The Starship Enterprise's away team of six landed on a particually barren looking part of a planet and were scouting arround for signs of life. So far they had found none. Just large red rocks and red sand. Data was looking at his triquater, when suddenly there was a huge flash of light from behind some tall bolders off to the side a bit, and his triquater lit up. This was followed by a soft but aggitated male voice accusing: "What did you DO?" Data stepped closer, cautiously. He peered between a crack in the bolders and spied what looked to be the back of a little girl with long red hair and a black cloke. She had one gloved hand behind her head and was laughing nervously. There were others with her, but he could not see them from this angle.
Data pressed his com link. "Captain," He said quietly.
"OH HO HO HO HO HO HO HOOOOO! " Came an ear peircing noice from further around the bolders. This was followed by a group of groans. "She has just proven that she is no where near as great the sorceress as I, Naga the serpent am renown for being! OH HO HO HO HO!! The flat chested little girl miss cast the teleportation spell! OH HO HO HO HO HO!!!!!!"
The flat chested little girl in question very casually said the words: "Fireball." And there was an explosion and a scream and suddenly a smoking, scantly clad woman with long purple hair flew up into the air. Data watched her go up, up, up... Then down , down down... making a crater by his feet.
"Miss lina," Came an annoying even younger little girl's voice. "That was increadible unjust of you to do that. You're so mean..."
"Fireball"
Another explosion and scream, and seconds later a small girl with short purple hair and beige clothing landed smoking on top of the one in front of Data, causing an even greater crater. She puffed out some smoke. Her eyes were large and swerling. "Miss Lina...? Oouch..."
The soft male voice said some thing, to which the one reffered to as 'Lina' retorted with an angry: "Back off Zel! I'm hungry! I want some food!"
By this time the rest of the away team had gathered by Data's side. "Captain," He continued. "it appears that there is life on this planet after all..."
"What was that?!" The one called Zel hissed.
"What?" Lina snapped.
"I heard something."
Lina's tone brightened with hope. "Any thing that sounds like food?!"
"Hush!"
"Gourry, go see what that noise is." Lina ordered some one.
"Do I have to?" Came another young man's voice.
"It could be edible! NOW GOURRY!!!"
"Allright all right!" There came a yelp from the new voice and a scrabbling noice as he attempted to climb the rocks at an impossable speed.
"You don't have to fireball him Lina! He's going! Power it down!"
"He's not moving fast enough!"
"What do you expect! Don't bother trying to climb that Gourry, I'll go." To the girl: "And would you stop making such a racket! You've probably made enough noise to scare what ever it was away! Rei wing!"
The away team watched as this person reffered to Zel floated up in the air inside a bubble and looked down on them. He was dressed in beige all over, including a hooded cape and a vail over most of his face. What they could see of his face was an odd blue color with splotches and his hair shone almost metalic in the sun. He landed on top of the bolder, surprise evident in his eyes. This soon turned to irritation. "Oh, great."
"Have you found any thing yet?!?" Lina raged from the other side.
"Come look for your self." Jumping effortlessly to the ground he knelt beside the smoldering females, and watched the googling away team with irritation. He pulled his hood further over his head.
"All right, I will! Levitation!"
"Wait!" Gourry cried. "Don't leave me behind in this food forsaken place! LIIINA!"
"Come on!" Very irritated now.
Seconds later, 'Lina' was standing beside 'Zel' with a very distressed 'Gourry' clinging to her leg in sheer terror. "AAAAAAaaaaagghh!!! Don't drop me LIIIINA!!! PLEEEEEEEASE don't drop me! I'm falling! I'm falling! SAVE ME! Aaaaaggh!"
"Gees, Gourry." She sneered. "Get a grip." Then she saw the away team for the first time. "Eh? Who are you?"
"I am First officer Reiker of the federation starship Enterprise." Reiker (standing beside Data) said. "This is Leutenent commander Data. Who are you?"
Suddenly the smoldering scantly clad woman was no longer smoldering and was standing directly infront of Reiker. "I am the most beautiful, intellegent and powerful sorceress, Naga " She stomped the ground, making her impossibly large chest wobble. "the white serpent! Naga" She stomped again. "the serpent! OH HO HO HO HO HO HO!!!" She looked Reiker up and down. "Hmmm... not bad looking. But the tightness of your clothes is just so inappropriate. OHHOHOHOHOHOHOOO!"
Reiker just stared at her chest. "That CAN'T be natural." He thought.
Lina and her companions turned to Naga with a look of sheer disbeliefe.
