"Zelgadiss...san?"
He turned toward the vaguely familiar voice. Time had a way of dimming memories, a focused mind further discarded pieces of information that was not important. This young woman, a priestess by her dress, knew his name and that hinted at more than a passing acquaintance.
"Sylphiel...?"
"Yes, it's been a very long time hasn't it? Are you alright?"
"What do you mean?" he asked flatly.
"It's just that...Well, it isn't very polite of me to engage you in conversation like this. Perhaps you would join my family for dinner?"
He wanted to say no. He wanted to just turn around and leave, keeping that chapter of his life closed. There was no reason to return. Time goes on, and everything must follow with or without regrets.
"...where?"
Sylphiel beamed. "I'm sure you remember where my uncle's home is. I live with my husband three doors down. You don't like heavily seasoned food if I remember correctly."
"No, I don't."
"I'll be sure to cook a very delicious meal so you'd better eat some," teased the priestess.
He had heard words to that effect before, a long time ago. She took his silence to be agreement, which in most cases, it was. But he had changed, or liked to think he had changed since when he met her last. Nothing can remain the same after all before unyielding time.
"We'll be looking forward to seeing you tonight," waved the priestess as she continued down the busy streets of Saillune.
He never bothered returning her wave, barely even noting her departure. Why had he accepted that dinner invitation? He had no need for connections to the past, especially ones like Sylphiel. It wasn't that he held something against the priestess personally. Only that, she reminded him of himself, always loving but never able to have that love returned.
Make that, how she had been. She had mentioned a family, which meant she had married. So she finally got over Gourry. Most likely it was after Gourry married. And it was no secret who Gourry would have married.
But her phrasing had been odd, his overly critical mind noted. She had said 'we', implying her family, and 'seeing', implying that these were people who knew him. But Sylphiel had only traveled together with them for very brief intervals. No person came to mind that she might have married.
But what did he care? The only person he could depend on was himself. In the end, everyone was always alone.
He woke up, suddenly breaking from that dream. The same dream he had whenever he fell asleep. For anyone else, it would have been a trifle but for him, that dream was a torment. Nothing seemed to make it go away, it would pierce drug-induced slumber and meditation alike. Just because of that, he figured it was unnatural, that he was being shown something.
Looking out the window, he noticed that the sun had half set. Sylphiel would be expecting him soon. Sylphiel and her...family. Did he really want to go through with this? Did he really want to see a family, a real family? Old scars lay deep, he hadn't forgotten what happened to his own family.
There was no reason to go. He had decided to cut off all ties to his past. Given his absence, it would be relatively easy to start as a blank slate, a new face. He didn't care to find out what had happened to everyone. Sentimental nonsense that he had no use for.
"Zelgadiss-san!"
He blinked. Somehow, during his mental debate, he had dressed and managed to make his way to Sylphiel's home. Or at least, he assumed it was Sylphiel's home despite the other cheerful face greeting him at the doorway.
"What are you doing here?"
"That's cold, Zelgadiss-san," Amelia chided, as she pulled the old friend inside. "I can't believe you never let us know you were alive. I almost accused Sylphiel-san of being a liar!"
A part of him wanted to ask why any of them would want to know whether he lived or died. Another part advised him to shut up else he'd end up in a night-long tirade about friendship and love and justice. A third part asked how Amelia even knew he was here and was rudely informed by the fourth part that Sylphiel had obviously gotten in contact with the princess. The last thing he needed was for Gourry to be here as well.
"Come back here!"
Light laughter floated through the cozy home as a small boy with a shock of blond hair and only in his birthday suit which was dripping wet raced into the room. Following closely behind was a not nearly as wet Gourry and a large fluffy towel.
"You want another bath?" Gourry growled as he caught the little scamp and wrapped him up.
"No! No bath!" shrieked the young boy, giggling. "No tickling!"
"We have a guest tonight and mommy's orders are bath. You don't want to get in trouble with mommy do you?"
His son shook his head furiously, sending water drops flying.
"That's a good boy. Now, you're going to get dressed in your good clothes and - "
The little boy who couldn't be more than a couple years old made a face. Bad enough he had to take a bath but now he had to wear those stiff good clothes that he couldn't get dirty?
