The characters in the following work of fiction belong to their respective creators. The characters of Misty and Tei are the products of this author's own twisted imagination and may be used only with permission. (heck, I created them!) If you want to sue me, sorry but I'm still living with my parents and sponging off them. Whatever pocket money I have goes to the accumulation of more anime-related stuff. So you guys win anyway.
I would like to mention the following individuals who made this possible in an indirect way. They include The Queen of Swords, whose style and flair in writing fanfics has influenced me; Stefan Gagne, whose Slayers series provide much entertainment and character exploration; Priya and Kristi, for their FY parodies which has provided much inspiration. And lastly, I hope that all who enjoy this will let me know so that I may continue to warp my already unstable mind to further madness. With this, please sit back and enjoy the insanity.
Animedom - the new frontier. This is the story of two misfits whose very presence create further havoc in an already chaotic environment. Their mission - to blaze a trail in the quest for glory, adventure and loads of really cute guys. These are the annals of their quests and the mayhem generated. Meet the bimbos of bedlam, the ladies of lunacy, the agents of anarchy - MISTY and TEI!
(trumpets sound in a crescendo and a 21-gun salute with cannon fire in accompaniment)
TEI: Why do you have to be introduced first, huh? Why can't it be 'TEI and MISTY!' (trumpets sound in a crescendo and a 21-gun salute with cannon fire in accompaniment)
MISTY: It won't work that way. The flow and timing is way off.
TEI: Is not!
MISTY: Is too!
TEI: Is not.
MISTY: Is too.
And so they continue their pointless debate. The story thus begins.
In a far off country, evil is afoot. A foot tall that is. Miboshi is thoroughly pissed off with Washu for shrinking his already pint-sized height to a more stunted one. Being the genius scientist extraordinaire that she is, she does not give a hoot as to her guinea pig's, er client's outrage. Calmly nibbling on some ramen, she continues with her experiments.
MIBOSHI: Dammit Washu! Fix me! I can't rule China in this pipsqueak form. I told you I wanted the stature befitting an emperor, not that of his court jester! So, fix it.
WASHU: Size is unimportant. It is the man that counts. Any idiot knows that.
MIBOSHI: If that's the case, return me to my normal size. I keep tripping over these damn robes and smashing my nose against the floor each time.
WASHU: sigh Very well.
Fiddling with various buttons and levers, she then blasts the pint-sized emperor wanna-be with a brilliant ray. Once the eyes unfog, a strange sight emerges. A tall, slender yet well-muscled man with waist length white hair stands in his place. His monk's robes have been ripped in the transformation and is now standing in the buff. And a very nice buff it is too.
MIBOSHI: (looks down at self) Hey, now this is what I want. This is what an emperor should look like.
WASHU: (eyes appreciatively scanning the sight before her) Hmmm. Very interesting. The experiment turned out better than expected. I must analyze it further.
MIBOSHI: Well, go do it elsewhere. Your presence here is making the staff edgy. Besides, I now have to plan my total domination of China. BWA HA HA HA HA! Hey, that sounds good.
Meanwhile, in a plush office sit the two. Still debating the finer points of who should come first, they ignore an increasingly annoyed individual.
TEI: Is not!
MISTY: Is too!
BIG BOSS DUDE (BBD): Will you two shut up! The sheer idiocy of the argument is giving me a migraine.
MISTY: Well, she started it first!
TEI: Did not!
MISTY: Did too!
BBD: SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I FRY YOUR ASSES!
MISTY/TEI: gulp Sure, Big Boss Dude.
The BBD sits in his BBD Leather Chair™ and shoves two folders towards them. They pick it up and browse through looking for the pretty pictures.
BBD: As you can see, there's trouble brewing in the countries of Konan and Kutou. The situation was previously stabilized by our operatives about the time of the Suzaku summoning ceremony, however, it seems that a new threat has emerged to once again provoke old rivalries. You are to go there and sort things out.
TEI: How're we gonna do that, BBD-sama?
