The evil cultists noisily made their way to the not very secret meeting place. They were supposed to quietly be making their way there but more than one got lost and of course, none of them were particularly used to being in the country and just plowed their way through the cornstalks. Yes, that's right. Cornstalks. These evil cultists were going through a cornfield.
"Are we all here?" asked the leader who was only leader because it was his idea to do this. Like his fellow brothers, and perhaps some sisters, he was dressed from head to toe in black with a black hood that fell over half of his face.
"Could we hurry this up? I need to get back for the afternoon polo game."
"It's hot. Can we take off these silly robes?"
"Blasphemous!" roared the leader even as he fanned himself. "These robes add to the mystique of our evil organization and allow us to blend with the night that is our ally."
"But it's noon," pointed out one of the cultists.
"That's because you were all too cowardly to come out at midnight," retorted the leader.
"Didn't see you protesting the idea very much," mumbled someone in the back.
"ANYWAY, we shall proceed regardless. Brother Scythe, the candle."
The leader held out his hand expectantly to a cultist.
"Ummm, I'm not Brother Scythe."
"I knew that."
The leader turned to another cultist.
"Wrong again."
"Just take off your hoods!"
Sighs of relief rose as they all removed the heavy and hot black hoods. From their appearances, they were all well-to-do sons and daughters of nobility. Carefully styled hair was in slight disarray and the daughters were already touching up their make-up. The leader quickly found Brother Scythe and retrieved the sacred candle.
"Now," he pronounced solemnly. "We shall light the sacred candle."
"What's the point of lighting it during the day?"
"It's part of procedure!" snapped the leader. After several attempts, the candle was finally lit and gave off a nice cinnamon smell. Holding the candle high, the leader bowed before their idol on a high wooden cross. "Hear me, oh great bringer of darkness, ye who harkens the eternal night!"
"Excuse me but..."
Everyone looked up and seated on their idol was a priest carrying a wooden staff.
"If you're trying to pray to a scarecrow, I think the one you want is over there," Xelloss pointed to a scarecrow several rows over. It looked almost like the one he was sitting on except its head was a carved hollow pumpkin.
"I do believe you're right. Thank you very much."
Xelloss watched the humans file past him before he jumped down from his perch and followed them. They prostrated themselves before the scarecrow he had pointed out, murmuring how they were unworthy. He walked up to the leader and sniffed the candle.
"Cinnamon?"
"It smells nice."
Xelloss sweatdropped. "Pardon my ignorance, but are you here to awaken an ancient evil that will plunge the world into eternal night, release countless undead hordes on the living, turn you all into souls of endless torment, and make things generally unpleasant?"
"Yes."
"You humans really do have a death wish don't you?"
"I suppose we do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a ceremony to perform."
"Oh of course. Don't mind me. I've only seen this happen since perhaps the dawn of time," Xelloss muttered darkly.
Climbing onto one of the other cultists, the leader put the cinnamon candle inside the pumpkin's head. After that, he stood before the scarecrow and raised his arms high above his head. He began to recite the ancient verse which was conveniently rewritten on his outstretched hands in case he forgot.
"Old dark one of primal days
The one that seeks to keep the sun away
Come forth again to curse this land
And seize all in your hand
Let ghouls and ghosts walk at night
Return to this realm ancient blight!"
Xelloss slowly counted off until a hundred but nothing happened. He counted off another hundred. Then he pulled out his dayplanner to check the date. Perhaps he had miscalculated the year. It had been 75 years hadn't it?
"....where is he?"
"He's coming."
"....beep The party you have called is currently busy. Please remain on the line..."
"Damn, he is coming," Xelloss grumbled as green smoke began to rise from the ground at the scarecrow's feet.
Thunder suddenly boomed in the clear sky, throwing any standing cultists to their feet. The scarecrow began to shake wildly and the smoke grew thicker until it completely obscured it. Suddenly, it all burst apart in a flare of sparkling lights and popcorn around the reawakened evil.
"And the star has arrived!!" The pumpkin-head scarecrow held his arms out for the applause. "Hmm, tough crowd."
"Long time no see," Xelloss said dryly. "Wish it had been longer."
