The lyrics are from Do What You Have to Do by Sarah McLachlan
What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Zelgadis slammed his fist into a tree as he walked about outside. How could Lina have left alone with that Mazoku!? What if she loved that thing? Gods... his heart hurt almost physically at the though. Sure, she was back now, but that thing still hung around her more than was necessary. How could she have done this to him, he worried about her for two whole weeks when her found both her and that Mazoku were both gone! He was so ticked at her he wished he could just be mad at her, but he loved her, that's why he worried about her when she was gone, and why he worried about her now that Xellos was practically trying to cling to her.
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
When he saw her walking back with that ancient book in her arms he'd wanted to run to her, hold her, tell her how much he missed her, how much he worried... maybe even kiss her. But he couldn't let himself, he was a monster, a freak. He didn't deserve love, to feel it for another, and especially not for another to feel love towards him. He tried to tell himself that thing had bribed her, used the old magical tome of the Grimore of the Great Ones to get he to come with him alone. Heck, he'd probably have went alone with Xellos for it, since the Great Ones were allied with powerful shapeshifters. It could mean a way for him to be human again, to be worthy of her.
And fate has lead you through it
You do what you have to do
He sighed as he started walking back towards the small inn they were staying at for the night. He was tempted to talk to Lina, to see if that thing tried to hurt her, to find out is she did... if she... he couldn't think it, it hurt too much. He headed back to his room to get some sleep, they'd be moving off again in the morning, after a new lead on a possible cure.
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do...
He awoke early, the dawn not even beginning to breach the horizon, but he couldn't bring himself to sleep anymore. Worries shoved their way forward as he tried to just lie there. He finally decided to walk a bit, maybe he could leave those worries behind him for a bit. For a moment he considered looking for Xellos and killing him but that wouldn't do him any good, and if Lina did love that Mazoku it would just make her hate him. And he couldn't live with her hating him.
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
He found himself wandering towards where Lina's room was. He thought that just maybe he could look at her as she slept. She seemed so innocent, so calm, when she slept, one wouldn't think that she was the Bandit Killer. He slowly opened her door and peeked in... what was that thing doing in her room! "Hi Zelgadis," he grinned at him. Zel's jaw dropped as he saw the Mazoku was just putting on his cape... Lina couldn't have... could she?
"You slimy Mazoku! If you did anything to Lina..." he started to growl at Xellos.
"Now, now Zelgadis. Its not like its your concern, what I and the lovely lady do," he smirked, "is between us alone."
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
He couldn't stand the look on that thing's face so he hit Xellos hard, leaving a trickle of blood coming from his nose and mouth. Then he turned around heading for Gourry's room, he couldn't stand living anymore, Lina loved that THING! Hell, she'd probably even done it with that thing from what he saw! How could she love that heartless Mazoku, when he loved her? Like Xellos was capable of loving her, heh, a Mazoku loving... when Hell froze over.
I'm ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
He reached Gourry's room and opened the door slowly, creeping in he took the Sword of Light. He then jumped out the window and Ray Winged into the nearby forest. He landed grasping the sword close to him, tears falling from his eyes. "Lina..." he whispered, "How could you do this to me? How could you... how could you fall for that THING?!?"
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
He clenched the hilt of the sword and then whispered "Light come forth." His eyes shut and he feared it would hurt when he finally brought himself to plunge the blade into him. "It can't hurt worse than what I hurt already..." he sobbed
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
He took off his cape and spread it out on the ground. He knelt in the middle of it, still holding the Sword of Light. He shut his eyes, thinking of Lina, how he wished it could have been. If only he found a cure, if he could have let her know how much he loved her. He shivered as a wave of hopelessness washed over him, chilling him to the bone better than any icy wind could have.
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
He wiped away a tear, knowing he couldn't live without her love, it would kill him, a day at a time, if he didn't end his cursed life now. Better a swift clean death than a lingering painful one, he told himself.
A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow
"Goodbye Lina," he whispered. "I love you, I always will, in this world and the next." He pulled up the Sword of Light and turned it so the blade pointed towards him, a grim, pained, look on his face. Suddenly he plunged it towards himself, screaming as the blade entered his body, thick blood pouring out the wound before a flash of light engulfed him.
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you
Lina suddenly awoke to hear an inhuman scream she immediately recognized. "Zel!" she yelled as she ran out of her room. She ran as swift as she could to where his scream had come from, tears streaming from her eyes, she knew that it had to be something bad.
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
She didn't even hear Gourry and Amelia yelling at her to slow down as she entered the forest. Suddenly she reached the clearing, only to see Zel's cloak on the ground, covered with blood. She ran to it, crying even more, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" she screamed.
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
Gourry knelt beside Lina as she collapsed by the cloak, her hand grasping one of the bloodier sections as if by holding that she could still hold him near her. "Lina, my sword, the Sword of Light, its missing," he whispered.
Lina looked up at him, "Gourry... Zel... he's dead, isn't he? He took the Sword of Light?" she said, not really asking. Her heart felt as if all emotion had emptied from it only to be filled with so much pain and loss the next that it physically hurt.
And I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
Gourry just nodded as Amelia finally caught up. "That's Zel's..." she started as she glimpsed the scene, she wanted to fall to the ground crying at that very moment but then saw Lina. Gods, she never realized that Lina loved Zel that much. A wave of cold washed over her as she then went to stand by Lina.
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
"He's gone..." Lina sobbed. "He left me. How could he leave me..."