BBD: That's a secret.
MISTY: That's not informative.
BBD: Hey, I just work here.
TEI: (pondering the assignment) Hmmm. That's in China, isn't it? Gosh, I've always wanted to go there.
MISTY: (remembers something important) Hey, that's where all those cute seishi hang out, right?
TEI: (eyes widen) Yeah! C'mon, let's go, go, go!
BBD: Hold it, you two. This isn't a pleasure trip. You've got a job to do. GOT IT?
MISTY/TEI: Hai!
BBD: Good. Now, get lost.
And the two of them promptly do just that.
In Konan country, the Suzaku seishi gather in the spacious study of the emperor Hotohori. Being one of the Suzaku seishi is an added perk to being the emperor as well. He now sits at his ergonomically-designed teak and mahogany desk frowning at a decrepit-looking scroll trying to read its contents. His fellow seishi patiently wait for him to address them.
HOTOHORI: I wish Miaka had taken better care of the scroll. It's almost impossible to read from all these ketchup and mustard stains.
CHIRIKO: At least she tried to read it, Hotohori-sama. Even if it was at meal times.
NURIKO: Actually, she used it as a tablemat.
Everyone sweatdrops.
CHICHIRI: Perhaps we can contact Taiitsukun, no da. We still have some value on the long distance telepathy call-card, no da.
HOTOHORI: Good idea, Chichiri. Right everybody, hold hands round the crystal ball and begin focusing. And no peeking. Especially you, Tamahome.
TAMAHOME: But I can't help it! That old bag always scares the bejeezus out of me each time I open them. I'm still in therapy over it.
HOTOHORI: That's what Chichiri does to me as well, but you don't hear me complain about it.
CHICHIRI: Ano, I'm not an old bag, no da.
TASUKI: Che! Can't you people get your asses in the circle already? Nuriko's got sweaty palms and - OWW!
MITSUKAKE: Let's please begin. Tama-chan's getting hungry.
They now begin to summon Taiitsukun by focusing their chi and connecting on a spiritual plane to Taiitsukun's place.
NYAN-NYAN VOICE: You have reached the residence of Taiitsukun. However, Taiitsukun has gone to the Bahamas for the decade and will not be able to return your telepathy call anytime soon. Kindly leave your name and chi print and he/she'll get back to you. If it's urgent, a Nyan-Nyan will be dispatched to attend to you. However, no wishes granted. Please leave your message at the sound of the gong. - GONGGGG!
The seven Suzaku seishi wince and clap their hands over their ears. In his shock, Chichiri accidentally summons a Nyan-Nyan. In a poof of green smoke, the sickeningly overly-adorable SD creature appears.
NYAN-NYAN: Nyan-Nyan here! Cure-cure! Fix-fix!
ALL: Aargh!
The seishi screech like girls and scramble about trying to avoid it. For a sickeningly overly-adorable SD creature, it has very hentai hands. Finally, Tasuki manages to get at his tessen.
TASUKI: LEKKA SHIEN!
The others hit the floor as flames shoot overhead. The Nyan-Nyan is caught smack in the blaze and disappears in a poof of odd-coloured smoke.
TAMAHOME: Dammit, Tasuki! Give the rest of us some warning before you start toasting things!
TASUKI: Humph. I can't help it if your reflexes are slow, ogre boy.
TAMAHOME: (begins to glow) What did you call me?
A brawl breaks out and the others sigh in resignation. Hotohori pulls himself up and turns towards his desk. Or rather, what is left of it is still smoking.
HOTOHORI: AAAHH! MY DESK! My beautiful ergonomically-designed teak and mahogany desk! It's ruined! I paid good money for that set. And it came with matching inkwell and blotter too.
CHICHIRI: Don't worry, Hotohori-sama, I'll fix it, no da.
Summoning his powers through some nifty hand jive, Chichiri restores his Majesty's desk to its former glory.