"Oh look. Isn't it the oh so mysterious priest Xelloss? No wave hello?"
"How about this?" Xelloss gave him the salute.
"That's not nice."
"Then how about this?"
"That was even worse. Try something else. Like new lines?"
"None that I can repeat before such a young audience, Jack Hallow." Xelloss looked meaningfully at the group of bored young nobles who just stared.
"Ahem. I think this is the part where you run away screaming hysterically," Jack prompted.
The leader blinked. "Good idea."
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" screamed the youths as they trampled the corn stalks in their terrified dash.
"So, where are the hapless saps you're going to throw against me this time?" smirked Jack. "Don't tell me those were it."
"I'd hardly call them hapless if they could defeat you each time you've awakened," Xelloss replied tightly.
"But they were saps. Why don't you let the Ryuzoku choose for once? This does get rather boring." Jack twisted and turned to experiment with his new body. "I don't know, do you think I look fat? Perhaps I should move more stuffing higher. Always wanted a nice muscular torso."
"If we Mazoku have to protect the world in order for us to destroy it..."
"If we Mazoku have to protect the world in order for us to destroy it," Jack mocked, completely parodying Xelloss. "Try something new, old man."
"Perhaps you could try something new, like say perhaps, not coming back?"
"Wouldn't dream of it. This is too much fun. Well, I'm off to raise havoc and chaos in my own not-so-unique style. Avert your eyes now, I'm going to disappear in a large flash of light!"
As promised, a very bright burst of light accompanied by lots of green smoke smelling like cinnamon exploded around the reawakened Jack Hallow. Xelloss waved away the special effects that the annoyance liked so much to find him still standing there.
"Humph. Did the God-Sealing Barrier fall?"
"Quite some time ago. A little behind the times aren't we?" Xelloss remarked snidely.
"Why doesn't anyone tell me things?" Jack huffed. "Do you have any idea how much trouble it was to rework my teleportation when you first dropped that little barrier? Now I've got to find notes on my old way!"
"I'm so sorry."
"Not. Well, I'll be walking away now." Jack's pumpkin head turned 180 degrees around to look at Xelloss as he left. "Try to find some people who will be a small challenge."
"Don't worry, I have just the people in mind."
"Don't worry, you say. I have just the people in mind, you say. Just had to open your big mouth didn't you, Xelloss?" grumbled the mysterious priest to himself as he went through his pile of cards of hapless suckers. If you're wondering, they sort of look like trading cards with the full body picture of the person on the front and the description on the back.
"King of Dils. Had remarkable nerve and arrogance in thinking he could attack the Demon King of the North just because he couldn't move. Too bad he's just a mound of flesh now."
Xelloss tossed the card aside.
"Jeffrey Mailstar. Okay, now there's a hapless sucker - "
"What did you call my Jeffrey-chan!!"
Xelloss's head was smashed through his table into the floor below by the heavy maul wielded by Josephine Mailstar, Jeffrey's deluded and inhuman mother.
"What was that?!" Zelas demanded, sensing someone crossing into Wolf Pack without her permission. "Who the hell are you?!"
"Ohohoho," laughed Josephine was she tiptoed away. "Don't mind me. I'm just a tourist."
Zelas blinked as the intruder disappeared. "What was that all about?"
"I just forgot what I shouldn't do regarding a certain human," Xelloss answered, turning his head to get the crick out of it. "Oh, and Jack Hallow has risen again."
"Shouldn't have been able to get in," Zelas muttered. "Hallow's back again? Time certainly flies. Well, you've done a good job with him before so I'll let you off the hook of any assignments until this taken care of."
"Thank you ever so much," Xelloss snorted at the closing door.
"What was that?" Zelas asked sweetly at Xelloss's ear.
"Nothing! Just thanking you for your great generosity in letting me devote all of my attention to this important matter!!"
"That's better."
Xelloss slumped in his chair, calling all of the scattered cards to collected again into a neat stack. He really hated doing this, choosing the so-called heroes to stop Jack. It was just so unMazoku. And it was just too hard to chose from such a wide selection. Well, might as well do this as he usually does it
Flinging the stack into the air, Xelloss summoned five cones and sent them flying through the cloud of cards. The five that got pinned to the wall would be the misfortunates. Walking up to see the disfavored of Lady Luck, he couldn't help chuckling. How utterly fitting that it would be these five.
