Okay... you asked for it... with that little mention of Zel noticing Lina in the last one (Last Breath)... well, here comes the next section, part one of three of a series of songfics done to songs from the Beauty and the Beast musical.
Written to If I Can't Love Her from the Beauty and the Beast Musical.
And in my twisted face
There's not the slightest trace
Of anything that even hints of kindness
Zel looked at himself in the mirror after the wedding and sighed. Lina looked so beautiful out there, but he, he was just a freak. With this damned chimera body, he told himself, Lina could never be anymore than just a friend. Oh lovely Lina.
And from my tortured shape
No comfort, no escape
I see, but deep within is utter blindness
His only hope, his only chance, was a cure. A way to become human again. That's what he needed, sure, he'd been searching for one before, but now that cure had become even more important, now that he now realized he was in love with Lina.
Hopeless
As my dream dies
As the time flies
Love a lost illusion
He punched the mirror. It shattered like ice as his stone fist met the cold glass of the truth-reaveling mirror. Why, why must it be like THIS. Gods, Lina was everything he could want, but here he was, stuck in this monsterous body, and what beauty like Lina could love a beast?
Helpless
Unforgiven
Cold and driven
To this sad conclusion
Words danced in his head, 'freak', 'monster', 'demon'... 'heartless'... he knew he wasn't heartless, not since he loved Lina, but the other words, those could be true... he needed to be human if he'd ever be worthy of her. Oh to just be worthy of her...
No beauty could move me
No goodness improve me
No power on earth, if I can't love her
He walked out of his room in his usual clothes, determined to get away from Lina so he could find his cure. It had to be out there, somewhere. He looked towards the giant window of the reception hall where people still danced, and there was Lina, dancing with Gourry.
No passion could reach me
No lesson could teach me
How I could have love her and made her love me too
He wished it was him dancing with her, oh if he was human. He stopped thinking about that as he turned his head and began to walk on. Gods, if only it was meant to be. He looked to the sky and made a wish as he saw a shooting star.
If I can't love her, then who?
"I wish, I wish... I'd give anything if I could just be with Lina"
Long ago I should have seen
All the things I could have been
His mind went to the past. Once he thought himself weak, and strove to be strong, swearing he'd do anything to be strong. If only he'd known then the price.
Careless and unthinking, I moved onward
But he'd blindly accepted Rezo's offer and was stuck like this...
No pain could be deeper
No life could be cheaper
No point anymore, if I can't love her
It was a month later, he had found a journal Rezo had wrote around the time he transformed him. Rezo had meant that there would never be a way to transform him back, he was stuck in this body.
No spirit could win me
No hope left within me
Hope I could have loved her and that she'd set me free
His heart sank when he read those words, he couldn't believe it, there had to be a way... but no, the more he re-read it as he made his way back to Lina and the others, drawn back to her like a moth to a flame, the more he understood.
But it's not to be
If I can't love her
Let the world be done with me.
He could never be human, he could never be worthy of her. Gods, he could never be worthy of Lina's love. What else was there for him? What would life be worth without her love? He curled up for the night, crying himself to sleep, almost wanting to die.