Zelgadiss turned the corner of the school building to find his path obstructed by a number of the 'bad boys' on campus. 'Bad Boy' was the name given to any delinquents in school who usually dressed sloppily with shirttails out and jacket open, had hair not cut short, and tended to pick fights. When Valgaav came to school, he set a new standard by being bad and successful in school.
Zel was quite certain he wasn't going to be asked about study tips by this group. There could only be two reasons why they wanted him. One was that they wanted a fight. If that was the case, they had to be newbies since he usually only needed to beat the crap out of them once. And if it was two...
"Hey there, heard the high and mighty honors student was getting something hot and heavy up in the classroom," Bad Boy A smirked, leaning toward Zelgadiss with a knowing look.
Yes, it was reason number two.
"She's not as busty as most girls but some guys say the small, feisty ones make up more for the lack. So tell me, was she fun?"
Zelgadiss looked coldly into Bad Boy A's hormone clouded eyes. He jerked his head back toward the corner he just came around. "Ask them."
Several guys exchanged elbow nudges and winks. Zelgadiss simply walked away, he already knew what they would see there. That would be the pile of boys who had asked the same question earlier. Perhaps he should drop by the nurse's station and tell Filia about them.
Well, that would be after he dropped by the lab of a certain pair of relatives that he knew to be quite skillful with non-magical stuff and had many mischievous hands. If he had been living in the sprawling family house most of his family lived in, he could have tried confronting them face-to-face. But if Zel had tried to drop by the house last night to talk to them, his mother probably would have glomped onto him and never let go until it was time for school.
You'd think she didn't have two other younger kids to take care of with the way she acted. For that matter, why was his entire immediate and extended family so interested in him anyway? If Zel-watching was a professional sport, his family would all qualify as pros.
"Hey! Kitzero! Rezo! Twiddle-dumb! Twiddle-blind! Where are you two crack cases?" Zelgadiss yelled into the empty expanse of sinks, lab tables, labeled and unlabeled glassware, emergency showers and eyewash stands, relatives posing as upright lamps... "You can't hide from me with stupid disguises like that!!"
Zelgadiss tore off the lampshade Kitzero was wearing on his head. Actually, Zel tipped it off since his uncle, and great-grandfather, were both over a foot taller than he was. Another reason why he didn't like family reunions and such, everyone except Terisa and Jedah were much taller than he was.
Kitzero's face was streaming tears. "Zel-kun, how can you say such cruel things to your favorite uncle?"
"You're my only uncle. And I'm only stating the plain, undecorated truth. Everyone knows Rezo is blinder than a bat. At least it has echo location!"
"I resent that remark," came Rezo's voice from somewhere in the room. There were sounds of glassware breaking as it, through no fault of its own, got in the way of Rezo's searching hands. Rezo is quite the absent-minded professor in this story isn't he?
"But I'm not dumb," wailed Kitzero. Oi, is he really older than Zelgadiss? Just by the way he was acting, Zel wondered if his uncle had actually found a potion to age regress the mind without touching the body.
"Whatever. Homeroom is coming up soon so I want a quick and truthful answer before the bell. Did you yesterday use one of your untested, crazy chemical potions in my classroom during lunch?"
"No," his uncle sniffed and blew loudly on a handkerchief that was discolored from a number of chemical splashes. Zelgadiss wasn't too surprised when next he saw Kitzero's nose, it was a bright lime green.
"Did Rezo or someone else do it?"
"Well - "
The bell rung.
"No."
Zelgadiss gave his uncle a look, the kind he used to get from his mother when he said he wasn't stealing any cookies but he saw a rat jump into the cookie jar and his hand got stuck trying to pull it out.
"That wasn't the truth was it?"
"Yes."
"Are you lying to me?"
"No. Zel-kun, Xelloss is going to mark you tardy and that will give Zelas-neesan an excuse to call you to her office." Heck, Zelas took just about any misconduct, no matter how minor, as an excuse to see her son. That was why Zel was to all appearances, a model student. Things like those beaten up students behind the building couldn't be linked to him. Wonder if anyone found them yet. Well, too late to drop by Filia's station now. Damn it, I know Kitzero and Rezo are behind what happened yesterday but unless I get complete, condemning evidence I can't do anything about. Probably couldn't get anything done even if I did, Zel thought sourly as he zipped to class.
Xelloss felt the refreshing breeze snap past him and reform as a indolent blue-skinned youth sitting in his desk just as roll was being checked. The teacher smiled indulgently. He knew where Zel-kun had been and he wouldn't put it past that Kitzero to be the root of the incidents yesterday. Now if he could only find the newfangled chemist's grunt that was actually doing the dirty work perhaps he could strike a side deal.