"They certainly won't be happy about this," he smirked. "Let's see, two in the eye, one in the heart, and oh ouch. It's a good thing he doesn't know where the cone hit him. But then, he is made of stone or last I saw."
Dissolving the black cones, the five chosen cards fell into his hand. Taking the first, he looked at the bright, cheerful, justice-devoted princess of Saillune. Her current whereabouts were written on the back of the card. Saillune Royal Castle.
"Now why aren't I surprised?" he murmured as he left to collect them.
"What is this?" Amelia asked for the umpteenth time that day. It was beginning to the only thing she ever said. Forms and applications and scrolls and contracts and Ceiphied knows what else kept crossing her desk every day. All of this paperwork was never mentioned in the fairy tales. Or perhaps it was only Saillune. She almost wished to be out on the road again but that had been several years ago.
"This is the request for asking that the application for sending the contract of allocation of request in order to permit the acquisition demand to be processed."
"But didn't I just sign that yesterday?"
"No, your highness. That was the..."
Amelia tuned it out. All of this bureaucracy! She understood it was her duty as a princess to accept and abide by it but it was so damn tedious! It almost made her wonder why anyone would want to rule if they had to deal with this. And since her father was almost always gone now in his undercover exploring of the countryside, she had to do his share as well.
"It would be good to be on an adventure again," Amelia sighed.
"I'm so glad you feel that way."
"Eh?!" Amelia's head snapped around to come nose to nose with the smiling Mazoku priest. "Xelloss?! How did you get in here?"
"Small talk later, Amelia-san. I hope you don't mind if I borrow her for awhile."
The next moment, the high-backed carved wooden chair of the princess was empty of all but the quill with which she used to sign the official documents.
"Now what do we do?"
"We need these papers signed today."
"We'll have to file for an extension of deadlines."
"Now let's see," Xelloss studied the back of Gourry Gabriev's card. "This really doesn't make much sense. Why would he be in the Nivert River?"
The Mazoku looked down at the river below him. It had a smooth current and wooded on both sides. Did Gourry fall into the river? It wouldn't be very surprising if he did. Xelloss noted some long dark shapes in the water.
"A logger? Perhaps he could tell me."
Xelloss phased in next to the logger standing on one of the logs. It was easy to keep pace with it. If he had been walking, he would have tripped.
"Gourry-san?"
"Hm?" Gourry looked over his shoulder at Xelloss. "Hey..."
"Yes?"
"Who are you?"
Xelloss sweatdropped and resisted the urge to rap the dense swordsman-turned-woodcutter with his staff.
"I am Xelloss."
"Nice to meet you, Xelloss."
"Of course. Gourry-san, I need your help for something."
"My help? You need a tree cut?"
"Not exactly. I'll explain later. Will you come with me?"
"Sure." Gourry stepped off of the log.
Xelloss blinked. "Gourry-san. You aren't standing on anything."
"But you are."
"No, I'm floating."
"So, there's nothing under my feet?"
"Afraid so."
"Aaah!" Gourry splashed into the water. "Why didn't you tell me so earlier!"
"Well..." A log hit the struggling woodcutter and knocked him unconscious. Xelloss barely caught him before he went under. "I really did chose a stellar group this time, didn't I."
"You can't really read the future."
"Of course, I can! You saw how I found that lost boy last week!"
"That's different," Jiras crossed his arms skeptically. "You were trying to find out things in the now."
"Fine. I'll divine something in the future."
"Near future," Jiras corrected. "Something that will happen very soon."
"Alright," Filia agreed, miffed at Jiras' lack of belief in her spells. Even if she wasn't a priestess anymore, that didn't mean she couldn't cast spells. She concentrated on catching a glimpse through the veil of the future.
"So where is it?"
Her concentration broke. "Where is what?!"
"Your crystal ball."
Filia hit her head against the table. "You don't need a crystal ball to see into the future!"
"But all of the fortune tellers have one."
"Just superstition!"
"I bet you can't do it."