"You're a great one to talk about inappropriate clothing." Lina muttered. Then she put on her big smiley face. "I'm Lina Inverse. Those two over there are Zel and Amelia. You wouldn't by any chance happen to have any food on you, would you? Huh?" Big puppy dog eyes.
Reiker and Data exchanged glances.
"Hi!" The tall guy in blue, with long blond hair, body armor and a sword smiled hugely. "I'm Gourry." He turned back to Lina. "Where are we again? This doesn't look like a kitchen at all." Lina smacked him over the head. "Oow!"
While they were introducing themselves, Zel leant over the little girl 'Amelia' who was still lying in the crater. He lifted her sholders up off of the crushed earth, supporting her neck with his hand. "Amelia." He whispered. She made no move. "you are still alive, aren't you?" Data watched from where he stood next to Reiker (who was being coodled over by Naga and harrassed for food by Lina). Zel held her close listening to her heart beat and breath. "Good. You're not dead."
Big blue eyes snapped open. "Mister Zelgardis!" The annoying little girl cried with joy. "You really DO care!" Little girl arms were flung around his neck, giving him a face full of bussom, taking him completely by surprise.
Zel's eyes bugged. His face went beet red. The little girl's arms only squeezed tighter.
"I knew it was only a matter of time before you announced to the world that you and I could join together with our true love and create a justice loving world, free from the influence of evil and nastyness!!"
Zel pried her hands off of him, dropped her - gasping for air, and tryed to hide his blush by readjusting his hood and mask. "Wake up Amelia. You're delusional." He stood and walked over to Lina.
Amelia became all teary eyed, and grabbed a rock from inside the crater. "Mister Zelgardis! You're so MEEEEEAN!" She threw it and it hit him in the back of his head.
Zel span quickly. "What the HELL - " His eyes turned to different sides of his head and he started to sag to the side. " - wazzz tha... frrr..." He fell flat on his face.
Lina and her group stared. Amelia stared. The Away team stared.
"Oh no! Mister Zelgardis what did I do?" Amelia scrambled forward and tried to role him over. She failed. "You're too heavey for me!"
"OH HO HO HO HO HOOOO! Your traveling companion does look funny when he is unconscious, Lina! OH HO HO HO HO!"
"Shut up, Naga!" Lina jumped to his side.
"I didn't know Amelia could throw things that hard!" Gourry exclaimed. "Wow! Hey that's cool!"
"She can't." Lina frowned. "And it's NOT cool. Amelia, did you enhance your throw so you could hurt him?"
"Maybe a little." Amelia said meekly from Zel's side. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!"
"Sh-yeah, right." Lina rolled her eyes. "You know, that was an increadibly unjust thing for you to do."
"I said I was sorry!" She growled at Lina's group. "Now come on, and help me help him!"
"Woah... Oh well." Lina knelt beside her fallen friend, prodding his shoulder. "Come on Zel, time to wake up."
"Excuse me?" Data interupted. They all looked at him. "May I be of assistance?" He stepped forward and picked Zel up into his arms, like he was nothing at all.
"Woah."
Naga drooled. "OHHH! That is impressive."
Zel's vail slipped down to about his chin, and his hood fell back, revealing his stoney skin and metalic spikes for hair. Reiker and the rest of the team were surprised.
"It appears that his skin is completely made up of rock, sir." Data said to Reiker. "It is facinating that he is still able to move without the elasticity of flesh skin."
"Yeah yeah yeah, really facinating." Lina looked up at the two men. "Can we have our friend back now?"
"First, tell us what you are doing here on an unpopulated planet." Reiker ordered.
"OH HO HO HO HO HOOO! The little girl, my rival, miscast a teleportation spell and instead of delivering us into a kitchen filled with never ending piles of food and alcahole, we ended up here! OH HO HO HO HO HO!"
Every one cringed. Even Zel, and he was unconscious.
Lina took some very deep breaths, then turned to Naga. "How many times have I got to tell you, SHUT UP!!!"
Data cocked his head and looked at the back of Zel's head, as he felt something run down his arm. Something dark red/black. "Oh my. I do believe that your companions is more seriously injured than previously appeared. I would suggest we take him back to the med bay."
"Oh no!" Amelia gasped, then turned with pleading eyes to the red head. "Oh no miss Lina!! Please tell me I haven't killed my one true love in a moment of empassioned heatedness?!"
"Yeah, that would just be so unjust, wouldn't it." Lina replied under her breath. Out loud she said to Reiker: "If you take Zel some where, we all are going too."