"I would love to see you in your good clothes, Vandanes," Amelia smiled at Gourry's son. "Will you wear them for me?"
"Okay," grinned up the toddler, obviously smitten by the pretty lady. He squirmed out of his father's arms and up the stairs without the all-concealing towel.
"Thanks, Amelia," Gourry smiled gratefully before chasing after Vandanes to make sure he didn't put on his pants backwards or his shirt inside out.
"Vandanes is so cute. Almost makes me wish I had children."
"That child...Vandanes. He's...?"
"He's Gourry's son, second child. Their first was a girl, Shala, but she takes after her mother."
"..."
"It's just like old times," grinned the princess, noting the sinking mood of her old friend. "We're all here, just like in the beginning. Well, mostly here."
"Mostly?"
"Excuse me."
A young girl stood in the doorway between the dining room and the front room where Amelia was entertaining tonight's special guest. Her dark hair was perfectly combed, setting off her blue eyes which were the only features she inherited from her father.
"Dinner is ready."
"Thank you, Shala."
Shala? Gourry's daughter? But she didn't look anything like...
"Lina-san?"
Amelia exchanged glances with Gourry. Dinner had passed uneventfully, except for Vandanes's minor tantrum to sit next to the guest of honor. They had indirectly filled him in on everything that had happened, everything except for the one bit of information that he both wanted and did not want to know. Now, he, Amelia, and Gourry were seated in the front room before a crackling warm fire.
"This is certainly familiar," Amelia nervously shrugged. "Just like that winter we spent watching over a house in the woods."
"I thought you married Lina." It came out more as an accusation but the blond swordsman either didn't see it as such or ignored it.
"Where did you get that idea?"
Zelgadiss let the topic drop, not wanting to go into either why he thought so, or even worse, why he would even care. After all, all those times they traveled together, it was just a case of one using the other for personal gain. That was all.
"But I was really surprised when Sylphiel said she met you in town."
Amelia had said the same thing.
"You thought I was dead?"
"There were few survivors from that mage sea storm," Amelia said quietly, leaving the unspoken conclusion hanging in the strained air. "We knew that your stone skin would make it difficult to...survive in the sea."
"Well I did."
Neither of them pressed him for details about how he survived or what he had been doing since. He was glad they didn't because it wasn't something he wanted to divulge. But a deeply buried part of him was also saddened, that they didn't care enough to wonder.
"I asked earlier where Lina was. Seeing how all of you were here."
Amelia looked helplessly at Gourry. Marriage life seemed to suit the swordsman well since he picked up the hint.
"Zelgadiss. Lina wasn't among any of the survivors that were found."
She tasted the frying pieces of fish and grimaced. "That's hardly enough seasoning."
"It tastes just fine to me." Zelgadiss matched her exasperated look as they once again entered the debate over how to season the food.
"That's because your taste buds must be dead," she scowled, reaching for the spice rack.
"Oh no, you don't. You agreed to let me take care of the fish."
"That fish tastes like cardboard!"
"No it doesn't. You tend to over season things."
"I do not!"
Zelgadiss woke up.
He had fallen asleep without doing much else than laying his sword. Why did he keep dreaming about that time? Always those dreams about that lodge would plague him, that light in the window that no one left on when they departed. Perhaps Lina had been right. There was a ghost there and somehow it had left its touch on him.
There was one way to solve that, he thought grimly, buckling on his sword and ignoring the stiffness from last night's uncomfortable sleep. Last night he had reached the small town too late to consider going up to lodge. If his memory didn't fail him, there was a nasty ravine from an earthquake directly in the path of the place. It claimed several victims each year.
He didn't mind joining the dead. But he wouldn't do it while this nightmare that drove away even those wretched dreams of Rezo plagued him. If these dreams somehow gave a ghost power over him, dying could bring him completely under that ghost's control. Zelgadiss felt he had too little control over his own life as it was.
Pulling his hood over his face, he went downstairs. Because of the hour last night, the innkeeper hadn't got a very good look at his face. Usually, Zelgadiss wouldn't stay at a normal inn when he traveled alone. It was partially his own choice, not wanting to attract attention, but also partially because respectable innkeepers were wary of giving out rooms to monsters.
