Episode 4

The sun rose in the east. It pushed the darkness away like it does every morning. Every morning it knows its a futile battle, that the night will swallow it up once again at dawn, yet still it tries. Like the fight between good and evil, a relentless fight that will never have a true victor. Well the slayers didn't really give a damn about any of this as they crawled out of their toasty warm sleeping bags out into the cold morning.

Zel mumbled to him self.. "Need.. coffee.... must get coffee"....

Amelia bounded over to Lina's sleeping bag.

"Ms. Lina its time to get up!". She waited a few moments. Their was no sound or movement from the bundle. "Lina ", Amelia smiled, "Wake up before Goury eats all of your breakfast!!." Amelia braced herself for the redheaded bullet that was sure to jolt out of her sleeping bag. None came however. "Lina's not hungry?? Something must be horribly wrong!" Amelia leaned down and shook the bundle. She peered down and noticed for the first time that the bundle was empty. Inside their was a note.

"Guy's, Lina's gone!!" Goury and Zel looked up in alarm. Amelia read the note aloud...

Dear gang,

Hey guys! I've went off to kill someone. Be back before lunch!

The beautiful, intelligent, genius, gunslinger supreme

ps: Don't let Goury eat all the food.

Everyone groaned and sweatdropped.

"Need pots of coffee... pots and pots of coffee" Zel grumbled to himself as he sat down. Amelia and Goury turned visibly pale. It was going to be a looooooongggg day.

"Pots, and pots and pots... of coffee......

Martina sat in her wagon as it bounded down a bumpy trail. She counted a wad of dollar bills. She breathed in the scent of green paper and sighed happily. Nothing was better than money. The way it smelled, the way it looked, nothing compared. Martina blinked. Well maybe a harem of cute men at her beckon and call. Martina's eyes turned into stars.

Martina slipped into her day dream.

She was surrounded by scantily clad men.

"Miss Martina would you like some more tea?" a handsome loin clothed man asked holding a teapot.

"Why yes, Fredrick my dear," Martina replied sweetly. The handsome man poured tea into her golden goblet.

"Can I please give you a pedicure princess?," another gorgeous man asked. Princess? Oooh that's a good thought. Magically a crown appeared on Martina's head in her day dream.

"Oh madam your so beautiful and talented...and.....and.......

"And what ..?

...the castle is being blown up.



Martina was violently tossed from her day dream by a jar of her miracle cream crashing down on her head.

"AAAAAh! It burns it burns!!," Martina screamed as the cream sunk into her scalp.

She looked around the edge of her wagon. A redheaded girl was riding a jet black horse and was quickly closing the gap to the wagon. She was throwing small red dynamite-like balls towards Martina. Martina narrowed her eyes as she recognized the girl. The peppermint headed crook quickly reached behind her for her shotgun as Lina lit another fireball.

"Makes things grow my ass!!," Lina screamed and threw the fireball at the wagon Martina leveled her shotgun a Lina.

"Sure it makes things grow, like fungus!," Martina answered.

Lina grabbed the horn of the saddle and swung it underneath her horses belly. The shot flew harmlessly through the empty air that Lina had just occupied. Tiny rocks and dirt flung into Lina's eyes from her horses hooves. The maneuver had seemed like a good idea at the time now however...

"Oh shit. How am I going to get back up?," Lina muttered to her self.

One of the wheels of the covered wagon broke off in splinters. Lina watched as the wagon went careening on its side and almost went over a small ledge. Lina whistled for her horse to stop.

The wagon lay on its side as Lina approached. She looked around cautiously. Broken jars littered the ground around the broken wagon. Where was she?

"Lina Inverse! Prepare to.." Lina spun around and kicked the shotgun out of Martina's hand.

"What's the meaning of this!!!," Lina asked and shoved her infected arm into Martina's face. Martina grimaced.

"No refunds," she said smugly.


"Then why are you complaining?"

