Idle Heart


Notes

Well here goes nothing. This is the first solo Slayer fic that I ever done so I'm not the sure about all the character's schematics. But enough of this babbling already. I was listening to too many depressing songs when I thought up and wrote this one... This one's about Zel and his personal anguish.


Zelgadis paced back and forth through the small clearing in the forest. Stopping for a moment, he saw he had treaded a deep path into the ground from his pacing. Letting out a sigh, Zel shifted his attention up to the stars above. Looking at them lazily, they slowly brought him back to mind the reason for his frantic pacing.

Calm yourself down, there is nothing to be stressed about now. It's better to just let it out here and now, bottling it up for any longer is going to do nobody any good. What do you got to lose anyway by knowing?

"Zel?" Lina asked as she slowly came out of forest into the clearing. The soft light of the stars illuminated her fiery red hair as she walked to him. "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" she inquired as she noticed how nervous Zel seemed to be, quite contrary to his usual calm appearence.

"Lina..." Zel stuttered, the very act of saying her name seemed to be too much for him. It was now or never. "Lina, the reason that I wanted to talk to you here is..." his voice failing him as he attempted to control himself.

"Yes Zel?" Lina asked looking at him with her red eyes.

"The reason that I wanted to talk to you is that...I love you." Zelgadis finally managed to say as he faced Lina.

A still silence quickly settled down, as time seemed to slow to a crawl. Everything almost appeared to be frozen in place as the two stood there. Then clouds slowly seemed to cover the sky as darkness came down upon them. The silence soon started to become unbearable, till a voice broke its spell.

"Gourry and Amelia are setting up the fire, we better go check on them." Lina said slowly as she turned and walked off to where she first came.

Zel just stood there, his hand squeezed into a tight fist as he gritted his teeth. A single tear slid down his face as bowed his head down in shame and collapsed to his knee. Idiot! You hoped, you dreamed, and you failed! You made your gamble and this is the price...you are not part of their or her world! Zel let out an inhuman scream as he slammed his fist into the dirt.

Lifting his fist up as he gazed at the bits of soil clinging to his stone skinned hand, he muttered, "This is all that you are, dirt. Nothing that will ever be worth anything or even worth loving for." He cried as drops of rain slowly fell down around him. Zel curled up as the rain quickly showered down on him, the sound of lightning and thunder cracking across the sky drowned the sound of his sobbing.


Water slowly dripped down onto the moss covered floor of the cavern. This area had naturally been eroded into a huge expanse capable of filling a small village in it. Only four candles illuminated part of the region of this cave. Held high by a single candle holder that held the four colored candles up and apart from one another.

The one to the farthest left was a simple hard white one, it shed a simple balanced light, but occasionally wavered at times by the other three.

Next to it was a short red fiery candle, blazing with intense heat and light, yet managing to remain control of its infereno.

The tall blue one came next, it held a dim light on the tip shedding less light than the others, but still giving what all its got.

The final candle was pink, designs carved along the sides, as its light outshone all the others, with a furious passion blazing, but however in its own light, was consuming itself faster than the others.

Zel slowly emerged from the shadow regions of the cave as he approached the candles. He stared at them silently as images of the past reared their heads. How long has it been since he left after that night. Ten, twelve years. Gazing at the candles, Zel brooded, a solemn reminder of the past and the light of the future.

This is where you should have always been, alone. Surrounded by the rocks that you are. Filled with the coldness of the soulless demon within. Where in there is there room for love or feelings? No where. You were a fool to hope, a fool to allow yourself to be weak! This is all that you are or ever will be. Cold still stone, hollow and empty, nothing worth loving or even caring for.

Zel turned to walk off, when a slight fizzle caught his ear. Turning around, his eyes widened as he gazed upon the blue candle as its light fizzled out. Zel closed his eyes for a moment, before he turned and left the light.

The graveyard was filled with rows upon rows of tombstones, a few mourners passed through to pay their final respects. Few took noticed as Zel made his way to a single tombstone. Kneeling before it, he glanced at the markings on it.

"It's been many years," Zel murmured as he brush away some dust on the tombstone as it read "Gourry Gabriev" on it, "You died her bodyguard didn't you?" Bowing his head as his mind drifted off to Lina, "I pray that you rest well, Gourry."

"Zelgadis..."

Zelgadis slowly turned his head, as he stared up at Lina Inverse dressed in black mourner's outfit. A slight lump formed in his throat as he quietly regarded her. She hasn't changed a bit since that night, he thought.

Breaking out of his thought, Zel asked, "You came to visit him?" Lina nodded slightly as she kneeled before Gourry's grave and set down some flowers before it. Zel could see tears coming down her face as she looked at the grave sadly.

