::The crowd screams (from laughter, fear, or insanity is anyone's guess) as Vile saunters on to the stage, wearing a fancy purple tuxedo... and his helmet::
Vile: Welcome to Vile-Kun's Love Connection! I am your host, the master of LOOOOVE... Vile!
Audience: BOOOOOOOOO!!!
Vile: Anyway... let me introduce you to my lovely quest... X!
X: ::looks around, startled, as he's tied to a chair and gagged:: o.o;;;
Vile: It's a PLEASURE to have you, X! ^_^
X: ... ...
Vile: The pleasure's all yours, I'm sure. ::jumps in to X's lap and sits there:: ^_^
X: ::freaked look:: ...
Vile: ::kicks his feet, sitting on X's lap:: So, X! Tell me! When did you find out you loved me?
X: ...!?! ::URF?!?!::
Vile: Really? When you first saw me in my magnificent mecha?!
X: ::shakes his head, scowling through the gag:: ::MRF!!!!::
Vile: I know... I was so manly and full of testosterone while sitting in that mecha! ::cackle::
::The audience groans::
X: ... ... o.o;;
Vile: OH! ... and in case you're wondering... ^_^ No, the size of the mecha wasn't to compensate for anything. Heh heh heh.
X: ... ... ... . o o { Help me...}
Vile: So then, X! ::leans close, straddling the captive reploid:: How does it feel? Do I make you horny, baby? ^_^
X: ... ;_;
Vile: Heh heh heh. ^_^
::Suddenly, Roll peers on stage::
Roll: Um...? I thought you were going to interview him, not screw him on camera.
X: ... !?!?!
::The audience gasps::
Vile: ROLL!? What are YOU doing here!? This is a yaoi mailing list!
Roll: ... I'm the producer of this show, damn it. I can be here if I want to!
Vile: ... why would you produce a yaoi show?
Roll: ... because I'm a young girl with rampaging hormones! Now shut your pie hole!
Vile: ... fair enough.
Roll: Now are you going to answer my question!?
Vile: ::saucy grin as he traces hearts on X's cheek:: I thought you liked this stuff!
X: ::twitchtwitch::
Roll: ... I refuse to visualize you naked.
Vile: Then why did you hiiire me?
Roll: I was drunk at the time.
Vile: ... Ahhhh, the wonders of alcohol. ::grins at X:: I bet you'd like it if I licked alcohol off of your hot... sweaty... NAKED body... hmmm?
X: .... ::sweatdrop::
Roll: ... if it was anyone but you, I'd pay to see that. Get off him and ask him some damn questions!
Vile: Get him off?
Roll: NO!!! GET OFF OF HIM AND ASK HIM SOME DAMN QUESTIONS!!!!
Vile: ... do I have to?
Roll: ... do you want me to use a can opener to cut off your --
Vile: ...::jumps off of X's lap:: Damn you, evil woman, for denying me my love! ::sits down, huffy, in his little host desk, shaped like a heart::
Roll: ::mutters as she walks off stage:: Oye...
Vile: ::muttermutter:: Thanks SO MUCH for ruining my first episode, you nasty tra -- ::sees Roll glare at him:: er... lovely producer. ... so I'll just ask you some questions.
X: ...?
Vile: Are you gay? ^_^
X: ... ... ::sweatdrop::
Vile: Do you like porno? ^_^
X: ... ... o.o
Vile: Is Zero a stupid bastard or what?
X: -- !!
Vile: NOTHING'S going on between you, right?
X: ... ... o.o;;;;;;;;;
Vile: HEH! As if that pony tail bastard with artifical boobs on his armor would ever have a chance with YOU... eh, my little dumpling?
X: ....................................
Vile: ... this is truly a one sided interview... I guess it's because you're gagged, eh?
X: ... ::glare::
Vile: Well, it's to be expected... I mean, I did kidnap you.
::The audience gasps!::
Vile: How else would I get him on the show!? He's so shy... it's PRECIOUS! ^_^
X: ... ::rf:: >.<
Vile: Since talking is done... and this IS the LOVE CONNECTION... what say you and I... er... ... get to the good stuff? ^_^
X: ... . o O {... waaah...}
Vile: Don't worry about that producer of ours... the nasty Roll... she's off getting drunk to get rid of images of me naked. ^_^
::The audience makes gagging noises::
Vile: So... it's just... ::crouches like a panther on his desk:: You... ... and.... .... me...
X: O.O;;;;;;;;
::Vile makes to lunge, but misjudges the distance and accidentally falls, face first, on to the floor with a loud CLANK!::
Vile: ... OW!!
X: ::looks around quickly, then bounces away, chair and all::
Vile: ::gets up:: That hurt... even through the helmet! ... X? ::looks around:: X?! Where are you, love muffin?
::X is long gone; so's the auidence::
Vile: ... well, damn it!
::Vile glances about and notices Roll, passed out and plastered off stage::
Vile: ... bleh... well, the first episode was a bust but... we'll just try again! ... I'll just use cement blocks next time.
::Vile glances about, then grins at the camera, looking oh-so-sexy despite the large dent in his helmet covered by a Minnie Mouse bandaid::
Vile: ... that ends this episode of Vile-Kun's Love Connection... despite the fact I didn't get any... ::grumble:: I'll see you next time... and hopefully with another bishie!