"Look at this!!." Lina shoved her blue and green arm into Martina's face.

"Ewwww!! Get that out away from me!!," Martina screamed and pushed Lina away.

"Don't push me!!!" Lina pushed Martina back. Martina grabbed a handful of Lina's hair.

"OWWW!! Let go,!!" Lina screamed and grabbed a chunk of Martina's hair. Martina pulled harder. Lina pulled harder than that. The fight digressed into a full blown hair pulling chick fight.

Martina and Lina rolled on the ground. They continued to pull hair, rack with their nails, and pretty much try to kill each other.

"Dammit Martina let go!!"

"You let go first!!!"

Martina rolled over and started to choke Lina. Lina broke Martina choke hold and yanked on her hair as hard as she could. A fistful came out and Lina stared at it in shock. Martina reached a tentative hand to head.

"My......my....hair.....it..must...have been the cream...," she said in shock tears starting to well up in her eyes. She felt the now bald spot.

"Martina your hair...." Lina blinked as she stared at Martina's bald spot, and then burst into laughter.

"Bwahahahaha!!!" Lina clutched her side. She continued to laugh as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Shut up!! Stop laughing at me!!"

"What ja going to do baldy??," Lina mocked in between her hysterical laughter. Martina's eyes blazed with fire. She grabbed Lina by the shoulders hard and shoved her. Lina teetered on the edge of a ledge precariously. Martina got ready to declare her victory when Lina grabbed Martina's ankle and took her with her. They tumbled down the hill.








Martina and Lina landed at the bottom of the hill in a heap. They were bruised, covered in dirt, Martina had some suspicious looking needles sticking from her, and both were knocked unconscious. Not exactly the effect Lina had set out for......


"Excuse me sir did you see a young woman come by the way here?"

Amelia, Goury and Zelgadiss stood at the edge of town talking with a local. They had been looking for Lina all morning. They had stopped to ask a local man for help ......

"A young woman you say??" The local man rubbed his beard absently.

"Yeah you know, redheaded flat chested girl with the manners of a wild boar??," Goury piped in trying to help.

Ominously lightning and thunder struck in the sky for no reason.

The gang involuntarily shivered. Amelia stepped in front of Goury.

"Sir, please have you seen a young girl pass through here. She has red hair and rides a black horse," Amelia asked politely.

"Well, that does sound familiar. I think a young woman with that description did pass through here this morning."

"You think??", Zel implored the man, "Your not sure?"

"Well no, not really I'm sorry," the man replied apologetically. Zel sighed.

"Well I supposed we should keep asking around," Zel replied and moved to step passed the local.

"No wait!!," the local man cried and jump in front of Zel.

"Excuse me??," Zel growled out; battle senses going on red alert.

"Please wait! The town has been quarantined." The local man pointed to a quarantined sign in the distance. Amelia gasped in surprise and horror.

"What of?" Amelia asked.

"Um......well that's really not important.". The man ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"Not important? Why because your lying and just trying to keep us from going into town??" Zel narrowed his eyes and attempted to walk past the man again.

"No wait...please.......heh....I'll tell you". The man sighed resigned. Zel looked smugly at him.

"Well...you see its um...."

"Yes?," Amelia asked.


"Just spit it out already," Zel warned getting a bit annoyed.

"Everyone in town has the ......runs"....

Amelia and Zel faced faulted. Goury looked around a blank expression on his face. Zel and Amelia slowly pulled themselves off the ground.

"RUN WHERE?," Goury asked.

Amelia and Zel facefaulted again.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN RUN WHERE????!!" Amelia and Zel screamed. Goury scratched his head confused.

"What does it mean??" Goury asked innocently. Zel and Amelia looked at each other.

"I'm not telling him," Amelia and Zel said in unison. They turned toward the local for help and found him running back to his house frantically.

"Um...errr". Amelia sweatdropped.