"Of course I can. Fine! I'll do it with a crystal ball." From somewhere, Filia produced a perfectly spherical crystal ball with a golden stand. It was completely normal but if Jiras wanted a crystal ball, he would get one. It wouldn't interfere anyway.
"Now be quiet!"
Jiras covered his mouth with his hands.
Filia concentrated again on parting the thick fog that always obscured the future. It was unknown and always changing which was why gazing into the future was left to two-bit pretenders and not true diviners.
"A tall, dark, and handsome stranger will come and sweep you off of your feet."
"Time to go, Filia-san," Xelloss popped in, grabbed the Gold Dragon in one arm, and vanished before she could even begin shrieking.
Jiras blinked.
"Wow, she really could tell the future with the crystal ball. Hey, crystal ball! What's going to happen to me?"
The ball was silent.
"Hey, two house specials for table 2!"
"I want a beer!"
"Where's the pepper?"
"We want to order!"
The only waitress on shift quickly grabbed the order for table 2 from the kitchen counter and a tankard for beer. Opening the tap, she left the dark beer run as she dropped off the house specials and gave pepper to the customer who wanted it. That took about as long as it took for the tankard to fill, so she shut it off and delivered it before taking the order of two impatient travelers.
"Why do I have to do this?" Lina grumbled with a smile. "Just because Nee-chan had to take off suddenly doesn't mean I have to substitute for her at her part-time job."
"Hey, girl! Stop grumbling and hurry it up!" yelled the cook. He was enjoying himself, having someone he can push around freely. He was too scared of the previous waitress but this scrawny girl was a different story.
Lina gritted her teeth and reminded herself that this was all better than suffering at Nee-chan's hands if when she returned, she found Lina had lost her job.
"Yes sir."
"Excuse me, miss. Can I have a cup of hot milk?"
Lina barely kept herself from snapping at the jerk to get his own hot milk. "Of course...Xelloss?!"
"Good day, Lina-san," smiled the Mazoku. "Cute outfit."
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Lina mentally screamed. Someone who knew her actually saw her in this waitress dress. And it just had to be Xelloss! He'd never let her forget it.
"Ano, Lina-san?" Xelloss waved a hand before the stone sorceress.
"Stop standing around! I'm not paying you to be a statue!" hollered the cook, hurling a meat cleaver. Of course, he had terrible aim and a weak arm so it only flew halfway to its destination before falling into someone's salad.
"This is a very dangerous place you work at."
"What are you doing here!" Lina demanded, finally unfreezing but never noticing the thrown cleaver. "Go away, I'm busy."
Xelloss raised an eyebrow and looked around. "Busy? With this?"
"Yeah, so?"
"No, I just found it rather odd that a sorceress of your caliber would be serving meals in a restaurant in a back country like this."
"Maybe I like doing it," Lina retorted. "I do have a complex character after all."
"Hmmmm."
Lina did not like that look in Xelloss's eyes. But then, she rarely did like looking into the Mazoku's eyes at all. He was easier to deal with when he was smiling and seemingly unassuming. She'd bet the entire income Zefilia made in a year on wine alone that he wanted her to do something. Well, not this time.
"Forget it, Xelloss."
"Forget what?"
"I'm not going off on some Mazoku extermination or whatnot with you," Lina said, picking up the waiting dishes to be delivered.
"Would I do that?"
"If it was your orders, yes."
"Then you'll be happy to know that my master has relieved me from doing her commands."
"And I'm the ruler of Zefilia."
"I never knew."
Lina's finger twitched with the urge to twist the Mazoku's arm, preferably off. However, her hands were full and he would enjoy it anyway.
"But Lina-san, I'm afraid I can't take 'no' for an answer."
"What?"
The dishes in her hands disappeared.
"Xelloss!"
He grabbed her by the arm with that smug smirk of his.
"Let's go, Lina-san. I still need to pick up someone else who is relatively nearby."
"You can't do this! Nee-chan will - "
"Isn't this relaxing?" asked the young man pushing back his platinum blond bangs. The long length of hair was tied in the back and stretched down to his waist.