HOTOHORI: Arigatou, Chichiri. (looks at the brawling duo) Nuriko, kindly separate those two before I incur further property damage.
NURIKO: Hai, Hotohori-sama.
Nuriko grabs the two hotheads by the scruffs of their collars and proceeds to shake them half senseless. Dropping them to the ground, he then saunters back to the others.
NURIKO: Now play nice or Uncle Nuriko'll spank your cute, tight bottoms! And you know I mean it. (gives them his yaoi eye)
Everyone sweatdrops.
HOTOHORI: Ah, ahem It seems that we're on our own to figure out what's going on. Any ideas? Chiriko?
All eyes turn towards kid wonder.
CHIRIKO: (sweating) I-I, gulp I don't know. Really! Please stop staring at me, you're scaring me. sniffle
CHICHIRI: Well, I guess we'll have to wait here for a sign, then.
And so they do. That is, after ordering takeout.
Back to the two misfits of mayhem.
TEI: I told you to take a left turn at Albuquerque. Now, we're lost.
MISTY: You said a left turn at Alberta.
TEI: And you took a right, mush-for-brains.
MISTY: Oh really? And who decided to head westwards when everyone knows that China's in the Far East. Huh?
TEI: Well, if you travelled westwards you lose a day, right? So if you lose a day, it means that it'll be less time wasted, ne?
MISTY: =85
A small group of travellers are approaching the duo of denseness. A tall, lanky blonde spots them first and turns to inform his three companions. The redhead saunters up and sticks out her barely defined chest.
LINA: So you guys are lost, right?
TEI: (in a cranky mood) What gave that away?
LINA: The argument on whose fault it is and the lack of commonsense directions, d-uh.
TEI: (sneers) You've got one attitude, kid.
LINA: (glares back) Who're you calling a 'kid', skinny?
TEI: Skinny? Skinny! I've got a waistline bigger than three of your bustlines added together!
GOURRY: Uh-oh. (starts looking for a place to hide)
The other two travellers and Misty have already huddled behind a boulder. Gourry barely makes it before loud explosions and a hail of pebbles and debris rains down.
ZEL: Damn but I just had this suit laundered.
AMELIA: Lina-san never does take criticism well.
MISTY: Neither does my partner.
GOURRY: Ano, could you guys move in closer? My butt is getting singed.
Misty seeing the cute blonde hunk, decides to take advantage of the situation. After all, was it not mentioned in the beginning about getting loads of cute hunky guys? (Go back and read the intro, d-uh!) She grabs hold of him and pulls him snug against her almost Naga-like body.
MISTY: (coos in his ear) Is this close enough, gorgeous? Or would you like it even closer?
GOURRY: Aah. ummm. Is it getting hot in here too?
Obviously the heat he's feeling is like that of the fireballs being lobbed by the two under-developed, over-egomaniacal sorceresses. Finally, the artillery barrages stop and the survivors creep out to survey the damage. Well, at least two of them do. Misty and the blonde seem to be otherwise engaged.
ZEL: Do you think they're dead? It would be unfortunate, but I'll eventually get over it.
AMELIA: No. Look, Lina-san's twitching and the other lady's beginning to move.
ZEL: Humph. One could hope.
Amelia chants a healing spell over the two twitching sorceresses and they soon recover sufficiently to begin their spell attacks. Seeing this, Zel steps between them.
ZEL: Enough, you two. I don't think the environment can sustain another nuclear-like spell attacks. (turns to Tei) If you could kindly tell us who you are and where you want to go, we can all proceed on our separate ways peacefully.
TEI: I'm Tei, all-powerful sorceress genius and -
LINA: (eyes goggling) Hey! That's MY line!
TEI: Phfbt! Am so.
LINA: Am not.
TEI: (smirks) Right, you're not.
LINA: You're so dead. FIREBALL!
Zel and Amelia dive back behind the boulder only to discover another hot scene of a different nature. They blush to the roots of their hair and begin to feel really awkward. But it is the decision between awkwardness and instant death by fireball. They wisely choose the former. Besides, it could be taken as an educational experience.