"Come on Goury." Zel hastily grabbed Goury by the arm and started to drag him back to their horses.

"No, wait what does it mean???"

"Come on Goury", Amelia chorused after Zel. Amelia grabbed the other arm.

"Wait a sec".... Amelia and Zel dragged Goury back to their horses despite Goury's protests.


Cole wiped the sweat from his brow. He was hot on their trail he knew it. He had braved the wilderness, the hardships and came out victorious. He griped his horses reins in his hands and his face hardened.

Cole looked up at the sky. Dark clouds were coming up from the north. It would be a mighty fine storm. The ex-sherriff grimaced inwardly. That little girl had humiliated him. That little redheaded bitch had made a fool out of him. Him!! Cole Murdock!! He had rode with the baddest outlaws in the west!! Hell, he'd killed the baddest outlaws in the west. Cole smirked at that one. They had never seen it coming. Funny how a little money could change someone's loyalty....

Cole clinched his fists tighter. He would beat that girl and that idiot pet gunslinger. He would arise victorious.

"I swear upon upon my life that I will return to Rezo with that redheaded bitches head in a bag!!!" he screamed with rage at the heavens.

Goury, Amelia, and Zelgadiss were starting to get worried. It was almost sundown and still no sign of Lina. They travelers were weary and hungry. They had skipped lunch because of their search for her. They still didn't understand why she had left or who she was after.

"I hope Ms. Lina will be alright," Amelia said worriedly.

"Lina can take care of herself," Zel lied to her. Goury rode at the back of the group worry lines forming on his forehead.

"Wait what's that in the distance??", Amelia asked as she squinted her eyes.

They signaled their horses and galloped ahead. An upturned wagon came into view. The canvas was ripped and a wheel was broken. Broken jars of a strange green substance littered the ground.

Amelia, Zel, and Goury dismounted from their horses to investigate. Amelia walked up cautiously to the wagon.

"There's no one in here," Amelia said after peering in the wagon.

Zel stooped next to the jars. He overturned a jar cautiously and winced back as the liquid seemed to burn through the ground.

"What the hell is this stuff?", Zel exclaimed as he backed away from the jars.

Goury walked around to the back of the wagon. Their didn't seem to be anyone around. Goury wondered what happened to the occupant of the wagon. Tornado, Indian attack, who knows? Goury's scanned the back of the of wagon. He was about to walk back to Amelia and Zel when his eye caught something. (Yeah GOURY caught something. It didn't hurt that it was written in huge red letters on the back of the wagon. But hey, you take what you can get).

"Guys I think you should see this", Goury yelled. Amelia and Zel walked to the back of the wagon. They immediately noticed the letters painted on the wagon.


"Isn't that the girl from yesterday?," Goury asked.

Zel felt something nuzzle the back of his neck. He whirled around. Standing before him was Lina's horse.

"Oh my god its Fireball!!", Amelia ran up to the horse. She stroked the horse's head lovingly.

"Is that what she calls that demon spawn?"

"Zel, that's mean." Amelia turned her cute innocent, I could never hurt a flea look (tm) on the horse. "Fireball do you know where Lina is"?

"That stupid horse doesn't know." The horse narrowed his eyes at Zel and nodded in Amelia's direction. The horse started to trot down the hill.

"See?" Amelia smirked at Zel and followed the horse down the hill.

"gee lassie did timy fall down the well too," Zel grumbled to himself.

"What was that Zel?" Amelia called from ahead of him.


Zel, Amelia and Goury carefully climbed down the hill. Rock starting to crumble as they tried to get their footing. Somehow, though they made it to the bottom of the hill unscathed.

"So horse where is................. "

Amelia gasped and pointed a dozen feet ahead. Vultures conversed on a single area. Out of the corner of the group you could see a familiar boot and strand of red hair hanging out.

"Oh my god!," Zel exclaimed in horror. Goury fell to his knees.