"Good morning."
Zelgadiss only nodded in reply. He had a vague feeling he has seen this innkeeper before. Well he should have. They probably stayed here a night after Lina had been spooked by that candlelight.
"...lina." Could she really have died from that storm at sea? It would have been her own fault for insisting on going on the voyage to explore the other continent. He didn't want her to go. But he hadn't protested much when she as usual got her way.
"I beg your pardon?" The Innkeeper looked up from wiping the countertop.
"I was wondering if there was anything unusual happening in this town." Perhaps he could find some answers to these disturbing dreams before going up. Like, why him?
"Unusual? No, can't really say so. Pretty quiet place, but I wouldn't have it any other way."
"So there isn't anything new."
"Nope. Pardon my asking but haven't you been here before?"
Zelgadiss debated on how to answer that. "Once. With three others."
"That's right. You four actually agreed to stay in that place in the woods for a month."
That place...the lodge.
"Was there something wrong with that?"
"Oh no. Nothing wrong with staying there. Just people around here are a bit wary of the place. They're proud of the local legend, but they're just as happy that it's up there in the woods and not down here in town."
"They're afraid of ghosts?"
The Innkeeper shrugged. "I don't know if there any ghosts there, perhaps just people's imagination."
"I see." Zelgadiss reached for the door.
"If you're going up there, I think I should warn you."
"I already know about the ravine," Zelgadiss said coolly.
"No, it wasn't the ravine I was talking about. Someone bought the place over a year ago. A real eccentric but she keeps to herself."
He easily followed the footsteps of years past, keeping to the path cleared many years ago. The bridge across the ravine was a newer fixture, it had taken the town sometime to find another carpenter again. As he approached the lodge, he noticed that the new owner was taking very good care of the place. The plaque was even bright and shiny, proudly displaying its name in curving script.
Standing on the front porch of the lodge, Zelgadiss debated on exactly how was he going to do this. He didn't mind doing this secretly, he could come and go and the new owner would never know the difference. It would be less trouble though if he could convince the owner to let him do some private investigations but it was unlikely she was going to give permission.
"Excuse me. I think I'm being haunted by a ghost here. Do you mind if I look around?"
Hah. Like that was going to work.
"No, I don't mind."
Zelgadiss whirled around, old habits pushing him to be on guard. Why hadn't he heard anyone coming?
Standing on the edge of the path was a young lady carrying a basket of berries. She must have been in the forest gathering them. Her bright smile never wavered as she walked up to him and the lodge.
"Come in, please."
Warily, Zelgadiss followed her inside. There was something very wrong about this but he had that feeling that he wouldn't find out what unless he went along with her. Maybe his search for the elusive ghost wouldn't be so difficult after all. The question should really be what was the ghost up to.
"Would you like some tea?"
"No. I want some answers."
"I beg your pardon?"
Zelgadiss grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. She was older true, but still very much the same. That slim build, that child-like face, that bright red hair that tumbled down her back. Her wide red eyes looked curiously into his narrowed ones.
"Why are you sending me those dreams?" he asked tightly. "Why are you wearing her form?"
The cheerfulness disappeared briefly before returning with a resigned air. She looked down, not meeting his gaze.
"I suppose I couldn't fool you. Would you please let go of my arm? I can not feel pain but I'm sure you've left several bruises on this body."
Almost guiltily, he released her before processing what she said.
"You're possessing someone."
"Naturally." She sat down and gestured for Zelgadiss to do the same. "I wouldn't be able to do much otherwise."
"Who?"
"You already know."
His throat dried. "Impossible."
"If you believe so."
"Lina died."
'Lina' tilted her head to aside and thought. "I don't really know what happened, nor do I care. My concerns are only for this house and...him."
"Your long lost carpenter?" he asked snidely.
Her eyes narrowed.
"I don't care for you or him. Get out of Lina's body."
"I can't do that."
"You mean you won't."
She shrugged. "What difference does it make? You can not force me to leave."
"Are you so sure?" Zelgadiss said menacingly.
"Of course. I have been here for so long. And now that I have the chance to finally be free, I am not going to lose. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want."
"You..."