His companion, on the other hand, only watched as the water that condensed on his own silver hair quiver and drop from the wire-like strands. They were sitting in a steamhouse, no one really cares about the exact location, where the perspiration made both of their skins shine.
"I suppose."
"So how's your life been?"
"Changed to a hideous monster, defeated one and one/seventh Demon Kings, crossed the path of two Mazoku Lords and the only Ancient Dragon in existence, met someone from another world, and been forced to do utterly embarrassing things in order to find a cure."
"That's all?"
"Only you would say that, Arthur."
"Come on, was any of that anything compared to our adventures?"
"I think the more appropriate term is mishaps if you were going for understatements."
"Since when have you been so cynical? Brother-in-arms of mine."
"Maybe when I developed a stone skin affliction?"
"You always need something to obsess about don't you? How about obsessing about something positive for a change?"
"Like what?"
"Courtly love for example. You're a prime candidate for courtly love."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You know, that deep selfless love for an unattainable lady for whom you would do anything."
"Give me a break."
"No, you're not getting any younger, Zelgadiss."
"She's probably already got someone," he muttered.
"Eh? What was that? Doth my ears deceiveth me? Mr. I'm-never-going-fall-in-love has fallen to the trap that has taken down better men?"
"Better men? Like who? You?"
"Didn't I already tell you about my fiancee?"
"Since when did you get a fiancee?"
"Well, you see - "
"Kill me!" screamed a girl.
"She certainly sounds like that but it's usually 'Kill you'."
Zelgadiss rolled his eyes. Only Arthur would somehow end up with a girlfriend that would want to kill him. That voice sounded very familiar. And much too close for comfort.
"And where the hell are we? A volcano?"
"A volcano would have more lava," murmured the girl's companion. "It is difficult to see with all of this steam. That can be easily taken care of."
"Sh**!"
Zelgadiss and Arthur immediately dove for their towels but the gust of wind that forced the fires to go out and the steam to go away also blew away the protectors of privacy.
"Much better. Now I'm sure Zelgadiss-san was...oh my. I suppose I came at a bad time."
"Xelloss!" Zelgadiss growled, standing up with a spell ready. After not appearing in his life for the last several years, the Mazoku had surely returned to make his life even more miserable than usual.
"Zel's here?" Lina looked around Xelloss to see where the chimera was.
"Lina-san I don't think..."
Lina got a very good look at Zelgadiss who was too shocked at seeing Lina in a way too short waitress outfit to remember to cover up. And she stared.
"L-L-L-Lina?!?" the chimera sputtered. A chill breeze reminded him of his cough current state of dress, namely none. "Ah!"
Xelloss covered his eyes and shook his head. "Never imagined you to be that forward Zelgadiss-san."
"Shut up!"
"Ara, Lina-san. Perhaps you should shut your mouth?"
Lina's lips moved soundlessly.
"What was that?"
Zelgadiss figured it wasn't anything good and would have begun running if he wasn't still in the grips of utter and total embarrassment.
"Mega Brando!"
Jack flipped cheerfully through the book of evil things he borrowed from the local library. The librarian had shrieked and fainted quite satisfactorily when he walked up and proved that he wasn't some kids fooling around. And he left her alive to later worry about where this book disappeared to. Humans were so easy to mess with that if it wasn't for the amusement, he would have been bored.
"Igor!"
"C-C-Comu-mu-mu-ming," stuttered a gravel voice.
The door to Jack's royal suite in the Emerald Bay, Saillune's finest inn, opened and in walked the bishonen of bishonen. He was dressed in a tailored suit of tan silk that showed off his perfect body. A hand gloved in black flicked back a strand of styled blond hair framing the face of an Adonis.
"You called, sir?" he asked in perfect English.
"Yes, I have decided on my nefarious plan. We shall depart to engage it immediately."
"Of course sir." Igor brushed away some of the hay that had fallen out of his master's body and onto the brocade armchair. "If you please, I would much prefer to be called by my first name, Sergei."
Jack waved a finger at him. "Now, have you ever heard of a evil henchman named Sergei? It's bad enough you look good enough to charm every women, and some men, in the world."
"I can hardly help my nature," Sergei Igor replied smoothly, making sure to bank the fire before they left.