"Lina..." Zelgadis said as he wanted to reach out to her, comfort her. "I..."

He stopped as she stood up and stared at him with her eyes and Zel found he could say nothing. Turning away, Lina slowly walked off, not even glancing back as she left. A deep cold wind blew down as it sent Zel's cape flapping in the air. Zel sank to his knee as he rested his head against the tombstone hoping for some solace from it as tears that flowed ten years ago flowed again.

It was wrong ten years ago, it was still wrong now. Why do you keep trying to pretend you actually have feelings. Everyone knows that Monsters can't feel. You are only hurting her and everyone around you by even trying. Can't you understand, you are nothing in their eyes?

Zel never returned to the abode where he had spent the last ten years alone. An observer to a world, who could see, but never truly be a part of it. He wandered aimlessly across the continent coming and going as the wind. There for a moment, but gone before one could blink. The years rolled by, but for someone made of stone it mattered little at all.

In the cavern the candles still did glow, till one day. There was a huge flash bathing the cavern with light, before it faded away. Another candle had gone out, as word of mouth soon caught up to Zel's ear and left he did.

Little had changed in the great church of Saillune, since he last been here so many years ago. A massive crowd filled the entire building, all came to pay their final respects. Zel lurked in the shadows of the back archway here only by respect. Queen Amelia, a regent for only six years before her life was claimed by an assassin's blade. Now here she rested, till they would take her off to be buried with the rest of her family.

Family, the word was like a dagger to Zel as he remembered how Amelia's family fueded among one another to claim the crown. Yet, despite that she had a family to love and go to. One which Zel had none, Rezo was to thank for that. In a way to incite his protege, Rezo had sacrficed his own family to the Mazoku to seal the wretched bargain he made. Now with Rezo dead, all connection to his past had been severed. How Zel had always wished to have a family to care for, but such a dream is merely a dream that Zel could never hope to have.

Leaving his thoughts, he lifted his head up to gaze at the mourners as they slowly lead the coffin out. A flash of red caught his eyes as he quickly looked for its owner. Lina... She was there among the mourners so close, yet still legions of miles away. He was surprised to find her relatively unaffected by the years. She was still as ravishing as when the two had first met. A sharp pain erupted from Zel's chest as he thought of it. Gritting his teeth as he clutched his chest, he paid one last longing glance toward Lina, before he departed. None had noticed his arrival, none noticed when he left. He was not part of her world any more and never was.

Years rolled by as they turned into decades, as the land and its people changed. Some changed for the better, others for the worse. Some showed new faces and others made new masks to wear. Others still just locked themselves away.

The cold plate armor was a shell of steel all around him, obscuring all that was noticeable from view. That was what he was, a suit of armor. Cold hard exterior with only hollow emptiness inside. There was no heart here to feel or love. Only the small slit through the viser allowed Zel to see outside, but even then that space was small and limited.

He had walked down this road numerous times over the many years that he had been wandering. Zel couldn't quite recall when he had started to wear the armor, but it seemed like he always had. He felt akin to it as it mirrored himself so simply.

Lina was probably dead over a dozen years ago, he couldn't really tell, time had became irrelevant for him. All he knew, all he heard, was that one day, Lina was dragged off while fighting off a horde of Mazoku. The night he heard the news his heart nearly gave out on him. He had failed her... She once said that he could be her bodyguard, but he had failed in that task along with so many others. He was powerless to stop so many things, he was merely a grain of sand among the rocks, nothing.

"What brings you this way?"

Zel stopped in his track as that voice filtered into the air, it was distant, filled with hidden malice. It seemed to echo around him, as he tried to place the voice. Reflex kicked in as Zel managed to flip away as several arrows of red energy flashed by. His armor clanked a bit as he stood up, looking around calmly.

The sound of clapping filled the night sky as it was joined with a slight giggle. Soon little wisps of fire started to appear out of the distance, forming a circle around him as he pulled out his sword.

"Do you think you can hurt me with that."

A mazoku, just the presence of its power was a huge give-away to it. Zel managed to allow himself a faint chuckle as he held his sword out defensively. Over the years he had enspelled numerous enchantments on it to allow it to fight such beasts. Numerous other Mazoku had fallen to its blade as a result of their foolishness.

"My what a delightful enchantment you have on that sword of yours, you hide them quite cleverly. I almost didn't see them." the Mazoku smirked as a red shadowy cloud formed before Zel. Amidst it was the dark silhouette of a girl. Only four glowing red ords on the figure seem to stand out as the rest was covered by shadows. The Mazoku scanned Zel carefully as it grinned, "Doubt, fear... my what a delicious dish you are."