"Fair enough. Transporter, ten to beam up."
Lina and her crew had been watching everything that happened to Zel like hawks... They really HAD been. Honest. It's just now... A boy named Wesley had introduced them to the replicator and they were now inhaling food faster than the machine could make it. Zel was left in the med bay alone with that red headed doctor lady. That Wesley kid had said she was his mother? Yeah. Oh well! Back to the FOOD!
Slowly his eyes opened, then closed quickly as the light stabbed down, attacking his sight. "Itaii..." He hissed, catching the doctor's attention. She came over, while he sat up, rubbing his bandaged head.
"How are you feeling, Mister Greywords?" She asked, waving some kind of box over his head.
"Nanni?" He stared at her, then looked around the bay. "Nan-di!"
"I'm doctor Crusher. You were brought in from the planet below after you had a nasty blow to the head. Do you remember?"
He gave her a strange look, then said something in a language that she recognised, but did not understand.
"Computer, what language is he speaking?"
[Japanese.] Came the reply.
Zel looked around trying to find where the voice came from.
"Computer, translate into Japanese: Every thing will be fine, you are in the med bay of the Starship Enterprise. You have a concussion, and it appears you are now speaking a different language."
The computer translated, and Zel blinked in surprise. He looked around again, then said something. Dr. Crusher held her hands up in a 'wait' motion, then went over to the replicator. After some moments there she returned to his side, and presented him with an ear peice and a clip-on thing. He looked from the thing, to her, to the thing, then back to her, rasing his eye brows sceptially. She demonstrated how he should put them on, then handed the bits over to him. Still he gave her a sceptical look, but he put it on any way.
"Can you understand me now?" She asked.
"Yes." He seemed surprised. "How?"
"You are now wearing a portble, personal universal translator."
"Where are the others? The ones I came with?" He asked in english. Well, sort of. (or confederate. What ever it is that they speak in the future.). Dr. Crusher smiled down at him.
"They just left to get something to eat."
He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "Then they will be gone for some time."
"Really? Why do you say that?"
"As long as there is food left, they will be there to eat it."
"...Oh."
Naga belched, leaning back with her feet on the table in a quite unlady-like manner. She leant back against the chair, letting passer bys stare at her unnatral proportions as though she was on display. And, one might add, enjoyed the publisity immensly. Her face was quite red from the ammount of... what ever that was she had sculled several bottles of, and she now had fixed her eyes on that nice young man who had given them the grand tour of the ship. (Well, it's food area). Heh heh heh... Was he in for a lucky night!
Wesly noticed that large chested lady smiling at him in a most suggestive way, and descreatly as possible (while walking backwards in an awquard run), got the hell out of there. He did not mind girls looking at him like that, infact he often wished they would. But a woman like that? She could not be natural. shudder! It would now take him weeks to get those immages out of his head!
Gourry stared wide eyed out the window at the stars that were out there. "Wow..." He breathed. "Lina. Hey, Lina! Come look at all the stars! They're so close!"
Lina took the opportunity to snag something off of his plate, and infact had finnished off his plate completly by the time he had even noticed.
"Hey! That's unfair!" He cried.
Lina simply smiled and continued eating.
Amelia... Well, she was not there. Where was she? Come to think of it none of them had seen her since they were teleported onto this ship. Where had she goten to? She was probably visiting Zel, and annoying the crap out of him as usual. Oh well! There was still food coming! YAYAYAYAYAAY!
Annoying alarms were going off in the bridge. Lights were flashing, and people were scurrying around to their propper positions.
"Sensors have detected a vessel approaching." Someone called out. (I don't remember who it would be right this moment. Sorry!)
"On screen." Captain Piccard ordered in his brisk, mostly calm yet accented voice. It was done. A large cube was spinning around in space, racing towards them. "Oh dear Lord! It's the Borg! Reverse thrusters! Get us the hell out of here! Warp nine!" No one argued.
In a few seconds the starship Enterprise was on it's way to the other side of the galaxy. The crew did not notice that the Borg were not even remotly interested in the ship (for once), and in fact had begun to decend down onto the planet the away team had just been scouting. The Borg had picked up on and increadibly strong power strike a few hours previously, and wanted to find out what was behind it.
On the planet below, the little girl that was missing from the Starship wandered over the red sands in a misserable fit of sobs.
"Miss Lina! How could you leave me behind like this! AGAIN!" Her fountains of tears were the only drops of water that had hit the surface of that patch of land for a long time. "I'm HUUUUUNGRY!!!!! WaaaaaaaH!!!"