"Of course, of course. You're an incubus. Don't worry, I'll let you have some fun later." Jack dismissed easily as the two vanished in a puff of green smoke.
"And what is your nefarious plan?" Igor asked politely, looking around where they appeared. "Why are we at the city morgue?"
"A very depressing scene, I must admit," Jack frowned, looking around. "There are hardly enough bodies here to make it worth the effort."
"Would you be raising an army of the dead? Zombies to be more precise?"
"Yes." Jack poked around the few dead bodies there. "All died of old age. What happened to natural death?"
"And that would be?"
"A horrible and brutal death at a young age."
"That hasn't been in fashion since about fifty years back."
Jack pouted.
"Sir, if I may ask, why zombies?" Igor's voice still rang clear behind the perfumed handkerchief he used to cover his nose. Even if there were only a few bodies here, the smell of rotting was not that pleasant and Jack Hallow's cinnamon scent wasn't enough to overcome it. "Aren't they dumb, ugly, disgusting, and have an insatiable urge to devour brains?"
"And your point?"
"They, pardon the pun, stink as anything other than very low grade cannon fodder."
"True. But they're easy to raise in mass numbers and this world hasn't seen a good mindless rampaging of zombies for a very long time."
"Shouldn't then we go to a mass graveyard?"
Jack sighed as he finished his inspection. "Looks to be no way around it. And it would have been deliciously amusing to have the people panic at the sight of the dead coming from the morgue. Lead on, faithful Igor, to the nearest mass graveyard.
Igor bowed as they disappeared in a green cinnamony smoke. This time, they stood in a nice wide field of waving grass and wildflowers. Jack looked around and gagged.
"This place is even worse. I can't wait to finally bring the eternal night. All of this sunshine is making me smell nice."
"Perhaps when we return I can replace your hay with wet moldy ones?"
"Good idea. And we'll also get rid of this cinnamon candle. How can I frighten anyone when I smell like cinnamon?" Jack Hallow poked at the candle in his head before rolling up his sleeves. Strands of hay fell out but the old patched work gloves that were his hands still floated in place. Raising his arms above him as the growing wind whipped his loose clothes around, he began to chant. "Awaken ye who sought immortality, ye who would have slept for eternity, I summon thee to rise again, To haunt this world I do send, Awaken from your slumber in massive numbers!"
Several crows landed on him.
"I get the idea they're not listening to me. Igor."
Igor pulled out from his suit jacket an alarm clock. He turned it on.
BBBBBRRRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGGG!!
The ground began to shuffle as something underneath began to try to dig its way out. Then there were a large number of sharp cracks and the ground shifting stopped. Jack sweatdropped.
"It appears they hit their heads on the tombstones," Igor noted calmly.
Welcome to Professor SephZero's lecture on undead. As he speaks nothing but gibberish, his words were transcribed and translated by his writing slave, er, that is scribe Theria.
"Did you know that way back when, the purpose of a tombstone was not to mark the place you buried someone. Of course, I do suppose that is handy when you bury them in your field or something. Can you imagine plowing the field only to find the mangled body of old Uncle Henry? Or what if..."
Theria cut out the rambling.
"...Anyway, the tombstone, or more accurately headstone, was place above the head of the deceased when they were buried. The idea was that when the dead rose, they would hit their head against it and go back to sleep. Okay, I'm not sure about the going back to sleep part but the stones were there to keep them from getting out. Sort of. People had silly superstitions back then didn't they? And did you know - "
Theria cut out the rest of unrelated jabbering of tidbits of obscure and not so obscure knowledge.
"Third time's the charm," Jack grinned. He said the chant again and this time, got the results he wanted. Lightning, again from a cloudless sky, struck each of the graves and into the corpses. Moaning rose from the ground as hands of decaying flesh clawed their way to the surface.
"Finally."
All of the hands gave Jack the finger.
"Everyone's a critic."
Igor held his handkerchief to his nose again but the reek was so strong that the mix of perfume and putrid flesh only made an even worse odor. He dropped the need to breath and kept his distance from the filthy zombies. Jack wasn't as concerned as his clothes were patched hand-me-downs anyway. A new suit of clothing was definitely in order and Igor began going over which dressmaker would be most suitable for his master.
