Xelloss: *bustling about with drinks on a tray, humming and bumping along to the piped-in music. Prolly a David Bowie song or sth. =P No wait! The song is "But! But! But!"*
Zelgadis: *watching him* Na, this definitely says something about traditional gender roles, dontcha think? That women, or in this case certain men in a women's outfits, are subjected to the role of servants.
X: *sets down a cup of coffee in front of Zel, a chocolate parfait for Gourry* It's just a dress, Zelgadis! *poses gratuitously to show off his slim hips and tight skirt*
Zel: Great. *takes a sip* Suddenly this story smells like yaoi.
X: *slips into the booth next to Gourry* Ne, Gourry! I'm bored! *suddenly flings himself into Gourry's arms*
Zel: *snide* No tricks to play for once? And here I thought the plot would turn to "Why is this cafe being run by mazoku?"
X: It's just a part-time job, Zel-chan. *proceeds to ignore Zel, pulls at Gourry's armor straps so that they're face to face, he opens his eyes to great effect, a very hungry look*
Gourry: *intimidated* Eh, bored? What do you want me to do about, Xelloss?
X: You could - *gasps dramatically> - take me right here, right now! *pulls harder on said straps* *climbs up on table, reaches out to sweep aside the dishes and silverware off the table onto the floor*
Gou: Take you - ???
X: I'm all yours!
Gou: *gulps hard and nervously*
Zel: *puts down his coffee, sighing* Nope, no tricks except in the euphemistic sense...
X: *shaking still* Gourry!!
Zel: *casually fireballs, but X avoids and Gourry unfortunately gets caught in the flames*
X: Waaah! I want a big blond seme!!
Zel: Oy, what's so special about taking a blond?
X: All the blonds I know are very powerful, very sexy people. *settles down on the table again* So to speak. "People" is a term not well-suited to Lei Magnus-sama or LoN-sama...
Zel: You know them? *amazed, because they are figures of legend, after all*
X: *winks* "Know," in the Biblical sense!
Zel: Hah? Is that anything like a Clair-Bible?
Gou: *recovering, still burnt* Hey, I know what that means...
Zel: You do? The Biblical-whatsit, really?
X: Somehow I doubt that.
Gou: "Know," as in "have sex with."
X: *genuinely surprised* Well, I'll be damned.
Zel: *snide again* It won't be the first time.
X: But he has got it! Although, it's puzzling. The Bible doesn't exist in Ruby Eye-sama's world ...
Zel: *quirks an eyebrow* So how do you know about it, Xelloss?
X: *ignoring him, wheedling* Ne, Gourry - !! *dusts him off, cuddles him again* Let's get to know each other!
Zel: Again with the Bible.
X: It's only fair, after all. We're both after the same girl.
Gou: SAME GIRL??
Zel: He means Lina, stupid.
X: And so it makes sense, doesn't it, that we battle to see who can best satisfy her?
Zel: By satisfying each other - ?
Gou: Lina - ??
Zel: This is truly twisted. *noting Gourry's expression* He looks like he's about to gag.
Gou: *sweating* Lina's too young! I won't allow it!
X: Oh, what's a little statuatory rape between true loves? *correcting himself* IF you're true loves, that is ...
Gou: Well, I gotta admit that Lina's old enough to get married ...
X: *smug* See?
Gou: But aren't you a bit old for her?
Zel: *chuckling* Vastly old. At least a thousand years - !! *chortles into his cup, which he rescued before Xelloss could sweep it away*
X: Please, leave me alone. In any case, right now it's Gourry that I want. Not Lina.
Zel: Xelloss, I have a question for you. Why are you acting like such a - *with his hand, a wandering gesture as if looking for a word ...*
X: *suggestively* Bite me.
Zel: I mean, what is it? Are you in heat or something?
X: *very coolly* You say that like you're NOT a closet hentai ...
Zel: *choking* Giku - !
X: ...which I KNOW you to be.
Zel: *blushing* Well, you're the one who likes it in the closet!!
Gou: *puzzled at the implications of this exchange* Eh?
X: I can embarrass you, too!
Zel: You're doing it first by going all flirty all of a sudden!
X: A little flirting doesn't mean anything.
Zel: But you don't have any shame!
X: *matter-of-factly* Of course not.
Zel: Gourry doesn't even like other men, haven't you seen episode #17 of the first season? "Question! Ano ko ni PROPOSE?" aka "Question! He's Proposing to That Girl?"?
X: You're not going to get the edge in this conversation just because you can break the Ibsen's Fourth Wall like that.
Gou: *wide-eyed* Oy, who said I don't like guys?