A square shaped shaddow passed over her and she looked up. And up. And up. And up some more. The water works were now forgotten.
"I wonder what that could be...?"
Half way across the galaxy...
"Hey! Are you really made of stone? How is that possable? Were you born like that? Is that planet we visited your home planet?" It was a young man in a red uniform, with a group of others dressed in a simmilar fashion.
Zel frowned, narrowing his eyes in anoyance. "...No. This is not how I was born. It is only my skin that is stone. Now please leave me alone." He tried to walk on, but these people continued to follow him, shooting questions at him, and generally giving him a head ache.
"Where did you come from then?"
"What's your name?"
"Is that a real sword?"
"Why are you wearing all baige when darker colors are all in fashion?"
"How come when you speak your lips move at a different time than your voice?"
Zel raised his eyebrows. He did not know about the lip thing.
"Why is your skin blue, when all of the rocks on that planet were red?"
"If your skin really is rock, is it rock all over? Can ...I see?" The tone of voice coming from that one was particually... wrong.
"WHAAAAT?!" Zel cried spinning to face the owner of that voice, glaring and baring his teeth like a wild animal, he drew his sword, holding it out defensivly. "YOU!!!"
"Me." The young man with purple (chin/shoulder length) hair, and the most irritating and large smile anyone had ever thought possable was sitting crosslegged in the air. Floating about shoulder height, and dressed in the same red uniform as the others were. He also carried with him an interesting looking stick with a red jewl at the top. He waved casually. "Hello there Zelly boy. What, not happy to see me? Awww, I'm cut, truely I am."
The crew only just seemed to notice that he was floating, and Zel was bothered that it did not really seem to surprised them. They were more surprised at the fact that this blue, rock-for-skin, person had drawn his sword and was glowing and unnatural blue colour. He looked about ready to kill some one. Actually, more just kill the floating guy.
"What do you want, Xellos." Zel hissed. "How did you get here? No, don't answer that. I know, 'it's a secret'! Fruitcake."
Xellos changed his position so he was lying down on his stomach, hands under his chin, and drifted towards Zel, his grin somehow defying all posibilites and getting bigger.
"Get away from me." Zel snapped and Xellos entered much too far into his personal space.
"I know something you don't know..." Xellos sung rocking his head from side to side.
Zel gave him an icy glare that peeled the paint from the ships walls. "And what is that."
"Ever wonder where Amelia has gotten to? Hmmm...?"
"She's with Lina, and as usual stuffing her face." He paused. "...Isn't she?"
Xellos shook his head. "Mm-mm-mm. Afraid not."
Zel grabbed hold of Xellos' uniform and swung him around so he slammed into the wall. Xellos giggled in an unhealthy way. "What have you done to her, bastard?" Zel's voice was dangerously low.
"Now, now. You know I can't be a bastard since I was never born."
Zel's comment was not at all polite. Xellos said "I'll whisper it to you because it's a secret..." He leaned forward but instead, he stuck his tounge in Zel's ear.
Zel turned an interesting color green, then dropped him and started to kick the crap out of him. "Tell me what you've done with her you filthy! kick scummy! kick perverted! kick twisted! kick sick! kick freak of a mazoku! kick kick kick! The crew watched as their purple haired companion just grinned and laughed.
"Is that all you can do? Come on I hardly even felt that!"
Zel picked up his sword and stabbed down repeatedly, while onlookers grabbed onto him and tried to stop him. "Why won't you DIE for once! Just die and leave us ALONE!"
"Oh! That tickles! More, More, MORE! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!"
Zel shook the guys off and gathered energy around him.
Xellos sat up and smiled, his eyes still closed. Not a mark on him. He phased out, and appeared upside down above Zel's head. "Oh, Zelly, I would not recommend spell casting this soon after that nock to your noggen. Appart from the fact that we are surrounded by hundreds and thousands of people, and the vacume of space can kill you, but not effect me what so ever, you could get a really, really bad head ache."
"Worse than YOU?!"
"Tisk, tisk. If you are incompasitated, then who will there be left to rescue the princess? Hmmm?"
Zel growled. "Where. Is. She?"
"Weeeell.... That... Is a SECRET! Ha! I couldn't resist!" Zel grabbed Xellos by the neck and threw him through several walls. With a dark scowl to those around him, he stormed off to find Lina.
Xellos sat up after finding himself in someone's bedroom closset. What was that thing there? Looked kinda kinky. Have to show that to Zel sometime and see what he thinks. He sighed contently and laughed. That was one of the most satisfying meals he had ever had.