"Now, my beloved children, go forth and - "
"BRAINS!"
"Yes. Now, as I was saying, go forth and - "
"BRAINS!"
"Would you be so kind as to not interrupt me?"
"BRAINS!"
"You aren't listening to a thing I say are you?"
"BRAINS!"
"Igor, I see what you mean. No wonder I haven't used zombies for the last 258 times I was awakened."
"BRAINS!" moaned the zombies as they began to lumber off.
"You simply need to know how to speak to them, sir. Allow me." Igor cleared his throat. "Brain Buffet at Saillune!!"
"BRAINS!!"
The zombies began to pick up their pace at the thought of food even though they didn't have functioning brains to process the thought or stomachs to digest the brains. In fact, neither Igor nor Jack knew exactly why zombies had such a fixation on brains. After all, the brain was encased in the skull which made it hard to get out and when you did open the skull, the brain was still attached to the optic nerve and the spinal cord. Well, no one ever claimed that zombies were brain surgeons.
"Ahem," Jack coughed before the zombies got far. He jerked a thumb in the direction opposite of where the zombies were going. "Saillune is that way."
The zombies turned around their heads, and only their heads, to follow his thumb. Then they began walking backwards.
"Master..."
"I know, Igor. I know. Note to self, get smarter evil minions. At least they'll cause some chaos and trouble in the city."
However, unknown to everyone present there, just a bit further down the road was a walking protest of torch-bearing mages. They were members of FFF, or Freedom to Fireball Freely, association dedicated to gaining the uncontested right to Fireball whatever they chose. Lina would have been marching with them if Xelloss hadn't pulled her off somewhere.
Speaking of Xelloss, he was currently faced with a very angry and annoyed group of former adventurers of his acquaintance. That was after they had a joyous, or not so joyous in some cases, reunion and procured Zelgadiss and his friend some new clothes and healing spells. It wasn't Lina's Mega Brando that did the damage. It was the fall afterwards.
"So, Xelloss, exactly why did you drag all of us here?!" Lina demanded, choking the life, if he had one, out of Xelloss.
"Lina-san, he probably still needs his throat to talk," Amelia reminded.
"Fine," Lina grumbled, partly angry at Xelloss and partly jealous that Amelia had grown taller and...bigger over the past years to begin rivaling her often absent older sister Gracia. Lina hadn't grown an inch in any direction and she blamed it all on Nee-chan for exposing her to all of those poisons to make Lina a suitable food-taster.
"Do tell, Xelloss. What was so important that you had to drop in to get me?" Zelgadiss added with a sneer. The hood of his cloak was pulled down far across his face to hide his earlier embarrassment.
"I brought all of you together for a very good reason," Xelloss said seriously. "A great evil has been released on the world and if he isn't stopped in four, actually, three days after today, then the world will be plummeted into eternal night."
Everyone stared at him.
Then they burst out laughing. Well, at least Lina burst out laughing.
"How gullible do you think we are?" she laughed. "You come to get us to stop some evil? If it was Filia, I'd half believe her but you??"
"What's so hard to believe about that?" Xelloss asked irritably.
"You're a Mazoku," Zelgadiss pointed out.
"He is?"
"Gourry, you said you already knew that!" Lina yelled at the blond.
"Who are all of you again?"
Everyone facefaulted.
"This isn't time for a gag routine," Xelloss grumbled, tapping his fingers against the floorboard and sporting a big red lump on his head. "This evil is already enacting his insidious plans to fulfill his goal of forever night and you all need to stop him."
"I guess I'll need another plan," Jack sighed as he looked at the burning remains of the zombies. Igor fanned the smoke and smell of burning flesh away from the both of them.
"But first, we'll both need to get a new suit of clothes," Igor noted. "I'll never get the smell out of these."
"You're right as always, Igor. First to the dressmakers and the mattress stuffers. Then we can sit back and watch my next plan unfold."
"You already have a second plan, sir?"
"Of course. Always need to at least have one back-up plan to keep a step ahead of that annoying priest. He's going to have one hell of a time trying to stop me this time."