AMELIA: (twists head to look sideways) Ano, Zel-kun, is that possible?
ZEL: (underdeveloped libido working overtime) Burble.
In the meantime, deep in the heart of Kutou, Nakago - evil general and hunk supreme slouches in his throne-like chair and stares into his goblet of wine. He is pretty pissed (angry, not drunk) as he has recently received word of another evil hunk supreme muscling in on his turf in wanting to be emperor of China. This will not do for the blonde hunk. In a sudden temper tantrum, he flings the goblet of wine against the wall, the wine staining the pastel printed wallpaper. Seeing the stain spread, he begins to sweat.
NAKAGO: Damn it! I forgot about the new wallpaper. Now Soi's going to go all elemental and fry my ass.
He begins to pace the room wondering how to get the stain out of the wallpaper.
NAKAGO: Shit! And it has to be a pretty pastel pink. Hmm, maybe it's not that bad. A gentle stain remover and a touch-up of make-up. I'll ask Tomo.
At this juncture, a messenger knocks on the door informing the general of his presence. He brings important news for the evil hunk supreme. Thoughts of wallpaper maintenance slip from his mind as he calls the messenger in.
MESSENGER: I bring news, Nakago-sama.
NAKAGO: Well? I haven't got all day, you know.
MESSENGER: Our spies have infiltrated the usurper's domain and are now, even as we speak, spying and infiltrating in the usurper's domain.
NAKAGO: They'd better be. I'm not exactly paying peanuts for this information gathering. Keep me updated on their progress. I want to know everything about him. Everything. Even his underwear colour. Got it?
MESSENGER: I hear and obey, master.
The messenger exits silently and Nakago begins plotting on how to remove this unwanted intruder. He better not be almost as handsome and manly as him, Nakago, evil general and hunk supreme. He is so involved in his diabolical planning and plotting that he does not hear Soi enter.
SOI: Nakago, I - (sees the mess) AAAH! My brand new wallpaper!
NAKAGO: (sweats) Ah, Soi honey, it was an accident -
SOI: (electricity begins to crackle about her) An accident? Do you have any idea how long it took me to find this design? And how much it cost? The annoyances I had to put up with from the workers? And you tell me it was an accident?! Why, I ought to -
As the messenger gallops away, he turns back on impulse and sees something amounting to an electrical storm taking place in the general's room. There is a faint screaming but the horse's hooves drown it out.
Meanwhile, back in Konan country, the seven Suzaku seishi have just received their takeout. Tasuki, noting the sexy purple-haired delivery girl, passes a comment about her twin bonboris, only to have the real ones smash him into the wall. Hotohori, needless to say, sadly chalks up a further property devaluation amount. The smell of the meal eventually distracts them, and they begin scarfing it down. Right, 'nuff said.
Back to our two damsels of destruction (well, at least one of them plus Lina).
TEI: Eat this, you third rate fireballer!
LINA: Taste my Flare Arrow, moron!
The two continue lobbing assorted destructive spells at each other. The only thing still withstanding the magical bombardment is the boulder protecting the survivors. Zelgadis and Amelia, however, are more than involved in their biology crash course, courtesy of Misty and Gourry.
ZEL: Who would've guess that Gourry is that knowledgeable?
AMELIA: I guess, that's what he meant by being a hands-on person.
ZEL: And apparently that's the person his hands are on now.
AMELIA: (widens eyes further) WOW!
ZEL: I couldn't have put it better myself.
The activities beyond and behind the boulder continue for a time. Eventually, one of them slows down for a breather.
MISTY: Ooh Gourry-chan, it's sooo big and heavy! How do you handle it so well?
GOURRY: Umm, it takes a lot of practice and quick reflexes to control its movements.
MISTY: And you do it so well. Will you let me hold it? Pretty please.
GOURRY: Sure, just be careful.
ZEL: Damn, I wish mine was as big.
