring happily Oh yes ... it does.
Garthim: I see you've been baiting him again, my twin.
Others-twins: back away from Skeksis and Garthim
Ramulus wakes up in the CR chamber when Rhinox opens the door. Optimal Optimus greets him and tells him that he can transform by saying "Maximise".
Silverbolt: Maximize.
He dose
Shokka: Does.
that to talk face to face.
Garthim: Well, you can't really talk aft to face, now can you?
Waspinator: Unlezz zzomeone ate beanzzz firzt.
Skeksis: Or Torca the Magical Flying Shamu sat on someone again.
Optimus tells him that he is a Maximal and about the situwation.
Shokka: Situation.
Garthim: Waspy, quit chewing on the seat.
Ramulus agrees to be a Maximal, but he still dosen't trust Maximal or Predacons that much.
Silverbolt: Is that it?
Shokka: Seems to be.
All: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!!
(Theatre Doors)
Door 7 (A giant pair of steel-bound titanium doors. After knocking futilely for a while, they all just use the cat door in the bottom left)
Door 6 (A beam of light shoots up from the floor, you step into it, and are teleported to the next door)
Door 5 (Alien symbols glow on the door. A few random whacks, and they pass by)
Door 4 (It's gaurded by a large centaur. After listening to Passion complain for a while about losing the head from the Rattrap replica again, the centaur waves you on just to get rid of you)
Door 3 (The floor falls away, and they are dumped in front of the next door)
Door 2 (It's a life-sized replica of Rattrap. Passion bites the head off and tears the rest to shreds.)
Door 1 (A large toilet seat. Ya flip the handle and the lid raises, letting you by)
(SoD-C)
Everyone mills around the main room, looking rather confused. Silverbolt walks back over to the comm and switches it back on.
Silverbolt: ChaDi, are you there?
(SoMS)
ChaDi looks up at the blinking light, and scurries to turn the comm on. The other five inhabitants watch, vaguely curious.
ChaDi: Silverbolt! You all right?
Lina: That wasn't too long, they must have gotten a short one.
(SoD-C)
Skeksis: Yeah, it was short.
Silverbolt: I am fine, ChaDi.
Passion: Can any of you tell us just what the Inferno is going on?!
Waspinator: Wazzpinator not feel good ...
(SoMS)
Lina: I don't know what the limit is in your case, but we got stuck up here until her (jerks a thumb at Silent Steel) brother finally finishes sending all the fanfics that got the server so clogged we can't get home.
Silent Steel: Has anyone tried to contact you?
(SoD-C)
All: No.
Skeksis: Umm ... Shokka?
Waspinator: ... ooogg ...
Skeksis: SHOKKA!
(SoMS)
Xeros: That's odd ...
Zelgadis: Normally the one who captured wants to gloat.
Lina: What's wrong with him?
(SoD-C)
Waspinator: Urk ...
All-Waspy: HE'S GONNA BLOW!!
roll ending music
All: EEEEEWWWWW!!
finish ending music