Super-deformed authors are dancing and singing.
"I want some hot stuff, baby this evening."
"Shoot, the readers are here! Run!"
That was somewhat relevant to the rest of the story.
Zelas woke up, looking at the ceiling. She felt like she just woke up out of a dream. There was this human that had ticked her off so much that she wanted to kill him. When that failed, she tried to seduce him to break his heart. But something went wrong along the way and she ended up marrying him yesterday. And then today would have been the first day of their honeymoon.
She rolled over. What a nightmare.
"Good morning, dear," Terim gave his wife a peck on the cheek. "Tired from last night?"
It wasn't a nightmare. It was worse. It was reality. Which meant that last night...
JUST WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?
Zelas's mind screamed as images flashed through. This used to be Chibi-Zelas's job but after the wedding she packed up her bags and left. Which was rather a good thing because she would have suffered multiple coronaries from the...activities of last night.
"I'll go ahead downstairs and arrange breakfast and today's itinerary," Terim winked at his wife before leaving their honeymoon suite.
After he left, Zelas threw off the covers and wrapped a silk robe around herself. Sitting down at the dresser, she opened that book on revenge.
"So now you're not only married, you're in love. Face it. You're screwed. Lovestruck Mazoku. And you did IT. I'm going to find someone who can get revenge."
Zelas burned the book and began to roughly brush out her hair.
"I can't believe I - "
A wolf whistle called from the balcony. Zelas looked balefully over at whoever dared to invade her privacy.
Fibrizo, Gaav, and Dolphin, all in tropical beach wear, waved.
"You really did it with him last night didn't you?" Gaav leered.
"How did you know?" Zelas shrieked, throwing the brush at him.
"Do what?" Fibrizo asked.
"Enjoy yourself?" Dolphin smirked.
All of the Lords looked at her. She had spoken again.
"What happened last night?" Fibrizo screamed.
"You're too young to know," Gaav patted the Hellmaster on the head.
"I'm older than you!"
"You...were here...last night..." Zelas was turning red, either from embarrassment or anger.
"Not only that," Gaav winked. "We got it all on tape too."
He and Dolphin began to sing with a rather sullen Fibrizo. "Zelas and Terim sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Zelas blasted them off of the balcony. That was it! Terim was going to die if it was the very last thing she ever did!
Gaav, Fibrizo, and Dolphin landed in a heap at the ground floor of the hotel.
"She's in denial," Gaav said.
Dolphin nodded.
"Hey what are all of you doing here?"
The three Lords looked up at the man wearing a large straw hat, dark shades, a hawaiian flower shirt, and khaki shorts who addressed them.
"Who are you?"
"Don't you recognize me?" Dynast removed his shades.
"Not without your armor," Fibrizo shook his head.
"And not frozen to your chair," Dolphin added.
Dynast whacked them. "So what are you all doing here? Taking a vacation too?"
"Actually..."
"Come on in, dear, the water is fine," Terim waved to his wife on the tour ship.
"I'm sure," Zelas muttered, trying to ignore how good Terim looked. She walked to the back of the ship where the blood for the sportfishing was kept. Evil thought. Soon, blood was dyeing the water red.
"Sharks!" screamed the other tourists, scrambling over each other to get back on board the ship.
"Everyone please stay calm!" the tour guide yelled futilely to the panicked people.
"There's still someone in the water!" shrieked a fat woman.
Zelas leaned over the rails to watch the demise of her husband. The bloody water roiled and frothed. People on board murmured about the poor man.
"Something is coming up!"
Zelas almost fell overboard herself when that familiar head of light violet hair broke the water surface and swam over to the tour ship. There wasn't a single scratch on him.
"How...how did you survive that shark frenzy?" asked the stunned tour guide.
Terim smiled and waved the pocket knife in his hand. "Always carry one with me."
The people were awestruck that he could kill all of those sharks with a pocket knife. Zelas crushed the metal railing in her hand. In her mind, she was swearing in every language spoken since Ruby Eye was broken into seven pieces. You learn a lot in five thousands years.
Because of the shark incident, the tour ship returned to port early.
"Fighting sharks sure builds up an appetite. Let's get lunch," Terim said, leading his wife by the hand to a seaside bar serving fresh seafood and shellfish.
"You're probably tired from all that," Zelas smiled sweetly. "Let me order the food. You can stake out a place on the beach to eat."
"Sure thing," Terim kissed his wife on the cheek and left.
Zelas walked up to the old man running the seaside bar. "You know those clams you threw in the garbage?"
"Yes."
"I want you to cook those for me."
"But they're poisonous!"
"Just do it," Zelas hissed, her eyes sparking.
The old man quickly obeyed and soon she was on her way with a plate of cooked and poisonous clams and her own plate of fresh jellyfish that wouldn't stop wiggling off of the plate.
"Over here!" Terim waved from the shaded spot under a large beach umbrella. "Thank you, I'm ravenous."
Terim ate the clams whole, the insides of course, not the shell.