AMELIA: Ano, Zel-kun, it's not the size that matters but how well it is used. I think you use yours just as well as Gourry uses his.
ZEL: Um, thanks Amelia. I guess you're right. I do like mine the way it is. Good, well-balanced swords are hard to come by.
AMELIA: Hai. Besides, Gourry has the Sword of Light. So none can match that.
Beyond the vicinity of the boulder, the two combatants have stalled. Gasping in exhaustion, they realize the futility of their battle and agree to a truce. Shaking on it, they call out to the others.
TEI: Hey! You guys can come out now. Lina and I have called a truce.
LINA: Yeah.
Zel and Amelia slowly come out, keeping watch for any sudden twitches from the two.
AMELIA: Are you okay?
LINA: Uh-huh. We've become friends now.
ZEL: Some weird initiation ceremony for friendship bonding.
TEI: Where's Misty?
LINA: And where's Gourry?
Blushing, Zel and Amelia point to the boulder behind them. Tei and Lina walk up and their eyes goggle at the sight. Misty ignores them, being more interested in having Gourry's big sword in hand. Gourry, on the other hand, looks up and turns pale at seeing Lina.
GOURRY: L-Lina?!
LINA: (wide-eyed) G-Gourry?!
GOURRY: Ano, Lina ... it's-it's not what you think ...
LINA: (eyes filling with tears) Gourry, how could you!?
TEI: For pete's sake, Misty! You've just gotta get your hands on other guys' gear, don't 'cha?
MISTY: Not just any guy's. Only the cute ones with the big --
LINA: (sobbing) How dare you let her have your Sword of Light instead of me? And after all we've been through!
GOURRY: But Lina, I didn't give her my Sword of Light. I'm only showing it to her 'cos she wanted to see it. Honestly.
ZEL: (to Amelia) And boy, did she ever.
AMELIA: giggle
LINA: sniffle Really?
GOURRY: Really. If I want to give it to anyone, you'd be the first.
LINA: (stars in her eyes) Oh Gourry! You really, really mean that?
GOURRY: (smiles) You know I do.
LINA: Then, can I have it now?
GOURRY: No.
LINA: Darn! Well, it was a shot.
During Lina and Gourry's bickering (well, Lina's actually), Misty and Tei begin theirs. They are still lost and during the magical mayhem, all the surrounding landmarks within a 1-kilometre radius have been blown up or obliterated.
MISTY: Well, Miss 'I'm - genius - sorceress - supreme', where do we go from here, huh?
TEI: We'll head eastwards until we reach China. D-uh.
MISTY: And how would we know that we're heading eastwards, hmm? You and Miss Fireball blew up so much stuff, we can't see the sun from all the smoke.
TEI: Then we'll use the compass. Give it to me.
MISTY: I don't have it. You said that you'll carry all the important stuff. Besides, I don't have pockets.
TEI: (searches her pockets) Darn, I don't have it either. (thinks) Umm, I think I left it behind at BBD-sama's. Thought he could use another paper-weight.
MISTY: sigh Only you, Tei. Only you.
TEI: And what's that supposed to mean?
MISTY: Nothing, nothing. My bad. (calls to the others) Hey, you guys! Any of you know the way to China? Specifically the Konan district?
ZEL: (scratches chin) I've been to China once before. However, it was in the Jyusenkyo district. I'm not certain about Konan country though.
MISTY: Well, it's better than nothing. Can you show us the way? We'll probably ask for directions later.
LINA: Waitaminit. Jyusenkyo? It sounds familiar. (thinks) Isn't that the place of transformations? You know, if you're a guy and you wanna be a girl, you jump into the pool and 'poof' you actually become one?
GOURRY: Why would a guy wanna become a girl? That's weird.
LINA: You're one to talk, Miss La-la.
GOURRY: Hey, don't go there.
The others ignore them and ask Zelgadis for more information.
TEI: So why Jyusenkyo, huh?
ZEL: So that I can regain my human form.