Xelloss was in the middle of expounding on the utter idiocy of a historical king who was known in legends for his foolishness in challenging a sealed demon king.
"Being turned into a living ball of flesh that is constantly tearing itself up internally and reforming was the least punishment he could get for such complete imbecility. After all, if he was killed instantly as one would normally expect from such circumstances, his death would be quick and painless and there would really be no lesson to be learned since everything is all over. So by cursing him to live in unceasing agony, not only is being sadistically punished, he is also a living example for other people not to attempt the same."
A good half of the class was looking more than a tad green. The teacher simply kept right on describing in detail what had happened to the king in question, apparently determined to send his students either to the window or to the nurse's station at warp speed.
Well something was doing warp speed, but it was in the opposite direction.
"Oh, Xelloss!!" the school nurse cried, breaking down the door and grabbing the teacher in a bear, or in this case, dragon hug in one swoop. Because Xelloss didn't have the necessary mass, their combined momentum sent them crashing into the wall of the class opposite the door. "How are you, dear? You haven't been staying up all night because of Gaav's parties have you? Let me look at you. I'm so sorry for kicking you out. You're coming home right now."
Everyone, even the nauseated students who were now no longer so because jaw-dropping shock is a great medicine, stared at their teacher and school nurse. Around a school that is as unstable as Slayers HS, there were some givens that were never ever to be broken.
One was that Xelloss and Filia NEVER got along.
"Perhaps I ate some bad cheese or something but it looks to me that Xelloss and Filia are getting along really well," Lina muttered, half hanging out of her desk because her elbow had slipped from the desk's edge during her shock. "And what's this about 'coming home'?"
"Well, Xelloss is married..." Valgaav looked around at about five girls in class who had suddenly fallen out of their chairs. A number more had collapsed outside of the room. "What happened to them?"
"I guess the news of Xelloss being married was too much for them," Zelgadiss commented distractedly, turning a page in the text on '101 Popular Curses and How To Undo Them'.
"You don't seem so surprised," noted Lina.
"Of course, I knew he was married. I had to be the ring bearer," he grimaced as the memory resurfaced.
"Awww, Zel in a little tux, how cute," the redhead teased, causing Zel to turn as red as her hair.
Valgaav was seeing red, no it wasn't Lina's hair nor was it Zel's face. Why was Lina always paying so much attention to that walking statue? [At least, that's the way it looked to him. Jealousy can blow personal perspectives out of the water.] She thought the freak looked cute as a kid huh? Well, he'll prove he was even cuter.
"Hey, Lina - "
"Inhaling helium isn't going to impress anyone but a little kid, Valgaav," Lina snorted, not even bothering to turn around.
Valgaav reached up to pull her hair to force her to look at him. Wait, reach up? He suddenly noticed how he didn't need to slouch to keep from looking over her head. In fact, his feet weren't even touching the ground.
Valgaav touched his face.
And he screamed.
As a rule, young men, teenagers and up, don't scream. They may yell their lungs out at sport games but they do not scream. Young boys however are quite entitled to scream due to their higher voices.
All eyes that hadn't already averted themselves from the embarrassing scene of Filia trying to coddle a squirming Xelloss were finally drawn away to look at Valgaav, who was now literally a bad 'boy'.
There was an eight-year-old aqua-haired boy with a slim horn growing out from the top of his head, sitting Valgaav's seat and almost lost amidst the folds of the now much too big school clothes. He was staring, okay gawking at his now very young hands. This wasn't what he meant when he said he would prove he was the cuter kid!
[Really should watch what you wish for huh? Hah! As if that was all there was to it. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. That and Lina would have a larger bust size and be the most powerful and richest sorceress in the world and Zel wouldn't be a walking statue anymore and I just can't stop going off on tangents now can I?]
"Okay, that's it!" Zelgadiss slammed his book closed. He picked up Val by the scruff of his collar, ignoring the kid's protests about being treated like a sack of potatoes. Tucking the boy under one arm, Zel walked purposely toward the door. There he paused. "Filia," he smiled evilly, "Why don't you take Xelloss home right now?"
"A very good idea, I think darling isn't looking well. Don't worry, I'll make sure you'll be all better soon. Bye everyone," Filia said cheerfully, throwing a panicking Xelloss over one shoulder and carrying him out.
Zelgadiss would have loved to watch the entire walk home but he had a pair of generationally separated twins to deal with. He conked Valgaav on head. "Stop kicking before I drop you."
