Maybe Tomorrow

Mohji Kudou

I'll never forget the look on his face when I killed him.

His eyes were a large, rich aquamarine, shimmering with tears.

"I was jealous of you! You were always popular, when I was just left behind, even as kids!"

I felt rage well up inside my stomach, and begin to creep up my throat. Petty. But he was crying for me.

I moved closer to him. I wanted to hold him and rock him gently back and fourth and let him know that it was all right.

Call me a sucker for punishment.

I began to smile. Koichiro. The name echoed in my mind.

But then he was standing, tears streaming down his face, and he shot me - once, twice, three times - and he was laughing.

I stumbled backwards, but it was all right. I had my VEST on.

He was terrified of me.

And I wanted to brush his bangs away from his face and kiss his forehead, just like he used to do when I was upset.

"Why won't you DIE?"

"I don't like Hell."

His eyes went wide and I darted towards him, razor-sharm claws of mind ripping through his chest. I was covered in blood.

"I'll see you in Hell," he'd said, before taking his last breath - a murmur which I could have sworn was 'Kenken'.

How egotisticle of me. To think that the last name on his lips was mine.

My colleagues were waiting for me.

That night, I puked my guts up in my bathroom sink, untill it was all blood and ick, everywhere.

And I cried all night, before falling asleep in the pink bathwater.

Pink with HIS blood.

I woke up when I felt something brush past my leg. There was a cockroach in the bathrub with me. It would drown soon. I sneered and got out.

HIDAKA KEN - The Human Raisin.

I left a trail of wet as I left the bathroom, heading for my lonely, one-person bed. The springs were broken, and the mattress lumpy.

I entered the bedroom and a wave of nausea swept over me.

On my hands and knees - on my newly cleaned white carpets - I heaved the remainder of my stomach onto the floor.

Tears again.

A voice, behind me.

"Awake, then, Siberian?"

I whirled around.


"Don't worry, Ken," she said softly, "We will take care of you."

I threw myself into her arms.

Sopping and naked, I clung to her desperately.

She rewarded my boldness with a motherly smile.

"Persia wants to see you," she purred, "when you feel like it."

She even helped me clean up the mess on the carpet before leading me to my bed.

I was suffering from that state of exhaustion so great that I was in limbo. Too tired to move, but unable to fall asleep.

Manx made me a cup of tea, before she left.

And now the apartment was empty. Just like me. I didn't drink the tea.

I'd only puke it up, along with the remaining two pints of blood in my body.

I close my eyes, and there we are. Young. Before J-League. I was fifteen.



A hug. My voice is low. "So, are you coming over for my birthday or not, Koi-chan?"

I loved that nickname for him. It made everyone look twice, before they came to the conclusion that 'it was just a dumb kid and a shortening of Koichiro's name'. I'd laugh at them.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, Kenken."

I hit him.

"I hate it when you call me that!"

"If you didn't make such a cute face when I do, it wouldn't happen, would it, Kenken?"

I was pouting. Utterly adorable. I feel sick. Again.

Another flashback. "Kase - " I'm crying again.

My parents had just left, leaving us alone for the night

He wrapped his arms around me from behind, and nuzzled my neck.

I was beaming. And then my arms were around his neck, and my face tilted up and back, lips parted and eager.

We kissed, gently, and I ran my fingers through that soft black hair of his. It smelled like Old Spice and cheap shampoo.

"Do you love me?" I purred the question into his ear.

"Forever and always," he laughed. "Kenken, if I didn't love you, I'd have killed you by now!"

And I'm sobbing, clutching my Kase-scented pillow.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll feel better.

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