"It's delicious," he said after chewing on it.
Then Zelas remembered the failed dinner poisoning where she fed him enough poison to kill a dragon five times over. She cursed whatever deal he had with death.
And within binocular distance of the newlyweds, Dynast was taking the news rather well.
"She married a HUMAN?!?!" Dynast yelled, his shades sliding down his nose.
"Yep, and she did IT with him too," Gaav smirked holding up the incriminating video tape.
"Hugged him?"
"No!"
"Kissed him?"
"No the OTHER it."
"French kissed him?"
"No the it that we can't let him," Gaav pointed at Fibrizo who was playing with the little umbrella in his tropical drink. "know about. You know IT."
"I've been in my armor too long," Dynast sighed. "...she really did?"
Gaav nodded. "Come over to my place later and I'll let you watch it."
"I want to see it too!" Fibrizo piped up.
"No!" Dynast and Gaav yelled.
"You know," Dolphin looked up from her fishing. "Why do they call it French kissing when here we don't have any place called France?"
They all looked away.
Terim was relaxing in the sauna in the honeymoon suite. The hot water was perfect for loosening tense muscles. He picked up one of the things floating belly up in the bath.
"Dear, you should call the management to report about these gray fish with razor sharp teeth coming out of the sauna."
Outside, Zelas crossed out the piranhas on her list. Next was a toaster. She picked up the next instrument of death and walked over to the sauna.
"Dear, what would you do for me?" Zelas smiled evilly.
"Anything."
"Even die for me?"
"Even die for you."
"Please remember that." Zelas dropped the plugged toaster into the water.
"This is going to sting," Terim muttered right before the toaster hit the water.
Downstairs in the bar, all of the lights flickered and died.
"The power is out," Gaav commented, putting down his mug of beer.
"Really?" Dynast was still wearing his shades.
Satisfied, Zelas walked back out to the bedroom. Let's see what the others had to say now.
"Zela?"
Zelas whipped around. Terim stood there in his bathrobe holding two pieces of toast in his hand.
"I'm afraid the toast got soggy."
Later that night, Zelas waited until she was sure that Terim was asleep. Then she opened the balcony doors wide and pushed the bed out of the room and over the railing.
Standing below were the four Mazoku Lords.
"So up there is their room?" Dynast asked, lifting up his shades.
"That's right," Gaav nodded.
"Think they'll do it again?"
"Only one way to find out," Gaav smiled lechrously.
"Do what?!" Fibrizo screamed.
"Something is coming," Dolphin noted.
They all looked up to see a dark shape descending rapidly toward them.
"Is that a bed?"
"Not sure."
"You know," Dynast said. "It just hit me."
"The bed?"
"Not yet. Actually I was just thinking that we could teleport away."
"You're right."
The bed crashed on them.
Terim stirred and looked around. This wasn't their suite. He looked up to the balcony where Zelas still stood.
"Dear do you know how the bed ended up out here?" he called.
Zelas dropped her head in defeat. Terim took that to mean 'no'.
"I'd better get back up there," he said getting out of bed. He stepped on Gaav's hand.
"Itai!"
Terim looked around but didn't see anyone. "I must be hearing things." And he left.
"You know," Dynast continued. "I think we're acting less like Mazoku the more we spy on Zelas."
"Maybe it's contagious," Gaav remarked.
"There's a monster under here," Fibrizo whined.
Dolphin whacked him.
"Hello, you can just call me the Innkeeper," greeted their tour guide to the volcano.
"He also owns the hotel we're staying in," Terim explained to his wife.
"Now this volcano is still active as you can tell by the blistering heat and running magma. Please try to stay away from the rim of the volcano," the Innkeeper warned. "Or you will be fried to a crisp leaving only your bones which will then melt away into nothing leaving no traces of your body. But with a delicious baked smell."
"Thank you I did not need to know that," groaned a tourist who promptly hurled last week's dinner.
"Now look at this Zela," Terim said pointing to the volcano rim. "They should really put railings around here. It's so easy for someone to just trip and - "
Zelas pushed him.
" - fall into the volcano just like this," Terim finished falling into the blinding heat. "I probably could have predicted this," he muttered on his way down. It was a very large volcano.
Zelas was walking away when the volcano sent up a geyser of molten rock.
"Good bye Terim."
"Look what I found Zela!"
Zelas tripped. Terim walked out of the volcano without a single burnt mark. He was holding a diamond the size of his fist.
"It was right there on the ledge that I landed on when I fell. This would make the perfect gem piece for a necklace. In fact, I think I saw a gold vein on my way up. Wait a minute. Geronimo!"
Zelas watched speechless as Terim vanished into the volcano again.
"Whoa. You sure know how to pick the weird ones," Dynast commented, leaning an arm on Zelas's shoulder.
"Yeah, doesn't anything faze him?" Gaav added in a bright orange shirt.
"What's this thing that Dynast and Gaav keep saying you're doing with that guy?" Fibrizo whined, pulling on Zelas's arm.