"Don't give me that look, Zelgadiss. Aren't you the same? I did overhear your conversations of searching for a cure."
He gritted his teeth. "What does Lina have to do with getting whatever it is you want?"
"She is the first I've been able to possess freely. Perhaps it is because we are of like mind."
"I find that hard to believe."
She shrugged. "As to what I want, you learned that back then as well."
"That carpenter? Surely you realize that he must be long dead by now!"
"Probably. Time has lost all meaning to me. But I know he is out there, trying to come back to me. I don't know why he can't come but now that I can leave this lodge's confines, I'm going to find him. Then we'll both be free," she sighed.
Lina had been right. This depth of love, if it was even that, was terrifying. How could it be possible that humans, basically selfish creatures, can put aside everything just for one person. It seemed as too big a burden.
"Where is Lina then?"
"...sleeping would be the best way of describing it."
"You forced her into this."
"Not really. I entered her because I could but she didn't reject me. As I said, we are kindred spirits in a way."
Zelgadiss glowered at this person who wasn't Lina. "How long are you planning on remaining in her body?"
"As long as necessary. I suppose this is where you can help me," she smiled. "While in her body, I can't see or sense him though I know he is out there somewhere. Perhaps you can."
"Then why don't you get out of Lina?"
"I need her in order to leave this lodge."
"You honestly think I would help you? That's why you brought me here?" Zelgadiss snorted, crossing his arms.
"You will. If you wish to help your...friend."
"If you're trying to use Lina's life as a bargaining chip, it won't work."
Liar.
"You should be more honest with yourself. But I think you will. The longer she remains asleep, the harder it will be to wake her up. Eventually, she will completely disappear."
"Humph. Will these dreams stop once you're gone?"
"A conclusion will be reached."
"I didn't think ghosts could be this cryptic. Or talkative."
"I am not an ordinary ghost."
"Is this the correct way?"
"There's something this way."
"Excuse me."
"What?" he asked exasperated.
"Could you help me down?"
It wasn't even a large drop, perhaps several feet. Lina could clear it easily and probably would have punched out anyone who even thought she needed help. The ghost, he refused to call her Lina, stood hesitantly at the edge of the drop.
Rolling his eyes, he held out a hand to her. Nervously, she took it and tried to slowly make her way down. Which obviously didn't work on such soft soil. Despite himself, Zelgadiss quickly pulled the unbalanced girl toward him, bringing them eye to eye.
For what seemed to be an eternity, they remained that way. Then he brusquely turned away, letting go of her hand.
"You can't do anything."
"I'm just a normal girl."
Zelgadiss snorted as he continued making his way toward that something he sensed. "Lina could handle herself easily."
"I'm not Lina."
That ended any conversation for all of three minutes.
"So what do you think about..."
"Nothing!"
"I didn't even finish my question. I was going to ask about the dreams. Seeing how you don't like them, I don't think you consider them nothing. What did you think I was talking about?" she smiled.
"Why ask about the dreams when you're sending them?" he asked back, hoping to derail her from her current train of thought.
She let him avoid the question. For now. "I'm not sending them. I was quite surprised when I saw you on the porch of the lodge."
"Who else would be sending them to me?" he demanded, turning around to face her. "Who else would keep sending me dreams of what happened during that month we spent in Rosewood Lodge? Amelia and Gourry didn't even think I was alive. They didn't even think Lina was alive. Other than us four, you were the only one there!"
She took in his sudden rage calmly. "Perhaps no one is sending them."
He snorted.
"Perhaps they are a product of your own mind. Perhaps you want to remember those times."
"Why would I do that?" he retorted, walking away again.
"Why do you try so hard to convince yourself that you don't care?"
"I don't."
"You're not being truthful."
"You're a lie detector as well?"
"Why else would you turn away? You aren't afraid to say what you want."
"I thought you wanted to find your carpenter love."
"I do. But I feel sorry for Lina, that she may end up the same way as me."
"The person she loves married someone else."
"That isn't what I heard."
Zelgadiss forced himself to keep walking as the ghost continued to talk.
"I did say we were kindred spirits. But she couldn't admit to her feelings. So she put up a mask to present the world as she destroyed herself inside. If I hadn't interfered, she would have lost everything."
