Ever notice that there are some days when it's just not worth getting out of bed?
"AH-CHOO!"
And then there are those days where you can't get out of bed. Well fear not! For you are not alone - you share company with the elite, the terrible, the -
"AH-CHOO! AARRGH!!" the young boy huffed, falling back against his pillows.
The very sick Hellmaster.
Phibby sniffled under his covers, wiping his nose with his sleeves as many eon old children are wont to do. Today was not his day, nor had any day been his day since Mother 'grounded' him - by grounded we of course mean kill, but hey, that's a technicality. Being L-sama's Gopher was not fun, it was always Phibrizo go for this and Phibby-kun get that!
Sniffle And now he, the Controller of Death, the Strongest of all Shabranigdo's General's was held in the grips of a miserable, blasted, down right ignorant COLD! A COLD! NOT PNEUMONIA OR THE BUBONIC PLAGUE, BUT A FREAKING F@#&ing COLD!
"AH-CHOO!" Grr... he was in hell Stupid Lina Inverse. Stupid Mom punishing him for his JOB! Didn't she SAY she wanted the world destroyed? Wasn't that WHY she set him out to kill things? Why was HE being punished for -
" - You Still Have Those Thundercat Sheets, Phibrizo?"
Oh, how embarrassing! "E-E-E-EL-sama!" the Hellmaster blushed/stammered, hiding under his childish covers from the Golden Creator he called 'Mom'.
"Oh, Relax," L-sama giggled. That's right, giggled, materializing a chair to sit in. "I Just Came To Make You Feel Better."
"Really?" he squeaked suspiciously, green eyes staring into Eternity.
Smirking, L-sama snapped her long fingers and a book fell out of the air and onto her son.
"OOF!" Unfortunately, it landed on a developing region o his body. Take it as you will.
"Oops."
"What's this?" the mazoku groaned, inspecting the book. "'The Sorceress Bride?'"
"I Thought I Should Read A Story To My Sick Little Boy."
"...What's your angle here?"
"My Angle Is I Say So."
"Fair enough," he yelped before the gold energy cold sick him. "But I am mazoku so it won't help if it's all, y'know, yucky nice emotions," he whined, feeling cranky.
"Ah, But There's Pain, Violence And Torture!"
Why don't I believe you?
"I Heard That."
"erk!"
"Now Shut Up. I'm Reading."
And lo, Phibby did as he was told.
"Let Us Begin, 'The Sorceress Bride, Ch. 1. - Lina Grew Up On A Small Farm On The Outskirts Of Zephilia - "
"THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT THAT STUPID BI - "
"SHUT UP!!!!!"
"yes, ma'am."
"Yeesh, You Try To Be Nice... Ahem. 'Lina', Yadda Yadda... 'Her Favorite Pastimes Included Practicing Her Magic, Eating, Avoiding Her Chores And Tormenting The Farm Boy Xelloss, Whom She Dubbed 'Fruitcake''."
Phibby snorted.
"'Although Lina Enjoyed Bossing Everyone Around, Telling Xelloss What To Do Ushered and Unexplainable Pleasure.'"
"I'll bet."
"And That Is ENOUGH From The Peanut Gallery!"
"Yo, Fruitcake," a slight redhead called, smoothing her hands on her course dress as she entered the barn. "You did wash my saddle, didn't you?"
A curious head with a silly and amused face peeked out from the stall he was cleaning, a few pieces of straw poking out of his strait violet hair. "Sore wa himitsu desu."
"Weirdo," Lina muttered, brushing past him to retrieve a pail before she left the barn.
"'Sore Wa Himitsu Desu' Was All He Ever Said To Her."
"Fruitcake?" Lina yelled, rushing out of her tiny house. "Have you filled those buckets with water yet?"
Sighing, the young man in question stopped chopping wood, and laid the ax down. Slowly, he turned to face her, the setting sun complementing his features just so as his amethyst irises made a rare appearance to stare into her crimson soul. "Sore wa... himitsu desu."