"You think you're so big and bad picking on little people huh? Well take this-ITAI!!" Valgaav had made the mistake of kicking Zelgadiss and he didn't even have shoes to blunt the pain. He almost began to say words that peel pain but then Lina appeared, matching Zel step for step.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"Wherever you are. You know what's going on don't you?"
"Definitely," Zelgadiss growled as he ignored the formality and even the effort of opening the door. He just kicked it. It fell with a satisfying THUD. "You CAN NOT tell me you don't have anything to do with this now!!"
"Good afternoon, Nephew. Why, is that your son under your arm?"
"NO HE IS NOT!!" Zel pushed kid Valgaav into Kitzero's face. "I know you have potions that do this. Now undo *this* and stop all of your madcap experiments!!"
"But Zel-kun, we aren't doing any experiments," Kitzero said truthfully, hanging Valgaav by his clothes from a coat hook. "On my word, Grandfather and I haven't taken a step out of this lab for the last week."
"Zelgadiss? Is this you?"
Lina shrieked as someone suddenly wrapped his arms around her. Zelgadiss and Kitzero just stared as the person began to realize his mistake while he made more mistakes.
"Hmm, no, I don't think anyone mentioned that you've grown breasts or long hair. Or is this a recent acquisition?"
"Why you..." Lina's eyes were aflame with the fires of hell. "How dare you touch a heavenly, virtuous maiden such as myself??" She grabbed the groping pervert and hurled him into Kitzero.
"Heavenly? Virtuous? Have an inflated view of ourselves I see."
"Can it, Zel."
"Oh great, don't tell me these are more clones," Lina said disgustedly, her arms crossed, as she watched the 'twins' untangle their mess of limbs.
"No, just a generation gap."
"Hey, who turned out all of the lights?" muttered one of them. "Can't see a bloody thing."
"Oh owwww, damn, what's so bright?" the other blinked, revealing a pair of green eyes that were oddly lost and confused. He looked around as if he was seeing everything for the first time.
"Okay, the joke's over. Turn the lights back on!!" grumbled the other one, arms stretched out in front of him to keep him from walking into anything.
Lina and Zel just watched.
Kitzero's green eyes fixed on Zelgadiss and widened. "My gods, is that what happened to you? I really must have a talk with Vandamar. That was completely irresponsible of him to send his grandson a gift that would curse him like this. Still, tell me, exactly how hard are you?"
"Zel, STOP!!" Lina yelled, holding back the enraged student from physically assaulting the teacher with a lab stool.
"And is this the girl we've been trying to set you up with? Yes, on the cute side, hot-tempered, stronger than she looks, a good choice to try to break you out of your shell, pardon the expression."
"Wait, I get it. Grandfather, I don't know what you did but you can stop the blindness now. We'll stop poking fun at your blindness, for maybe a day or two, so take off this blindness condition!"
Zel blinked. Did Rezo just say 'Grandfather'? And Kitzero said 'Vandamar' instead of 'Father'. It couldn't be...they couldn't have... "Rezo. Kitzero. Stand still. When I say your name, raise your hand."
"Now really boy, you aren't in grade school anymore."
"Just do it!!" Great-grandfther and uncle fell into position. "Kitzero." Rezo raised his hand. "Rezo...?" Kitzero raised his hand.
"And this means...?" Lina prompted.
"They've switched bodies."
Kitzero and Rezo blinked.
"Yes!!!"
They tried to high-five but Kitzero in Rezo's body missed and tripped over a lab stool. Rezo in Kitzero's body, having never really experience eye-to-hand coordination, over-balanced and fell on top of his nephew.
"Damn it. I didn't see any potions fall on them which means that the potion must have been delivered through another medium, perhaps the same that all of the others were. Could it be possible that it isn't them? Or is it a third party contracted through them? But why would that person dump a potion on their own employers?" Zelgadiss looked at the comedic chemistry duo. He sweatdropped as they tried to stand up. "Knowing those two, they probably didn't exclude themselves from the testing population. So how is it being delivered?"
From one of the open windows near the top of the chemistry lab, Chaos (she got tired of being called sharpshooter, true as it is) took out one of the heart-labeled bullets. She loaded it into the rifle and smirked down at the unsuspecting walking targets.
Settling into position, she set her sights on the target.
"You never know when or where Cupid's Arrow is going to strike," she purred as she pulled the trigger.
"Ow!!" Lina exclaimed as something struck right on the brow, knocking her backwards. Something wet was dripping down her face. Gods, she hoped it wasn't blood as she gingerly opened her eyes to look at her hand. Nope, nothing but some slightly pink fluid.
"What happened?"
Lina looked up...