"You're in love with him aren't you?" Dolphin asked quietly, for once not a fishing pole in sight.
"I AM NOT!!" Zelas screamed.
The four looked at each other. "Denial."
She blew them up. Four very crisp bodies laid on the cooled molten rock.
"Big time," croaked Dynast. The other three just barely nodded.
"Here you are," Terim smiled coming out of the volcano holding a delicate gold filigree diamond necklace. "And there are even matching earrings."
"That's quite a man you have there," the Innkeeper commented.
"Oh shut up," Zelas groaned even as she let Terim put the jewelry on her.
"I am not in love with him," Zelas muttered, swallowing another shot of liquor. "I am not in love with him."
The bartender shook his head. The broken hearted came often. He refilled her shot glass.
"I am not in love," she said, not even believing herself. She held the switch for a C-4 in her hand. "I'm not in love with him and I'll prove it."
She pressed the switch and the hotel which could easily be seen through a window of the bar blew up.
"There. See?" Zelas mumbled to herself as tears began forming her eyes. "I'm not in love with some idiot human. He's dead. I can get on with my pillage and destruction."
She downed the contents of her glass.
"Another glass miss?" asked the bartender.
"Give me a bottle," she said mournfully.
The four Mazoku Lord sitting at a corner stall watched her carefully.
"She really did it," Gaav said, drinking his beer.
"Kill him?" Dynast asked, stirring his tequila.
"No fall in love with him."
Fibrizo scowled at his warm milk. "Why can't I get any liquor?"
"Because you're underaged," replied three voices.
Dolphin looked at the person who just entered the bar. "He's dead isn't he?"
"Who?"
"Zelas's husband."
"Yes."
"Then who's that?" she pointed at the newcomer. Three pairs of eyes looked over, three people choked on their respective drinks.
"Here's your bottle," said the barkeep, handing the bottle to the depressed blonde.
Zelas wordlessly accepted the bottle.
"Here you are."
Zelas dropped the bottle and Terim swiftly caught.
"Zefilian and a good vintage year too. It would be a shame if it broke." He grabbed the stool next to Zelas. "I was afraid that you were caught in the hotel when it blew up."
Zelas stared at him. "But...but you were in the hotel..."
Terim held up his scorched sleeve. "Yes but I was lucky. I'm just glad that you're alright."
"Why can't I kill you?!?" Zelas wailed, her head dropping onto the bar top.
Terim wrapped an arm around her. "There there. It's alright that your assassination attempts didn't work. Not the shark frenzy, the piranhas, the bed out the window, the volcano, or any of those earlier attempts."
Zelas looked at him. "You knew?!"
Terim shrugged. "Of course. Only an idiot wouldn't notice."
"And you LET me try to kill you?"
"It seemed to make you happy to try. Besides, in the beginning it was the only way I could get to see you."
Dynast turned back to his drink. "That guy scares me."
"Now that," Gaav emphasized. "is a man in love."
"I told you before didn't I?" Terim cupped Zelas's chin. "I'd do anything for you. Like breaking my hand." He gave his left hand a sharp twist and a very loud crack was heard. Terim's left hand hung limply. "See?"
"How romantic," Dolphin said, fishing in her drink.
"How painful," Fibrizo remarked dryly. "Are you sure that guy is human?"
"But...but..." Zelas's mind desperately searched for some reason for Terim to hate her. "I smoke a lot."
"Nothing a good ventilation system or rehab wouldn't cure."
"I drink a lot."
"I can afford it."
"I'm a guy."
The other four Mazoku Lords slammed their heads into the table.
"Is that true?" Gaav asked.
"I never knew," Dolphin muttered.
"And so am I," Terim replied. "But we already know that you're not a guy. I've seen it."
Zelas turned bright red. "I'm a Mazoku!"
"So my friend told me before our first date."
"He did?"
"Yep."
"I've killed thousands, millions!"
Terim scratches his head. "That may be true but..." And Terim began to sing again. "People say I'm crazy and that I am blind, risking it all in a glance."
The musicians in the bar began to pick up the tune.
"Don't care what is written in your history, as long as you're here with me."
Then Gaav, Dynast, and Fibrizo joined in as back-up singers.
"I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did, as long as you love me."
Zelas burst out crying again.
"What's wrong? Are the back-up singers out of tune?" Terim asked concerned.
"Hey!" protested the three Mazoku Lords.
"Why are you so perfect?" Zelas sobbed, throwing her arms around him crying.
"You think we should tell her?" Lei asked in a shadowy booth of the bar.
His companion shook her head.
"There, there," Terim soothed his distraught wife. "It's alright. No matter what happens, I'll always be here for you."
"What about your hand?" Fibrizo asked, poking the limp left hand.
"Oh that?" Terim snapped it back in place. "I'm double-jointed. And you're the people who have been spying on us ever since the wedding."
The Mazoku Lords sprouted sweatdrops.
"Exactly what is your relation to Zela?"
More sweatdrops. It looked like Terim still didn't know who his wife really was.