"Fi-Fireball!!"
BOOM!!
"Fruitcake!" the peasant girl screeched, running back to the house so he wouldn't see her blush.
"I think she likes me!" Xelloss giggled from under his pile of ruble. Well, there went the firewood. The thought sent him into giggles all over again and there he lay for several minutes, any passerby might of thought he was having a seizure.
"And On That Very Day, Lina Was Shocked To Learn That When Xelloss Said 'Sore Wa Himitsu Desu', What He Meant Was 'I Love You'."
"Mother!"
"Hush, Child!"
"I thought that Lina liked that swordsman guy - "
"I Am The Lord Of Nightmares, And This Is MY Alternate Reality, Dammit!"
"Okay, okay!"
Grumble "But Even More Amazing Was The Moment She Realized That She Truly Loved Him Back."
The sound of clothes rustling and wood clattering caught Lina's attention from her cooking. Xelloss said, nothing, just stared at her through his closed eyes, dropped the firewood and turned to leave.
"Fruitcake?" she called, almost softly.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the youth turned to face her, still staying oddly silent.
Lina haughtily jerked her head towards a container above her head. "Aren't you going to get me that pitcher?"
His silly grin replaced by a deeper, more in depth smirk, Xelloss strode towards the short girl, taking great pains to slowly retrieve the object and lean down by her face. "Sore wa... himitsu desu," he breathed into her blushing ear.
Now beet red, Lina quickly shoved him away and stomped back to her cooking, a small smile still playing her lips.
"Blech! Mother, this is gross! How is this supposed to make me feel better?!!" Phibby groaned, hiding under the covers as L-sama described (in graphic detail) the development and showing of Lina and Xelloss' relationship.
L-sama smiled and continued reading. "As A Farm Worker, Xelloss Did Not Have Much Money For Marriage. Due To This And The Fact Lina Had Quite A Tendency To Cause Property Damage, The Young Man Decided To Go Out Into The World To Seek His Fortune. Although She Would Not Admit It, It Was A Difficult And Emotional Time For Lina."
The goodbye was nothing if not awkward, Xelloss with his pack slung over one shoulder and Lina standing a few feet away, watching the sun set. The whole week she had been overly cheerful, enunciating how peaceful the farm would be and how much more food would be left for her.
But now he was actually leaving.
And it was so hard.
"Well, I'm leaving now, Lina-chan," Xelloss quietly stated, understanding how the fiery girl worked.
"...Xelloss?"
"Yes?"
"You... are coming back aren't you?" she finally asked, so quietly that he could scarcely hear her. Her eyes never left the sunset until his drew her up into his warm arms. Stubbornly, she refused to cry or any sissy thing like that, instead just allowed him to hold her.
"Of course I am."
"Promise?"
"Lina-chan, the bond... between you and I, I mean - you can't think this happens everyday, right?" he winked, pushing her chin up with his fist. "I will always come for you."
Her reaction was quite expected - she hit him. "I don't need a baby sitter, you know!"
"Of course!"
"Unfortunately, Xelloss' Ship Was Attacked By The Infamous Pirate, Demon Dragon Garv - He Died In The Ensuing Skirmish."
"Yay!" Phibrizo cheered.
"When Word Of His Murder Reached Lina, The Young Girl Was Distraught. She Couldn't Yell, Or Sleep Or Even Eat For Days And Weeks."
"Double yay!"
"Stupid, stupid bastard!" Lina raged, throwing the pitcher against the wall. Her ranting left no room to watch the porcelain explode into a hundred pieces. "Idiot! It's his own fault for leaving, for not running away! It's his fault I can't even enjoy food it's his fault! He - HE-..."
Is gone...
Energy exhausted from dismantling her house, Lina slid down the wall, hiding her face in her knees. Xelloss... you dumbass, why?....
I'll never love again.