TEI: But it's not permanent. One hot shower and you're back to chimera man.
ZEL: So I won't have any. I think I can survive with cold baths.
AMELIA: But it's so nice to have hot baths when you're human.
MISTY: So, he'll just splash some cold water to turn back. It ain't that bad.
AMELIA: But Zel-kun, it's best to be you. A more noble and just duty to be true to yourself and not to resort to false means.
MISTY: What planet did you come from?
AMELIA: (poses as a warrior of truth and justice, finger pointing skywards) I, Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun, am proud of my heritage and seek to preserve it from all evildoers who wish to destroy all that's good and pure in this world -
MISTY: Hey! You could poke someone's eye out doing that John Travolta finger pointing.
AMELIA: (puzzled) Ano, is he a warrior of justice too? I would like to meet him.
MISTY: (daydreams) Nope, but he looks damn good in that tight, white suit of his though.
TEI: Anyway, how do we get there? If Jyusenkyo's in China, then it shouldn't be that much of a problem to get directions to either Konan or Kutou.
LINA: I wouldn't mind visiting China. I've heard that Chinese cuisine is one of the best around. I'd like to try it for myself. Gosh, that's making me hungry.
GOURRY: Yeah, I would like something to eat too. Is it far away?
And so the intrepid duo head off into the sunset with an additional four companions to aid them. That is, until Zelgadis politely informs them that they're heading in the wrong direction and they about-face. And thus they proceed towards the elusive land of really cute seishi.
Meanwhile ...
Somewhere through the span of space and time, in the land of Meta-Licania, loud cussings and grumbling are coming from a small kid. Bald and monk-like, his extensive vocabulary did not exactly fit in with his appearance.
DARK SCHNEIDER (DS): Damn #@%* hell, Gara! What in %*@# has happened to me? Bad enough I turn into a soppy wuss when Yoko kisses me, now I turn into a KID when she kisses me again! And a %*#@ monk at that!
GARA: (smirks) You don't exactly behave in a monk-like way, DS. However, given your current state, celibacy might be a necessity.
DS: (bug-eyed) Celibacy? CELIBACY?! How can I, Dark Schneider, the most handsome, powerful, debonair, sexiest man in the world be celibate? All those women to ravish and claim for myself, how can I be %#@* celibate?
GARA: (grins widely) I didn't know one could be %#@* celibate? Unless you mean - (makes a gesture and smirks)
DS: DAMN YOU, GARA! I'M NOT THAT KIND OF A SICK BASTARD!
Gara barely controls his laughter as DS throws his tiny kiddy body at him in a pathetic effort to beat the living crap out of the near 8-foot tall ninja. Given the current state of things, Gara merely picks up the irate pint-sized wizard by the scruff of his neck and shakes him senseless. At this point, Tia Noto Yoko walks in and sees the gurgling wizard in Gara's hand.
GARA: Aww, grow up, ya little runt. Haw, haw, haw!
YOKO: Gara! Stop that at once! It's not nice to pick on someone smaller than you. Are you okay, Lushe?
DS/LUSHE: gurgle
Snatching DS away from Gara, Yoko cradles the dazed wizard and glares at the towering ninja. She begins to recall the cuddlings she used to give a younger Lushe/DS and instinctively hugs him tighter. She smiles a little as she realizes that given DS's current form, he would not be able to get up to all the cheeky, perverted things he did before. The women in the castle can now breathe a sigh of relief. Yes, there is a silver lining to every cloud.
DS: (snuggles deeper into her embrace) Yoko-chan is so kind to me. Not like you, you big, ugly ape-man. Phfbt!
YOKO: (smacks him) Don't be rude, Luche! You should respect your elders.
DS/LUCHE: (whines) But Yoko-chan, he started it.
YOKO: I don't care.
Arshes Nei and Geo Nort Sort enter at this point. They do not look happy. Arshes approaches DS and pulls him into her arms. She cuddles him fiercely much to his delight and consternation at imminent suffocation. Though he's a child, he still retains his hentai nature and reaches into her suit to pinch her - SMACK!