Zel gazed at the Mazoku, sick of hearing its taunt. Without much less than a move to hint his reaction, he unleashed a full force Ra-Tilt at the Mazoku. The entire area was filled with a white flash before everything returned to darkness. Gazing about, Zel conjured a Lighting to illuminate the fried area before him.

"You got your chance, now it's my turn."

Spinning around, Zel's eyes widened as he saw the Mazoku come flying toward him. Not because of the long lance made up of what he knew as nightmare energy that was Laguna Blade, but who wielded it. No... With the Light spell in place, Zel could see all too clearly who he was fighting.

"Lina..." he choked just as the blade tore through him. The sheer force of the impact cracked his helmet and most of his armor as the blade ripped through him.

"Lina..." he murmured as he gazed deep into her eyes before darkness claimed him. Was that a tear...?


Zel sat silently on the porch of the temple to Ceiphied, the rocking chair slowly rocked back and forth. How long had he been here? One, no two weeks it's been since his encounter. He hadn't seen Lina again after that night. Nor could he understand truly why he was alive today. A sharp pain arose as Zel drew his hand across the bandages covering where she had stab him. The mental anguish was nearly as much as the physical as Zel leaned back into the chair. In his mind he could still recall what the Priest had told him when he awakened.

"We found you in front of our church, there was no sign of who had brought you here. Your wounds were quite severe, when we brought you inside. Sadly there is nothing in our power we can do to save you. The effect of Nightmare energy on living things will always end up fatal. All we could do was give you some extra time, but I'm afraid that was the extent of what we can do."

"How long do I have?"

"At the best, I give you three years if you don't involve yourself in any strenuous activities or use your magic."

Three years... Not even his, just borrowed time. So this is how it all ends, the one to bring down his death was the only one he truly opened his heart to. The one whose own hand ripped through his heart both physically and mentally. He cared little for why she had become a Mazoku or why she tried to kill him. He was left with nothing, but questions and loneliness. Such was fate for a monster. Now he would be forced to spend his final time sitting there as he await the end to bring upon him.

"What happens when the time is up."

"You will simply disappear. The chaos in you will consume your body entirely leaving nothing, no bones, or anything. To most there will be nothing to even hint your existence."

A slight crash drew Zel's mind out of the past as he saw that his cane had fallen from its resting spot by his chair. Reaching over, Zel winced as he strained a bit retrieving the cane. Thanks to his current state, he need the cane to support him wherever he went. Now even the simple task of walking can be quite a painful. Just like an old geezer. He felt just as old now, through he appeared no older than when he first became a Chimera, but the years had taken its toll on him nevertheless. This is how you will die, alone in the world, no friends to comfort you or mourn for you when you die. Merely another meaningless soul in the world of no significance at all. That is you Zelgadis Greyward. A cold wind fell upon Zel as it passed through him, chilling him to his bones as it quickly faded.

Not even looking to regard his visiter, Zel remarked, "So you've come again... Death."

The black robed figure merely regarded Zel impassively as it slowly walked up to his side. Only its face was visible underneath the hood, a pale resemblence of Zel's own, when he was human. Its eyes were made up of black opal, face paled white beyond belief. Hinting unfulfilled dreams and goals in them.

"Have you come to take me?"

Death glanced down at the chimera for a moment scanning him with its black eye before it looked ahead shaking its head slowly. A thin white hand came out of the robe as it pointed off into the field ahead. Zel followed Death's direction as he saw four kids playing out there. Two girls and two boys, playfully running around in their own make-believe world only they could see.

"Feel My Dragu Slave."

"Ha, I have the sword of light to defend myself with."

"It won't stop my Ra-Tilt."

"Ha, I want to be the hero and uphold Justice."

Kids, a joy in life that he could never truly have. How innocent they are in their young age. How he wished he could go back to the old days with the others, before all of this had happen. Before everything went wrong. Before he made that foolish mistake. Before he had done what he did. Glancing toward Death, he looking pleadingly for an end, but Death gazed at him silently back.

No.

Sighing, something caught Zel's eye as he looked over the side of his chair. There, lying on the floor next to his chair, was a guitar. Looking up at Death and then back down at the guitar, Zel let out a soft chuckle as he reached over and picked it up.

"A song?" he asked toward Death as their two eyes met. Nodding as he traced his fingers against the strings. The tome came slowly to him as he remembered the piece. The Last time he played this song, he was with Lina and Filia on that Ghost Ship. Pushing thoughts of the past aside, he slowly let himself be absorbed into the music as he played. Music slowly left the porch as two figures silently watched the kids play in the distance. A soft tear slid down to the ground.

"Lina, I forgive you..."


Part 2   |   Fanfiction