"Making yourself as the humanitarian now aren't you."
"She didn't resist me because she had an idea of how I felt. She let me take over because she didn't want to deal with it. I told her that I may be able to find him, and she let me take the opportunity to try."
"That doesn't sound like the Lina I know."
"Your feelings can make you into a different person. That's what she thought of you."
"We're here," he interrupted, not wanting to get any further in this discussion. The something he had been sensing was here.
"Is it..."
At first he couldn't see it. But slowly, he could distinguish a bending of light near the base of a tree. If it had been human, he could have imagined it holding its knees to its chest and shivering. Zelgadiss frowned as the haziness that was the something begin to stir.
"There's something. But I'm not sure what."
"Where?"
"At the base of that tree."
The haziness began to become sharper, an old soldier uniform beneath a thin jacket. It wouldn't stop shivering. Perhaps he had died of cold, lost in the forests during winter. The ghost fell to her knees before the tree and tried to grab hold of what she couldn't see. The haziness did the same, trying to touch what he sensed was he had waited so long for.
"So close," the ghost murmured, tears of frustration trailing down her face.
"Why don't you leave Lina and go to him?"
"I can't! If I leave her, I'll immediately be drawn back to Rosewood. But I can't touch him like this!"
The haziness futilely tried to comfort his love. His vacant eyes looked up at Zelgadiss and begged a favor that he had no voice to ask.
"Oh, no. I am not giving myself over to possession," Zelgadiss said firmly. "This is as far as I agreed to help."
"Zelgadiss, a conclusion hasn't been reached. Please, just this one last favor," pleaded the ghost, looking at him with eyes that were and were not Lina's.
"Why would he want to possess the body of a freak?"
"Haven't you realized it yet? We don't look at the outside but the small light that shines within. That never changes and always brings us together."
He closed his eyes, that candlelight from his dreams burning in his mind. "You think I will buy that romantic nonsense."
"You wanted a release from your dreams didn't you? Do this then for yourself if not for us. If you can understand what you see then, the dreams will no longer torment you."
Why? Why would he give his body over to someone else so he could be with his love in ways Zelgadiss never allowed himself to even imagine he could be? And the fact that it was with Lina...He should refuse. He should turn around right now, find a priest or priestess and have them banish this ghost. Who cares if they had been a doomed couple? He didn't care. Right?
Wordlessly, he held out his hand to the haziness. Slowly, hesitantly, the haziness extended his own hand until they touched. The coldness seeped up his arm and spread all of over him. Zelgadiss fought to keep his mental defenses from rejecting the intruder. He began to fall into darkness as control over his own body left him.
Fear and panic suddenly overwhelmed him, painful memories of his transformation by his own great-grandfather making him lash out. Until he heart those three words he never thought he would ever say. Zelgadiss remembered. And he let go, falling deeper into the darkness.
It seemed like an eternity that he had been here. He couldn't tell if he was still falling as before. There wasn't anything. Was this how it was for Lina? No wonder she could lose herself from extended possession.
What was it the ghost had said? That he would find the answer behind the dreams here. But where would it be in here where there was nothing, only darkness not even pierced by a spark of light.
A small light burning within. Like a candle on the window sill of the Rosewood Lodge. Like her smile, like her laughter, like her. She was a light but he was nothing. He had no light, only darkness.
He ran a hand through his soft hair, cursing the capricious fates.
Soft?
Zelgadiss looked at his hand, at the pale skin covering it. The hair that fell over his face was light violet and silky. Impossible. He was cured?! No, no he wasn't. This wasn't his physical self but his own concept of himself inside.
Then it hit him, figuratively of course. He could see himself, even in this darkness. How come? There wasn't any light. Unless it came from within. But what light did he have? What light could he give?
"Why do you try so hard to convince yourself that you don't care?"
Because it hurt to care. It was better to hide it, to shroud it with darkness than let that fragile flame be extinguished by the harsh winds of rejection. He didn't want to feel that exposed, that vulnerable.
But one small flame proved stronger than hundreds of layers of stone. The more he tried to hide it, the more that other flame tried to get to him, to free his own light. All this time, he refused to acknowledge it. Could that flame really be for him?