ARSHES NEI: Behave yourself, Darshu. There're people present. And no you can't have any until you grow up. I maybe kinky, but not that kinky.
DS/DARSHU: Aww, Arshie ... (gets mad) Damn that %#@* who cursed me! I swear I'll make that %*#@ pay for this. He'll never be able to *#@% again!
GEO: (mutters) Thank goodness it's not me this time.
YOKO: Papa, have you discovered the cause of this transformation?
GEO: sigh No, daughter. Somehow, this power is not magical in nature. It seems to be of some other force.
GARA: If it's not magic, what else can it be? As much fun as it is to see DS frustrated and unable to do a thing about it, I do miss the old bastard.
DS: Who're you calling 'old', gorilla guy.
YOKO: Lushe!
GARA: Well, given his intact personality, I could beat the living crud out of him with very little effort; kid or not.
YOKO: If anyone's gonna whack Lushe, it'll be me.
ARSHES: (holding the drooling DS to her ample bosom) Nobody'll be 'whacking up' my Darshu. (turns to DS) Oh my darling, I swear I'll avenge you - Hey! Stop that! SMACK
Meanwhile ...
Deep in the monastery that is his hideout, Miboshi plots the downfall of his one-time boss and nemesis, Nakago. He never forgave Nakago for calling him a bald, manipulative, slimy toad in front of the other Seiryuu seishi after trying his best to ensure his boss's success in ruling China. What Miboshi neglects to remember is the part where he planned to overthrow Nakago and rule China for himself. Such is the mind of a bald, manipulative, slimy toad. Now, the tide will turn and he, Miboshi, will become the sole ruler of China. And with his new bishonen form and destructive spell powers, it would be a cinch. (Well, as soon as the monastery is re-built after that small temper tantrum over a "sick" remark) Yes, life is good for this power-hungry megalomaniac.
MIBOSHI: BWA HA HA HA HA! I just love laughing like this. Not even ol' Nakkie-poo has the balls to laugh like that. All that blonde himbo ever did was smirk and taunt. No, I, Miboshi, am the true lord and I shall laugh like one. BWA HA HA HA HA!
Washu suddenly appears rubbing her temples and frowning at him. She is getting seriously pissed off with the noise ratio and the working conditions as they are.
WASHU: Could you keep it down? It is bad enough working in the dark, dank cellar you call a laboratory without having to put up with consistently reverberating maniacal laughter and periodic explosions. I'm getting a headache as it is.
MIBOSHI: What are you doing here? You're supposed to be working on the plans for a super-deluxe palatial complex for me when I assume my rule as the Supreme Emperor of China.
WASHU: Humph. How can I with all the racket going on? You try and design a super-deluxe palatial complex with the noise of hysterical laughter and periodic explosions going on.
MIBOSHI: Alright, alright. I'll tone down the noise levels. Just go back to work on the design. It's time for me to start plotting anyway.
WASHU: Just make sure of it, or I'm walking. (looks at him in exasperation) And put some clothes on, for Tenchi's sake.
With that she vanishes as suddenly as she had appeared and Miboshi turns to look at his newly-acquired bishonen form in a nearby mirror which has so far survived his laughter and assorted spell tossing tantrums. Primping his long, flowing hair and periodically beefcake posing, he sighs with great delight and satisfaction. All his dreams are beginning to come true.
MIBOSHI: Ah, but you are a god-like creature, Miboshi. A more handsome, charming and sexy piece of hunkiness that all will swoon before. None can rival me, not that sissy emperor in Konan nor even that blonde himbo, Nakago. I AM the god of Bishonen and the one-true deity of women everywhere. (pauses) Now, if only I didn't live in a *#@% monastery ...
Unknown to the self-deluding hunk (well, he is partially correct), he is being avidly observed by one of Nakago's spies. The messenger silently slips away and rides post-haste to the general's manor. Indeed, he has much to inform his master.