"Good evening Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Zelgadis Greywers Show. Today we will be, finally, introducing a new game. I personally have been looking forward to this episode for the past few weeks."
In the background you hear some mild cursing, but you can't make out the words. Then you see Lina walking behind the set with an assorted pile of wicked looking instruments.
"But before we get to that part of the show. Let me tell you a little about our next guest. He is a master swordsman. He is very kindhearted. He lives in a dojo, which is strapped for cash. Anyway he is going to be showing me a few new techniques in swordplay.
"Mr. Greywers, everything is prepared to go. All you need to do is announce the new game."
"Great, but first a word from our sponsor."
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We now return to the show.
Zelgadis is sitting on his desk with his sword nearby. As you look at him you see a MAJOR sweat drop.
"That has got to be the lamest commercial yet! Lina who is it who finds these sponsors? My God they're bad."
"Did you say something?" Lina asked in a carefully neutral voice.
"Yeah! Who is the imbecile who finds these sponsors?"
"Umm, Zel I hate to tell you this but its ME."
<Uh oh> "Never mind then." Another sweat drop.
"Good!"
Well after averting that little disaster time to get on with another kind.
"Now is the time, now is the hour. Feel the rhythm feel, the power." Blared the PA system.
"What was THAT?" asked Zel with a start
"Why Zelly?" Said Lina in a too sweet voice. "That is the music for our new game. Whenever we get ready to play the game the music will introduce it."
"Umm okay. Let's get on with it then."
Next sound the audience hears is chains squealing and the low rumble of a huge wooden slab.
"Wheel that game piece in here boys." Lina comes in walking backwards. Dressed in a cute little traffic director outfit. Getting up off the desk, Zel walked over to the huge game piece.
Lina has just wheeled in a large slab of wood. Strapped to the slab is a type of fruitcake.
"Well folks this is our new game, It's called the Pain Game. The point of this part of the show is to think up ways of torturing a certain trickster priest. Now we aren't not going to be doing anything really gory to him, but its fun to drive him nuts since he likes doing it to us so often."
Audience all "Ooh Cool!"
Zel under breath. "Sicko's" then in full voice. "Now let's introduce our favorite fruitcake. Say, Xelloss introduce yourself"
Xelloss. "Xelloss introduce yourself"
BANG!!! A now dazed Mazuko learns the error of his ways, not to piss off Lina.
"Lina, I was just doing as I was told." Whined Xelloss
"Oh I know, but this is the pain game. And I was so looking forward to being the first one to hit you." Giggled Lina still holding her frying pan.
"Ah yes well anyway. We'll be right back." Said Zel straightening his tie.
Ding dong the witch is dead the witch is dead. Ding Dong the wicked witch is dead. Buy fast action kill all for your witch like needs.
And we're back
"Okay most of the commercial's so far have been lame. But that one was outright weird!"
Everyone nods agreement.
"Oh I don't know, I like it." Said Xelloss smiling.
"You would, fruitcake." Replied Lina.
"You know Lina. I would do anything you wanted my too. All you would have to do is ask." Xelloss said leering at her in a dangerous way, for him that is.
He was leering at her until Zel brought his sword hilt down on his head and kneed him in the gut. Smirking Zel put his sword away, rubbing the hilt to bring back the shine.
Lina just looked at Zel and smiled. Then looking at Xelloss she snarled. "Listen Mazuko you can't have me so don't bother trying." Then she happily whacks him upside the head again. Then as Lina continues to hit him.
"Now folks you can see why this is called the pain game. Next week is the start of audience participation."
Coming up next an interview with Rurouni Kenshin.
Mad clapping and yelling follows (I'm BIG Rurouni Kenshin fan)
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We return.
"Oooooh that commercial made me hungry." Lina runs over to her private banquet table and proceeded to inhale everything. Zel walks over to his desk and waits for his next guest. Leon who is playing announcer while Lina finishes her snack says.
"Well Zel here comes your next guest."
Out walks Kenshin. All the girls including the author go nuts. (Cute guy, big sword, lots of kick ass moves. What more could of girl want?)
Kenshin walks up to Zel and they shake hands. This is a friendly show but they both quickly size each other up as swordsmen are want to do. Then indicating a chair for him to sit down, Zel takes his own chair and begins the talk part of a talk show.
"So Kenshin, how do you like living at the dojo?"
"Its great. It's peaceful. Except when it's not. There is a lot of food except when we have no money. Which is often."
"Well that's very interesting. Guy reminds me of how Gourry likes to answer. "Well how long have you been practicing sword play?"
"I would say since I was about six years old."
"That's interesting, that was the age I started practicing my own sword play."
Both of them together. I wonder who is better?
"Well people we need to take a break so will be back in a few minutes."
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As the show returns you see all the furniture has been pushed back. Kenshin and Zel are in the middle of the floor warming up. Kenshin is in his normal clothing but Zel has gone back to his favorite garb, his old traveling outfit.
"Alright Zel, now how about a few testing strokes to get aquatinted."
"Fine by me, but just a sec. Hey everyone this is the part of the show where Kenshin will teach me a few new sword techniques. Should be fun." Turing back to Kenshin Zel assumed a guard position.
Lina encased in a shield to protect herself shouted, "fight".
Now at this point the author breaks in and just skips to the end of the fight. What you see is a lot of destruction. The camera's and people are all that really have survived, thanks to Lina. Kenshin is lying on the floor with Zel's sword point about an inch from his neck. Kenshin is breathing hard but Zel isn't even winded. Finally putting his sword away, Zel reached down and helped Kenshin up.
"Whoa, you're fast. How we're you able to counter every move I made?"
"It was hard, but I have incredibly keen eyesight. I was able to see your moves a sec or two before you could strike."
"You are good to be able to see that. And I was the one to volunteer to teach you something."
"Anyway thanks for the contest. I really needed that." Said Zel with appreciation (come on he lives with Lina he needs all the practic at defense he can get).
"If you two boys are done having your fun. We still have a show to end." Commented Lina
The two boys look at each other and smile sheepishly.
Then Zel said, "Well Kenshin it's been great talking to you and I hope to see you on the show again in the future."
"Thanks I really liked it here and hope to come back soon." Waving to the crowd Kenshin walked off the stage. (Only to be glomped by about 500 girls all eager to touch him.) Kenshin went down and all you hear is a faint. "ooorrrooo."
Smiling at the camera Zel said. "Thank you everyone for being here tonight and we look forward to seeing you next week.