Touching Others


He sat way from the group with his back to them, his gave straight ahead at nothing in particular. It always came down to this, even when he was with the only people he'd even consider calling friends he still felt apart from them. He let out a slight sigh without realizing it and looked at the dark sky, ignoring the chill wind that was starting to blow. Why must it always be this way? Even before... it was like this. Always alone, never truly a part of things...

His thought were distracted by the laughter coming from around the fire behind him, where the others sat and joked before preparing to rest for the night. "Can't you guys be a little more quiet!" he snarled to keep his true feelings hidden. He could never let them know, they'd never understand. He stood up and considered leaving, but then turned as if he was simply considering getting a drink, making himself some coffee.

"Hey, somethings got you down, more than usual, Zel," Lina said with some concern in her voice as she looked at him. He turned away and sat down, not quite as far away as the last time.

"Its nothing Lina," he answered coldly. Never a part of the whole, just a single mismatched extra piece. Something that could be done without, if I wasn't here they'd go on, they'd barely notice I was gone, even Amelia with her annoying infatuation for me would forget me in time.

The night wore on and he just continued to sit there, leaning against a tree, watching the sky, feeling as if he were part of its sharp, cold darkness. The emptiness of the night felt to him as if it was a mirror of his soul. He shut his eyes slowly, as if trying not to, and bowed his head, slowly as he opened his eyes a single tear shone in the starlight.

"Zel, what's wrong?" he heard Lina ask suddenly. Damn, she saw him, she probably saw the tear.

"Nothing you could understand," he said, not quite as coldly as he'd have liked. She's so strong she'd never understand this feeling... at least the others are asleep.

"Loneliness?" she said out of the blue. I quickly looked at her, wondering how she could ever understand.

As he nodded the tear slid down, "Yes, how..."

"How'd I know?" she grinned slightly, he was surprised to see the slightest touch of pain in her smile. "I know loneliness much more than any are likely to believe." She came and sat down beside him with a sigh. "Think about it, think of the reactions I get from most when they find out I'm Lina Inverse. They think I'm someone special, someone strong, someone to fear."

He nodded again, he'd never thought of it that way. "You know it... that ache that won't leave you alone, that makes you need a place to belong, but when you can't find it..."

"Yeah, sometimes I don't feel it," she whispered. "When I'm helping someone sometimes its gone. I've thought about it Zel. I think everyone is alone, at least to some point. We help when we can, and then after that we're alone again."

He though about it then smiled at Lina, "I think you may be on the right track. Thank you for letting me know I'm not as alone as I think I am."

"It was nothing," she said, still sitting next to him and together they looked at the sky. Each star seemed brighter than before, seemingly warming and feeling the darkness as they sat, leaning against each other into the night.


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