Done to After Midnight, lyrics by Mercedes Lackey.
In the dead, dark hours after midnight
When the world seems to stop in its place,
You can see just a little more clearly,
You can look your life in the face,
Zelgadis looked out the window at the moon shining high in the sky and sighed. It was on nights like these he could set aside the things he told himself, the things he forced himself to believe, and realize at least some truths that eluded him in the day. Things seemed so still, - so calm – that he could almost believe there was a place for him, somewhere, even as he is now. He could almost consider speaking his heart, but he knew that with the dawning of the sun it would sear away whatever thoughts made him think he could do so. He sighed again and stepped out of the room to walk to the balcony to enjoy the night air only to find Lina already there.
You can see the things that you have to –
Speak the words too true for the day.
In the dead, dark hours after midnight,
Little Friend, will you listen – and stay?
He wandered to the bench and sat beside Lina silently and she just said "Beautiful," with a sigh.
He just nodded and answered, "Yes, it is a beautiful night," not understanding she was referring to him and how he looked with the moonlight shining on him.
v"Zel," she said quietly. "Do you ever wonder if what you thought you wanted most was... I don't know, worthless, useless, unnecessary?" She stared straight at the moon in deep thought.
"On nights like these, yeah." He answered honestly. "Sometimes I even wonder why I search for my cure with such obsession."
Suddenly she looked right at him and they locked eyes. After a minute she spoke softly, "Maybe that's because you don't need one."
In the time that I never knew you
I could view the world as my own –
I was god's own gift to his creatures,
And I wore an armor of stone.
Zel looked away and blushed, how could she say that? He was a freak, wasn't he? But somehow she seemed to forget what he was. He smiled as he thought about how he had been before he met her. She brought him friendship, laughter, fun, someone to remind him there was more to life than moping around. Then he spoke, "Maybe you're right."
He knew he couldn't imagine who he would have been without her, or could he? Oh, he'd have truly become a monster, caring only for his cure. And he realized that meant that he'd be every bit the monster he feared people saw him as, and even if he did turn his body human again his soul would have became a monster's.
I was wise and faithful and noble –
I was pompous, pious, and cold.
I was cruel when I never meant it –
Too cool to touch or to hold.
Zel looked at Lina and saw her smile, and without thinking smiled back. He knew before, even when he was human, he'd never have smiled so openly. He thought to himself, On a night like tonight you could blame it on the moon.
"Sometimes I wonder what I'm looking for," Lina said suddenly. "Or why I'm even looking at all."
"Maybe you've already found it," Zel said in response, "And you just haven't realized it yet." Then they stared at each other.
It was you who broke through my armor;
It was you who breached the wall,
With your pain and your desperation –
How could I not answer your call?
Even as he saw her smile at that he saw the pain and doubt written on her face. He then knew, consciously, what a part of him had known since he first saw her. He knew of the pain inside her that drove her desperately to search for something she couldn't put a name to. His heart reached out to her and he placed a hand on her shoulder. "And if you haven't, I hope you find it soon." Then he leaned forward and kissed her, he was somewhat surprised when she started to kiss back.
How could I have guessed you would touch me,
And in ways I couldn't control?
How could I have known I would need you –
Or have guessed you'd see to my soul?
Almost hungrily the kiss deepened and they embraced, then suddenly she broke the kiss and moved her head to kiss his ear a few times before speaking, "I think I found it." Then she kissed his ear a few more times, "And did anyone ever tell you that you have the cutest ears?"
He grinned and laughed softly, "No, no one's ever told me that until now." He could barely believe it, she cared for him – loved him even! He felt so happy he was sure he should have burst.
For as I taught you so you've taught me,
How to love and why to care –
For your love has thawed my winter,
Taught me how to feel and dare.
Gods, he wondered, how could I have ever lived before this? They way he felt so suddenly... alive, made him wonder if what he had been doing before wasn't just simply existing. But what was the point on wondering about the past when there was so much to do. Now that there was so much to live for now that he had found a place for himself, just as he is. He smiled contentedly.
When I looked tonight I discovered,
I could not again stand apart –
In the dead, dark hours after midnight,
I learned that I owe you my heart.
"Zel," she whispered into his ear. "I love you."
Zelgadis blinked and smiled. Yes, this was love. Like nothing he could have imagined before, love looking straight to the soul and binding two together into something so much more spectacular and wonderful than anything else. Something he felt, as he knew she felt that he could not again live without. He embraced her, her head nuzzling into his chest as his fingers stroked her soft hair. "I love you too Lina, beloved."