(Xelloss and Zelgadis pause together as if they feel like they misheard something ...)
{(Simulatenously)
{Zel: Say what?
{X: What did you say?
Gou: I never said I don't like guys.
X: *pouts* I was wasting my time flirting with you then ...
Zel: *slanted Look at Xelloss, askance* ...
X: It's more fun to tease when the prey is unwilling. *winks at him*
Zel: *whirling upon Gourry* What's the meaning of this, huh? Was something wrong with N-san's tape? Did I see you running away from that Volun dude or didn't I?
Gou: Yeah, but I was running 'cos I didn't wanna marry him.
X: I see now! *pounds a fist into his open palm with a "pon" sound* In that situation if you did marry him, you would've been his "little lady." *nods to himself* Now I get it ... I take it for granted that you don't like posing as a woman.
Gou: What, unlike you? *smiles innocently, ducks a playful swing from Xelloss*
Zel: *looks down; if his face were visible, his expression would've been very dark...* Leading me to believe that you really didn't like guys ... *quietly so no one else but readers can hear* Oh Gourry, how could you deceive my heart like that - ?
X: *brightly mischievous* So, Gourry ... If you really have no aversion to being with another man, tell us how far you've gotten!
Gou: *blushing* Well, I guess I slept with quite a few ...
X: !!
(Zelgadis goes off like fireworks, then dissolves into the background and stays there for the next few lines.)
X: Gourry, do go on! What were their names? What were they like? ... What was "it" like?? *grinning expectantly*
Gou: *suddenly nervous and shy* It's not like that at all! I can't say that I ever got to get a handle on who they are or anything!
X: *guessing* One night stands? Business propositions? *disbelief* You can't be serious.
(Zelgadis is fuming and stomping around: "Yada yada yada!!!")
X: Before I never knew you were into any kind of sex, and now I'm hearing you say it's been strictly anonymous ...
Gou: No, it's not that either! Lemme explain. A mercenary like me sometimes goes on a rough run, see. An occupation that takes weeks during a wet autumn or a harsh winter, sometimes he needs a warm body in his bed to relieve the stress, see.
X: I see.
Gou: *blushing lightly* I have to admit that I'm a bit keen on what I want...
X: Boys, ne?
(Zel: I'm not hearing this!!)
Gou: *blushing further* Lotta other mercs are strictly into wenching. I've tried a few girls, don't see what's the big deal. What you get is dancers mostly, but what you wind up with is a girl who promises to be your little love pretzel, and how-much-ya-gonna-pay for how far she'll bend back, and I didn't want to get into that. Boys are nicer. If they're minstrels, even better. Just compliment their playing and they give you backrubs. *smiles fondly at a particular favorite memory*
X: *shakes his head in wonder* And here I thought you were so simple!
(Zel has mysteriously sneaked back into the foreground with them.)
X: *noticing the sulking chimera* Ne, Gourry! Remember how Zelgadis plays the guitar? Zel, go get your guitar and let's sing!
Gou: *eyes brighten* Please, Zel?
Zel: *hesitates* .... *significant look at Xelloss*
X: ?
Zel: Promise not to sing and I'll get it.
X: *pouts*
Zel: I'll take that as a Yes. *goes off*
Gou: *to Xelloss, trying to be polite* Well, you have been known to cause violent gastral reactions when you sing.
X: Please leave me alone. *spluttering* Wha - where did you learn those words??
Zel: *returns, carrying acoustic guitar* Back. *sits and tunes* So what's the first song request?
X: Something enka !
Zel: *beans him with the guitar* We're not letting you sing!
Gou: How about "more than words"?
Zel: Okay ... *starts to pluck out the G-chord, sings* "Saying 'I love you' is not the words I wanna hear from you ... It's not that I want you not to say it, but if you only knew how easy - "
Gou: No, not that one! Your "more than words"!
Zel: =P
Zel: *sings* "Suki datta hitori sora o miage..."
(and so on, he goes uninterrupted... let'sgetonwiththis...)
Zel: *finishes softly, thrumming the last chords*
Gou: A Golden Moment...
X: If ever there was one. *twirls his fingers into Gourry's hair.* Hmm, gold ... *wistfully* I've always loved that color, but it's far too rich for me. Even the pale gold hair of my Xelas-Metallium-sama ... Back when she still gave me orders a-plenty to fill. Ah, but where am I now? Working part-time at a clean, well-lighted cafe ...
X: *cont* ... where one day my two friends decided to drop by without their girlfriends ...
Gou: Is that why you're here?
Zel: No wonder you're OOC.
X: Indeed. No tricks to play.
(They all continue to bask in the Golden Moment, not wishing to ruin it with words.)