Did she...
The darkness shattered.
Zelgadiss found himself somewhere beneath an endless expanse of clear blue sky. The vibrant green hills rolled on and on with nice shady trees scattered everywhere. He began to walk, putting one foot in front of the other. His mind knew where he was going shortly after his heart acknowledged it.
She was there, sleeping at the foot of one of the trees. Softly, he knelt next to her. Her sleep was calm though the glistening trails down her face showed that she had cried. Had it been for him? Had it been because of him?
Hesitantly, he reached to wipe away those tears but froze as she stirred slightly in her slumber. He wanted to awaken her, to finally appear before her as he wanted her to see him. But if he woke her here, she'd never awaken in the real world again. Somehow, he knew that.
"Not yet, Lina," he said softly, allowing himself one stroke of her hair. "Not yet, but soon."
Lina woke up.
"Did I fall asleep?"
The lodge was silent which was only natural. She was the only one living here, had been living here over the past year. After that disaster at sea, she had washed up ashore and was taken in by an elderly couple. When Lina had been strong enough to travel again, she immediately headed north. She ignored everything, trying to find any news about the sinking and any survivors. The news she found hadn't been good.
Oddly enough, she eventually found herself here. The Rosewood Lodge still remained empty as the property holders didn't want to remove themselves from town. On a whim, she bought it, deed and all, without bargaining. Ever since, she had settled down to live here. Several times the notion that perhaps she should go home crossed her mind.
But where was home?
"Thinking again," Lina snorted. "I'm going to think myself into an early grave."
The fires in the kitchen had reduced to glowing coals so Lina stirred them up and added more fuel. It was late fall and the night tended to get chilly. She never liked the cold.
Lina used some of the fire from the kitchen to start the large fireplace in the common room. It wasn't necessary but she felt more comfortable when the lodge was bright and warm. At least, it helped alleviate her sense of loneliness.
It was always those dreams, dreaming that somehow he may have survived. And that he had come back to find her. Romantic silly notions that she didn't pay too much attention to if not because she didn't believe in them, then because she didn't want to hope too much. But if she didn't believe in romantic, silly notions, what was she doing here?
"It feels...lonely here," Lina murmured. It was odd. She felt more lonely than usual, as if something that had always been here was gone. "But that's silly."
As silly as lighting a candle and putting it in the window where it could be clearly seen by anyone down the path. It was only coincidence that she placed the candle exactly where she saw it so many years ago when she and everyone left the lodge for what they thought was for good.
"I'm going to burn this place down someday."
Lina adjusted the curtains to make sure they didn't fall onto the single flame. As usual, she could see the reflection of the ivory curtains against the window. She could see herself, oddly more somber and contemplative than her younger days. She could see that some of the ivory in the window wasn't from the curtain's reflection.
"A traveler? At this hour?"
Her breath caught in her throat as the person garbed in ivory that stood out in the early twilight came closer. Could it be? This wasn't another dream. Was it?
Lina ran out the door, oblivious to the sharp late fall chill piercing her thin clothes. The traveler seemed to stop and that alone urged her to run faster. How many times has this happened? This dream that would vanish once she tried to touch it?
"I don't care. I don't care if you're only a dream."
She threw her arms around him, knowing that by doing so, she'll end this dream like she's ended so many others over the months. But if only for the chance, for that brief moment when she could feel him before he vanished away again, it was worth it.
"Just...stay."
It was warm. This dream was warm. And here. This wasn't a dream. He was real, he was warm, he was here. Lina tightened her arms around him, almost unable to believe that after all of this time, he wasn't a dream that would disappear if she let go.
"You...you're here. You're really here."
"I'm sorry it took so long."
Lina shook her head. "But how did you know where..."
He looked up at the cheerfully glowing light in the warm lodge at the end of the path. "The light, your light, showed me the way. In my dreams, in my mind, you were always there guiding me...here."
A brisk wind reminded them that neither nature nor time waits for anyone. She shivered from the chill but she didn't mind as much since he was here for her. It helped that he enfolded her in his cloak, keeping her near.
"So, the lodge is waiting," Lina grinned.
His grin answered hers. "Yes. Let's go...home."