Xellos splashed around in the tub while smiling like a Cheshire cat. He had anticipated great pleasure from the Slayers gangs' predicament but this was even better than he had anticipated.
Xellos: Ha! Lina is stuck in a firing duel, Zelgadis is with a cross-dressing pervert, Amelia's latched on to a weirdo monk, and Gourry is shackled up by a sadist with serious mental problems...THIS IS TOO RICH!!!! HEE! HEE! HEE! HEE!
Xellos fell over giggling and would have continued had he not been interrupted.
Taiitsu-kun: Hello, Xellos.
Xellos stared at the floating crone and pointed.
Xellos: Old Bag!!
WHACK!!!!!!
Taiitsu-kun: WHO'S AN OLD BAG!!!!!
Xellos rubbed the giant bump on his head.
Xellos: Owww.....
Taiitsu-kun: Stop whining. Now, did you do as I instructed you to?
Xellos: Yes, Oh, Mighty Queen of Ugliness. I have done as you bid.
WHACK!!!!!!
Xellos: Owww.....
Taiitsu-kun: One more word out of you and you're going straight to Nyan-Nyan land.
Xellos: Shudder. Oh please! Anything but that!! They're even more annoying than Amelia!!! I can't stand them! Their infernal cuteness turns my stomach!!!
Taiitsu-kun: Than be a good little Mazoku. If that's possible...
Xellos: Yes, Sir! I mean, Ma'am!
Taiitsu-kun: Now remember, they must complete the tasks I have set for them.
Xellos: Don't worry, Taiitsu-kun. I've got everything under control.
Taiitsu-kun: Frown. I hope so.
Taiitsu-kun slowly floats toward Xellos and come face to face with him. Xellos sweatdrops as he is forced to look fully onto her hideous face.
Taiitsu-kun: You won't screw up like last time will you?
Xellos: Of course not! Damn crone. You mess up her love life once and she remembers for a century. How was I to know her date was going to be a brainless, superficial freak with an obsession for The Spice Girls!?! And what the hell was she doing asking ME of all people to set up a blind date?!
Taiitsu-kun: And how do you plan to accomplish this?
Xellos: That's a secret! ^_^
WHACK!!!!!!
Lina stared at Tasuki. The bandit stared right back at her. They couldn't do much else since they were so exhausted from their flame war. They decided on a truce and was now resting at an inn. It seemed a miracle this one structure survived the destruction. Outside, mass destruction was everywhere. Almost like a couple of pyromaniacs lost their marbles and -
Lina/Tasuki: EXCUSE ME?!
Ahem...sorry.
Lina: You know, you and I have a lot in common. We're both redheads, got a temper to match, and roasting things is our specialty.
Tasuki: What are you trying to say?
Lina: Eyes huge and sparkly. Want to be my boytoy?
Tasuki: WHAT THE %#$@ DID YOU SAY TO ME?!?!
Lina crawls into Tasuki's lap and twirls his hair between her fingers.
Lina: Oh, come on...a big, strong man like you must know how to treat a girl right?
Tasuki tries to lodge Lina off his lap but finds her immovable.
Tasuki: Look, little girl! I don't like females! They're all a pain in the ass and way too cunning! NOW GET THE *$@$%* AWAY FROM ME!!!!!
Lina: Oh, I see...you're gay.
Tasuki: I AM NOT GAY!!!! I JUST DON'T LIKE WOMEN!!!
Knock. Knock.
Kouji: Hello? Who is it? It's Genrou's best bud who came to see if he was still in one piece! Come in! Come in! Why, thank you!
Kouji comes in.
Lina: I don't get it. ^_~***
Tasuki: KOUJI!!
Kouji: GENROU!!
Then they proceeded to do what I call their "Happy Dance".
Tasuki/Kouji: Elbows linked and spinning! RA TA TA TA! RA RA RA TA!!!
Lina: sweatdrops. Are you sure you're not gay?
Gourry felt something tickling the side of his face.
Gourry: Why is everything so dark? Oh, yeah! I know! I have my eyes closed!
So he opened his eyes and came face to face with...that's right, Tomo.
Tomo: So you're awake, my pretty...
Gourry: Oh no! It's the weirdo who whacked me! Or was that Lina? Hmm...everything is so confusing... Ano...mister...what are you doing?
Tomo: Well, my hunky blonde...from now on, you're mine to do as I will!! KAKAKA!!
Gourry tried to move and realized that he was chained to the wall. He pulled again and again with no result.
Tomo: It's no use struggling, you'll never break those chains.
Tomo slinks toward Gourry and caresses his face with feathers.
Tomo: This is going to be so interesting. I've never met anyone quite like you before.
Gourry: I've never met anyone like you either!
Tomo: Why, thank you!!
Gourry: That wasn't a compliment!!
Tomo cackles maniacally again and pulls open a drawer to reveal his "tools"...just use your imagination.
Gourry: Eyes bugging out. What are those?
Tomo: Oh, you'll find out soon enough...
Gourry: What have I gotten myself into? AAH!! I'm so gonna kick Xellos' ass!!
Tomo brings out his favorite toy...a beanie baby?
Tomo: Let's get started, shall we? Evil grin.
Gourry: DON'T YOU COME NEAR ME YOU PERVERT!! HENTAI! HENTAI!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Xellos: I never knew you could do that with a beanie baby...hmm...this is very useful knowledge. Maybe I can try it on Zelly-chan! Giggle