Zel approached Lina's "body". His blood frozen in his veins. He took a deep breath and tried to get a hold of himself. He gathered all his courage, and looked down where Lina's body lay.........................................................................................................




......................................................................................................To find her sleeping peacefully with a huge pump on her head. The vultures were in reality eating from one of the broken jars of Martina's cream. Another girl, Zel recognized her from before, lay next to Lina, knocked out also. Zel breathed a sigh of relief.


Zel looked at Goury.

"Um... Goury "

"ISN'T NOT FAIRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Goury Lina's ok." Goury looked up at Zel and blinked.

"Oh ok". Goury stood up brushed off his cloths. His "happy go lucky" smile spread across his face like nothing happened.


"What??," Goury asked noticing that Amelia and Zel were staring at him.

".......never mind," Zel said and bent next to Lina and started to rummage through his satchel. Amelia and Goury attempted to chase the buzzards off. Which wasn't easy considering they were starting to wobble and walk sideways.

"ahh found it." Zel pulled a small bottle from his satchel. Zel held the bottle under Lina's nose. Amelia walked up after shooing all the vultures away.

"What are you doing?"

"Smelling salts", Zel replied simply.

Lina stirred. Her eye lids fluttered open. She looked up at Zel's concerned face, her eyes glazed over. She started to say something.....


Lina jumped to her feet inhumanly fast and in the same motion knocking Zel over. Her face was red with anger. She was like a demon on speed. Her fist were clenched so tightly a trickle of blood ran down her palm.

"That girl is going to die!!!!," Lina screamed in a voice that could wake the dead... ....and apparently it did.

The peppermint haired girl stirred on the ground. She groggily sat upright and brought a tentative hand to her head. She looked around in confusion for several seconds until her eyes met Lina's. Her gaze turned to one of Anger.

"You....you....ruined my wagon!!", Martina screeched. She brought herself to her feet. "You bony, boyish, flat chested, little wench!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", Martina yelled at Lina.

Lina's face went from rage to eerie calm.

"What.......did......you......call me", she said slowly.

"You heard me you flat chested, couldn't get a man if you paid him, sad excuse for a "girl". Lina's face contorted into a sadistic grin. Lina started to laugh.

"He he he...flat chested? heh heh," Lina said wildly. She pulled her gun from her holster.

"Are you even sure you are a girl? Maybe the midwife slipped with the knife."

Lina started to glow red in pure anime fashion. She turned around to her companions.

"Guys?" Her companions involuntary clutched each other in fear.

"Will you pretty please move over a little to the right?," she asked in a sing song/sadistic sweet voice. Everyone took a step to the right.

Lina pulled her gun out. She pushed a small button on the irregularly shaped barrel. A compartment opened up on the side. Lina reached into a fold in her leather coat and came up with a small green marble. Well at least it looked like a marble. She put it into the hidden compartment of her gun. She was laughing insanely now.

She aimed the gun at Martina.


Lina was catapulted backward from the sheer force of the explosion that came from her gun. Luckily she landed on her friends who were conveniently standing behind her.

Everyone covered their heads on the ground as gravel and dirt rained on top of them. They coughed as dust rose in the air. No one could see for several minutes (a testament to the sheer power of the explosion).

The gang stood up after the dust had cleared. In front of them was a huge crater and no sign of Martina anywhere.

Lina stood up and brushed off her cloths.

"Hey I'm hungry anyone feel like a late dinner?," Lina asked.

Lina mounted her horse and started off for town. Everyone followed Lina in a daze.

"Oh we can't do that Lina, everyone in town has the runs," Goury informed Lina. Lina blushed and almost fell off her horse.

"You know it must be really tiring running around all the time. When do they ever have time to run their shops,?" Goury mused.


"Oww!! Oww!! Lina why are you hitting me for??!!"

Cole stared at the night sky. The stars were beautiful. Especially that green one....

Wait.......green star????


Episode 5   |   Fanfiction